You need

• 1 lb halloumi, cut into 1-inch cubes
• 1 medium zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch half-moons
• 16 cherry tomatoes
• 1 red onion, cut into 1-inch wedges
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp dried oregano
• 2 garlic cloves, grated
• Zest and juice of 1 lemon
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/4 tsp black pepper
• 2 tbsp honey, for finishing
• 8 bamboo skewers, soaked 30 minutes

Method

1. Drain the halloumi and pat it dry. It comes packed in brine and does not need salt — everything else in the marinade is doing that job.
2. Whisk the olive oil, oregano, garlic, lemon zest, red pepper flakes, and black pepper. Toss the halloumi, zucchini, tomatoes, and onion in it. Let it sit 15 minutes.
3. Thread the skewers alternating cheese and vegetables, ending with a firm piece so nothing slides off. Leave a small gap between items so the heat gets around them.
4. Heat a grill or grill pan to medium, around 400F (205C), and oil the grates well. Halloumi sticks to anything it is given the chance to stick to.
5. Grill 2 to 3 minutes per side, four sides total, about 10 minutes. You are looking for deep grill marks, softened cheese, and onion that has lost its raw bite. Halloumi holds its shape by design — if the outside is blackening before the marks set, drop the heat.
6. Hit them with lemon juice and a drizzle of honey off the heat. Serve hot. Halloumi turns to a squeaky brick once it cools, so time this to the table, not the other way around.

From behind the bar: Cut everything to the same 1-inch scale. Mismatched sizes mean the tomatoes collapse while the onion is still raw and nobody is happy.

You need

• 9 oz block vegetarian halloumi (microbial rennet), cut into 1/2 in x 3 in batons
• 3 tbsp cornstarch
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/4 tsp coarse black pepper
• Neutral oil for frying, about 4 cups, enough for 1 1/2 in in a heavy pot
• 1/3 cup honey
• 1 tbsp cayenne hot sauce (Frank's RedHot or similar, no Worcestershire in the label)
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1 tsp cider vinegar
• Flaky salt and 2 tbsp torn mint, to finish

Method

1. Press the halloumi batons between paper towels for 10 minutes. Wet cheese does not brown and it spits.
2. Whisk the cornstarch, flour, paprika and pepper. Toss the batons to coat and tap off the excess. No salt in the dredge, the cheese brings plenty.
3. Heat 1 1/2 in of oil in a heavy pot to 350F.
4. Warm the honey, hot sauce, pepper flakes, butter and vinegar in a small pan over low heat for 2 to 3 minutes until pourable, then kill the heat.
5. Fry in two batches, 2 to 3 minutes, turning once, until deep gold and blistered. Do not crowd the pot. If the oil drops under 325F the cheese goes rubbery instead of crisp.
6. Drain 30 seconds on a wire rack, never on paper. Paper steams the crust off.
7. Pile onto a warm plate, pour the hot honey over, finish with flaky salt and mint. Eat inside five minutes, after that it turns back into a squeaky brick.

From behind the bar: Halloumi will not brown while it is damp. Ten minutes under paper towels is the difference between golden fries and a pot of angry oil.

You need

• 8 oz elbow macaroni (egg-free dried pasta)
• 4 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, plus 1 cup for dredging
• 2 cups whole milk, warmed
• 8 oz sharp vegetarian cheddar (microbial rennet), grated
• 4 oz vegetarian Gruyere-style cheese (microbial rennet), grated
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 large eggs, beaten
• 2 cups panko
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 2 quarts for 3 in depth

Method

1. Boil the macaroni in well-salted water 2 minutes short of the package time, about 5 minutes. Drain and do not rinse.
2. Melt the butter over medium heat, whisk in the 1/4 cup flour and cook 2 minutes until it smells like biscuits. Add the warm milk in three stages, whisking, then simmer 5 minutes until it coats a spoon.
3. Off the heat, stir in both cheeses, the Dijon, cayenne, onion powder and salt until smooth. Fold in the pasta. The mix should be too thick to pour.
4. Press into a parchment-lined 9x13 pan about 1 in deep, cover and refrigerate at least 3 hours, better overnight. Skip this and it disintegrates in the fryer.
5. Cut into 1 1/2 in squares. Dredge in flour, then egg, then panko. Freeze the breaded cubes 20 minutes.
6. Heat 3 in of oil to 360F. Fry 4 or 5 at a time for 2 to 2 1/2 minutes until deep gold, keeping the oil above 340F between batches.
7. Drain on a rack and salt straight away. Tell people they are lava for the first three minutes. Some of them will listen.

From behind the bar: Freeze the breaded cubes 20 minutes before frying. Cold center, hot oil, and the crust sets before the cheese blows out the seams.

You need

• 14 oz paneer (acid-set, no rennet), cut into 1 in cubes
• 3/4 cup full-fat plain Greek yogurt (gelatin-free)
• 2 tbsp heavy cream
• 1 tbsp ginger-garlic paste
• 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
• 2 tsp Kashmiri chili powder
• 1 tsp garam masala
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp ground turmeric
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1 tbsp chickpea flour (besan)
• 1 red onion, cut into petals
• 1 green bell pepper, cut into 1 in squares
• 3 tbsp melted ghee or unsalted butter, for basting
• Chaat masala, cilantro and lemon wedges, to finish

Method

1. Toast the besan in a dry pan over medium heat for 2 minutes until it smells nutty. Raw besan tastes like chalk and ruins the marinade.
2. Whisk the yogurt, cream, ginger-garlic paste, lemon juice, all the ground spices, salt and toasted besan. It should coat a spoon thickly.
3. Fold in the paneer, onion and pepper. Rest 30 minutes at room temperature, or up to 4 hours refrigerated. Longer than that and the acid turns the cheese tough.
4. Thread onto skewers, alternating cheese and vegetables, leaving small gaps so the heat can get in and char the sides.
5. Heat the broiler to high. Broil on the top rack about 6 in from the element, or grill over high direct heat, 4 minutes a side, until the edges blacken in patches.
6. Baste with the melted ghee in the last minute and push it one shade darker than feels sensible. The black spots are the whole point.
7. Rest 2 minutes, then hit with chaat masala, torn cilantro and a hard squeeze of lemon.

From behind the bar: Paneer does not melt, so it does not forgive either. Pull it at 8 minutes total. Past that it goes from custardy to squeaky and no marinade saves it.

You need

• 1 whole 8 oz vegetarian camembert (microbial rennet), fridge cold
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 large eggs, beaten with 1 tbsp water
• 1 1/2 cups panko
• 1/2 tsp black pepper and 1/2 tsp dried thyme, mixed into the panko
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 2 quarts for 3 in depth
• 1/3 cup sour cherry or cranberry preserves (pectin-set, gelatin-free)
• 1 tsp red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp cracked black pepper
• Grilled sourdough, for dipping

Method

1. Leave the wheel in the fridge until the oil is at temperature. A room-temperature camembert bursts in the pot.
2. Flour the whole wheel, dip in egg, press into the seasoned panko. Then egg and panko a second time. The double coat is the only thing holding this together.
3. Freeze the breaded wheel 20 minutes on a plate.
4. Heat 3 in of oil to 340F. Lower than you would normally fry, so the crust sets while the inside melts instead of scorching first.
5. Fry 3 to 4 minutes, turning once, until evenly deep gold. Lift out with a spider and rest on a rack for 2 minutes.
6. Warm the preserves with the vinegar and cracked pepper in a small pan over low heat for 2 minutes until pourable.
7. Cut a cross in the top at the table and let it slump. Bread goes in immediately. It firms up again in about ten minutes and the moment is gone.

From behind the bar: Any crack in the breading is a blowout waiting to happen. Patch bare spots with more egg and panko before it goes anywhere near the oil.

You need

• 1 large ciabatta or soft Italian loaf, split lengthwise
• 12 garlic cloves, peeled
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 6 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 8 oz low-moisture vegetarian mozzarella (microbial rennet), grated
• 2 oz vegetarian Italian-style hard cheese (microbial rennet), grated
• 2 tbsp chopped flat-leaf parsley
• 1 tsp lemon zest
• Flaky salt, to finish

Method

1. Simmer the garlic in the olive oil in a small pan over low heat for 20 minutes until soft and pale gold. Do not let it brown or the whole thing turns bitter.
2. Mash 8 of the confit cloves with the butter, salt, pepper flakes and 2 tbsp of the garlic oil into a paste. Slice the remaining 4 cloves thin.
3. Heat the oven to 425F. Spread the paste right out to the edges of both cut faces. The edges are the part people fight over.
4. Cover with the mozzarella and hard cheese, then scatter the sliced garlic on top.
5. Bake on a sheet pan for 12 to 14 minutes until the cheese is molten and bubbling at the rim.
6. Broil 60 to 90 seconds for the brown spots. Stand there and watch it. It goes from bronze to charcoal in about fifteen seconds.
7. Out of the oven, finish with parsley, lemon zest and flaky salt. Cut into fingers with a serrated knife so the cheese stays where you put it.

From behind the bar: Keep the leftover garlic oil. It holds two weeks in the fridge and turns the next batch into a ten-minute job.

You need

• 12 large eggs
• 1/3 cup mayonnaise
• 2 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tbsp dill pickle brine
• 1 tsp hot sauce (check the label, a few brands carry anchovy)
• 1/2 tsp fine salt
• 2 medium shallots, sliced paper-thin
• 1 cup neutral oil, for frying the shallots
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 2 tbsp chopped chives
• Flaky salt, to finish

Method

1. Set the eggs in one layer in a wide pot with 1 inch of water. Cover, bring to a hard boil, then steam 11 minutes.
2. Move them straight to an ice bath for 5 minutes. Peel under a thin stream of cold water, halve lengthwise, drop the yolks into a bowl.
3. Start the shallots in cold oil in a small pan over medium. They will sizzle, then quiet down. Fry 10 to 12 minutes, holding around 300F, until pale gold. Pull them early, they darken off heat. Drain on paper, salt.
4. Mash the yolks with the mayo, Dijon, pickle brine, hot sauce and fine salt. Push the mix through a fine sieve with a spatula. This is the step people skip and it is the step that matters.
5. Scrape the filling into a zip bag, cut a half-inch off one corner, pipe it into the whites in one confident spiral each.
6. Chill 20 minutes. Dust with smoked paprika, then pile on the shallots and chives right before they leave the kitchen.

From behind the bar: Steam the eggs instead of boiling them. Eleven minutes in a covered pot with an inch of water peels clean even on fresh eggs, and the yolks stay yellow.

You need

• 1 lb low-moisture whole-milk mozzarella, in a block
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 large eggs beaten with 2 tbsp water
• 2 cups panko or fine dry breadcrumbs
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying
• 1 cup marinara, warmed, for dipping

Method

1. Cut the mozzarella block into sticks roughly 3 inches long and 1/2 inch thick. You should get about 16.
2. Set up three dishes: flour, egg wash, and breadcrumbs mixed with the garlic powder, oregano, and salt.
3. Coat each stick in flour, then egg, then crumbs. Then egg and crumbs a second time. The double coat is what holds the cheese in.
4. Lay the sticks on a parchment-lined sheet and freeze at least 2 hours, or overnight. They must be frozen solid.
5. Heat the oil to 375F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a clip-on thermometer. Do not guess the temperature, and keep a lid within reach in case of a flare-up.
6. Fry 4 or 5 frozen sticks at a time for 45 to 60 seconds, until deep golden. Lower them in with a spider, away from you. Crowding the pot drops the oil temperature and ruins the batch.
7. Lift onto a wire rack, salt lightly, and let the oil climb back to 375F before the next batch.
8. Rest 2 minutes before serving. The cheese comes out molten and it will take the roof off someone's mouth.

From behind the bar: Fry from frozen at 375F, not lower. Under 350F the breading drinks oil and the cheese ruptures before the crust ever sets.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and sliced 1/8 inch thick
• 1 large yellow onion, sliced thin
• 2 cups olive oil
• 8 large eggs
• 2 1/2 tsp fine salt, divided
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1 garlic clove, grated
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• Flaky salt and black pepper

Method

1. Warm the olive oil in a 10-inch nonstick pan to 250 to 275F. It should barely move.
2. Slide in the potatoes and onion with 1 1/2 tsp salt. Cook 22 to 25 minutes, turning gently, until a slice crushes against the pan with no resistance. No browning. Drain in a colander and save the oil.
3. Beat the eggs with the remaining 1 tsp salt. Fold in the warm potatoes and let the whole thing sit 10 minutes so the egg soaks in.
4. Wipe the pan, heat 2 tbsp of the reserved oil over medium. Add the mixture, flatten the top, and cook 4 to 5 minutes, pulling the edges in with a spatula until the sides are set and the center still moves.
5. Cover with a plate wider than the pan, flip, and slide it back in raw side down. Tuck the edge under with the spatula. Cook 3 to 4 minutes more. The middle should be barely set, custardy, jugosa.
6. Rest 10 minutes on a rack. Stir the mayonnaise with garlic and lemon for the allioli. Cut into wedges and serve warm or at room temperature with the allioli and flaky salt.

From behind the bar: Flip with a plate wider than the pan, over the sink, in one motion. Hesitating is what causes the mess, not speed.

You need

• 1 jar (16 oz) dill pickle chips, drained, about 2 cups
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 large egg
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup fine cornmeal
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying
• Ranch or comeback sauce, for dipping

Method

1. Spread the drained pickle chips in a single layer on paper towels, cover with more towels, and leave them 20 minutes. Press down and blot again. Wet pickles will not hold breading, and wet pickles spit in hot oil.
2. Whisk the buttermilk and egg in one bowl. Combine the flour, cornmeal, paprika, cayenne, garlic powder, pepper, and salt in another.
3. Heat the oil to 375F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a thermometer clipped to the rim.
4. Working with a handful at a time, dip the chips in the buttermilk, let the excess run off, then press them firmly into the dry mix.
5. Fry in batches of 10 to 12 for 2 to 3 minutes, until deep golden and crackling. Lower them in gently and do not crowd the pot.
6. Lift onto a wire rack, salt while still glistening, and let the oil return to 375F between batches.
7. Serve immediately with ranch. These have a shelf life of about four minutes.

From behind the bar: Stir 2 tbsp of the pickle brine into your ranch. Costs nothing, cuts the mayo, and makes the dip taste like it was made on purpose.

You need

• 8 oz halloumi made with microbial rennet, cut into 4 slabs 1/2 inch thick
• 1/2 red onion, sliced paper-thin
• 1/2 cup red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/3 cup chili jam or sweet chili relish, fish-sauce and shrimp-paste free (read the label, most Thai-style brands are not)
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1 tsp lemon zest
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
• Neutral oil for shallow frying, about 1 cup
• 4 slider buns
• 2 tbsp butter, softened
• 1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce

Method

1. Soak the halloumi slabs in cold water for 20 minutes, then dry them hard between towels. Wet halloumi steams instead of browning.
2. Pack the red onion into a jar with the vinegar, sugar and salt. Leave it 20 minutes, shaking once. It will go pink and lose its bite.
3. Stir the mayonnaise with the lemon zest. Butter the cut sides of the buns and toast them face down in a dry skillet over medium for 90 seconds, until the edges go brown.
4. Dredge the dried halloumi in cornstarch and press off the excess. Heat 1/4 inch of neutral oil to 350F.
5. Fry the slabs 2 minutes per side until blistered and deep gold. Move straight to a rack, not paper, so the crust holds.
6. Build bottom up: lemon mayo, iceberg, halloumi, a heavy spoon of chili jam, drained pickled onion. Lid on, eat immediately. Halloumi turns to rubber as it cools.

From behind the bar: Soak the halloumi in cold water 20 minutes to pull the brine, then dry it aggressively. Salt out, moisture out, crust in.

You need

• 4 large russet potatoes
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 1 tsp coarse salt
• 4 tbsp butter, melted
• 2 tsp smoked paprika, plus more to finish
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp fine salt
• 2 cups grated sharp cheddar made with microbial rennet
• 1/2 cup full-fat sour cream (no gelatin, check thickened low-fat brands)
• 3 scallions, sliced thin
• 2 tbsp pickled jalapenos, chopped

Method

1. Rub the potatoes with oil and coarse salt. Bake directly on the oven rack at 400F for 55 to 65 minutes, until a knife goes through with no drag.
2. Cool 15 minutes so you can handle them. Halve lengthwise and scoop out the flesh, leaving a solid 1/4 inch on the skin. Save the flesh for something else.
3. Mix the melted butter with smoked paprika, cumin, garlic powder, cayenne and fine salt. Brush it over the insides and the outsides.
4. Raise the oven to 450F. Bake the shells cut side down on a wire rack for 12 minutes, flip, and go another 8 minutes until the edges crackle when tapped.
5. Fill each shell with cheddar and return for 4 to 5 minutes, until the cheese is bubbling at the rim.
6. Finish with sour cream, scallions, pickled jalapenos and one more dust of smoked paprika. Serve while the skins are still loud.

From behind the bar: Leave a quarter inch of potato on the skin when you scoop. Any thinner and the shell folds under the cheese instead of holding it.

You need

• 2 lb russet potatoes, cut into 1/2 inch batons
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 8 cups
• 3 tbsp butter
• 8 oz cremini mushrooms, chopped fine
• 1 yellow onion, diced
• 3 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 3 cups vegetable stock
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp anchovy-free Worcestershire sauce (the standard bottle is made with anchovy, buy the vegan one)
• 1 tsp cider vinegar
• 1/2 tsp cracked black pepper
• 8 oz fresh cheese curds made with microbial rennet, at room temperature
• Salt

Method

1. Soak the cut potatoes in cold water 30 minutes, then dry them completely. Water in the fryer is how people lose eyebrows.
2. Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium-high. Add mushrooms and onion and cook 12 minutes without stirring much, until the pan is browned and the mushrooms have given up their water.
3. Stir in the flour and cook 2 minutes, then the tomato paste for 1 minute more. Whisk in the vegetable stock, soy sauce, anchovy-free Worcestershire and pepper.
4. Simmer 20 minutes until it coats a spoon and holds a line when you drag a finger through it. Finish with the cider vinegar and salt to taste. Keep it hot.
5. Fry the potatoes at 325F for 5 to 6 minutes, until pale and floppy. Lift out and rest 10 minutes on a rack.
6. Bring the oil to 375F and fry again 2 to 3 minutes until deep gold. Salt them the second they come out.
7. Pile the fries in a warm bowl, scatter the room-temperature curds through them, then ladle the hot gravy over the top. Serve inside ten minutes, no exceptions.

From behind the bar: Curds go on before the gravy and must be at room temperature. Cold curds sulk and never melt, and gravy poured under them just makes soup.

You need

• 1 lb white American cheese, sliced at the deli counter (not individually wrapped singles)
• 1 cup whole milk, plus more for loosening
• 1/2 cup evaporated milk
• 2 fresh poblano peppers
• 1 jalapeno, seeded and minced
• 1/2 small white onion, minced
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
• Thick-cut tortilla chips, to serve

Method

1. Char the poblanos directly over a gas flame or under a broiler 8-10 minutes, turning, until blackened in patches. Seal in a covered bowl 10 minutes to steam, then peel, seed, and dice.
2. Heat the oil in a heavy saucepan over medium. Cook the onion and jalapeno 4-5 minutes until soft but not browned. Add the cumin and stir 30 seconds.
3. Add both milks and bring to 150F — steaming, never simmering. Boiling milk here will cost you the texture.
4. Tear the cheese into pieces. Add a small handful at a time over low heat, stirring constantly with a rubber spatula until each addition is fully melted before the next goes in. Takes about 8 minutes total.
5. Fold in the diced poblano and salt to taste.
6. Serve in a warmed bowl or a small slow cooker set to warm — hold it at 145F or above, not on a cold table for hours. As it tightens, stir in whole milk 1 tablespoon at a time.
7. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours in a shallow container. Reheat gently over low heat with a splash of milk; do not microwave it hard or it will split.

From behind the bar: Deli white American carries sodium citrate, which is why it emulsifies instead of splitting. Straight cheddar will break into oil and rubber every time.

You need

• 10 oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed
• 1 (14 oz) can artichoke hearts in water, drained and roughly chopped
• 8 oz cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 3/4 cup finely grated Parmesan
• 1 cup shredded low-moisture mozzarella, divided
• 2 cloves garlic, grated
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1 baguette, sliced 1/2 inch thick, plus olive oil for brushing

Method

1. Heat the oven to 375F.
2. Wrap the thawed spinach in a clean kitchen towel and twist hard over the sink until no more liquid comes out. Press the artichokes the same way, then chop both.
3. Beat the cream cheese smooth, then stir in sour cream, mayonnaise, Parmesan, half the mozzarella, garlic, pepper, cayenne, lemon juice, and salt.
4. Fold in the spinach and artichokes. Spread into a 1-quart baking dish and top with the remaining mozzarella.
5. Bake 25-30 minutes, until bubbling at the edges and hot through — 165F at the center on an instant-read thermometer.
6. Run it under the broiler 2-3 minutes for color, watching the whole time.
7. Meanwhile, brush the baguette slices with olive oil and toast on a sheet pan at 375F for 8-10 minutes, until crisp at the edges and still chewy in the middle.
8. Rest the dip 5 minutes before serving. It comes out of the oven hot enough to take the roof of someone's mouth off. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours.

From behind the bar: Watery spinach makes soupy dip, and no amount of extra cheese fixes it. If the towel comes away damp, you stopped squeezing too early.

You need

• 6 eggs
• 1/4 cup tamarind concentrate
• 1/4 cup palm sugar, chopped
• 2 tbsp light soy sauce
• 2 tbsp water
• 4 shallots, sliced thin
• 4 dried red chilies
• Cilantro
• Neutral oil for frying, about 3 cups

Method

1. Boil the eggs 8 minutes for a set but still bright yolk. Shock in ice water, peel, and dry them completely.
2. Heat 2 inches of oil to 275F/135C. Fry the shallots 6-8 minutes to pale gold, drain. Fry the dried chilies 20 seconds, drain.
3. Simmer tamarind, palm sugar, soy sauce and water in a small pan over medium 4-5 minutes, until it coats a spoon. It should be equally sour and sweet.
4. Raise the oil to 350F/175C. Lower the eggs in with a spider, standing back; any water on the shell will spit. Fry 2-3 minutes until blistered and golden brown.
5. Drain, halve lengthwise, and lay cut side up on a plate.
6. Spoon the sauce over, then bury them in fried shallots, chilies and cilantro.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old Thai restaurants around Bang Rak and Talat Noi, and any menu with a kap klaem section. Whisky soda, or a cold Singha.

From behind the bar: The classic sauce is built on fish sauce. Light soy in equal measure keeps it vegetarian and honest; it reads a little less funky, which nobody at the table will mind.

You need

• 4 eggs
• 3 tbsp neutral oil
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp light soy sauce
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 4-6 bird's eye chilies, sliced
• 1 small red onion, sliced thin
• 2 stalks Chinese celery, cut in 1-inch lengths
• 1 tomato, wedged
• Cilantro, chopped
• Scallion, chopped

Method

1. Heat the oil in a small pan over medium-high until it shimmers, about 350F/175C.
2. Crack in one egg at a time. The white should bubble up and frill brown at the edges within 30 seconds. Cook 2 minutes, spooning oil over the yolk, until the white is fully set and the underside is lacy and brown.
3. Drain the eggs on paper and let them cool slightly. Cut each into six pieces with scissors.
4. Whisk lime juice, soy sauce, sugar and chilies until the sugar dissolves. Taste: sour first, salty second.
5. Toss onion, celery and tomato in the dressing.
6. Fold the egg in last, gently, so it does not shred. Finish with cilantro and scallion and serve straight away.

Where you'd actually eat it: Neighborhood bars with one wok and a fridge full of beer, all over Din Daeng and Ekkamai. Ordered when the kitchen is closing and the bottle is not empty.

From behind the bar: The dressing normally uses fish sauce; light soy plus a pinch of salt covers it for a vegetarian table. Dress at the last second or the egg goes soggy.

You need

• 750 g / 3 cups full-fat plain yogurt
• 2 garlic cloves, crushed to a paste with a pinch of salt
• 1.5 tbsp dried mint
• 50 g / 1/2 cup walnuts, finely chopped (optional but common)
• 2 tbsp olive oil, plus more to finish
• 1 tsp pul biber
• Salt

Method

1. Line a sieve with a double layer of cheesecloth, tip in the yogurt, set it over a bowl and refrigerate 8-12 hours. You want it thick enough to stand a spoon in.
2. Crush the garlic with salt under the flat of a knife until it is a smooth paste. Chopped garlic leaves hot bites in an otherwise cool dip.
3. Rub the dried mint between your palms into the yogurt — the friction wakes it up. Fresh mint makes a different dish and not this one.
4. Beat garlic, mint, salt and half the olive oil into the strained yogurt until glossy.
5. Fold in the walnuts if using. Rest in the fridge at least 1 hour so the garlic spreads out.
6. Spread in a shallow bowl, drag the back of a spoon through it to make a channel, and pour the rest of the olive oil into it with the pul biber scattered over.
7. Serve cold, with hot bread and whatever came off the grill.

Where you'd actually eat it: On the table at every ocakbaşı in Beyoğlu and Kadıköy before you have ordered anything. Raki, and it is the plate that survives the whole night.

From behind the bar: Süzme yogurt skips the overnight drip. Never low-fat, it weeps. Some meyhanes fold in beyaz peynir — check the label for microbial rennet if that matters to you.

You need

• 3 sheets yufka pastry (or 12 sheets filo, doubled)
• 300 g / 10 oz beyaz peynir or feta, crumbled
• 1 egg, beaten (half for the filling, half for sealing)
• Large handful flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• Sunflower oil for deep frying

Method

1. Mash the cheese with a fork, then mix in half the beaten egg, the parsley and the pepper. No salt — the cheese brings enough.
2. Cut each yufka sheet into 6 triangular wedges. Keep them stacked under a damp towel; yufka goes brittle within minutes of hitting the air.
3. Lay a wedge with the wide edge toward you. Put a finger-thick line of filling across it, leaving 2 cm clear at each end.
4. Fold both sides in over the filling, then roll away from you into a tight cigar. Tight is the whole game — air pockets burst in the oil.
5. Seal the point with the rest of the beaten egg and press it down. Rest the rolls seam-side down while you finish the batch.
6. Heat 5 cm of sunflower oil to 350F/175C. Too cool and they drink oil; too hot and the pastry browns before the cheese melts.
7. Fry 5-6 at a time for 2-3 minutes, turning once, until evenly deep gold and blistered.
8. Drain on a rack, not paper towel, and serve within two minutes. They are only worth eating hot.

Where you'd actually eat it: First plate of the ara sıcak round at meyhanes across Beyoğlu and Kadıköy, and on every home table during Ramazan. Raki, or beer, or tea at four in the morning.

From behind the bar: They freeze raw beautifully. Lay them apart on a tray, freeze solid, bag them, then fry straight from frozen with an extra minute in the oil.

You need

• 6 eggs, plus 2 for coating
• 1 large bunch flat parsley, finely chopped
• 1 small onion, grated, optional
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
• salt, white pepper
• plain flour for dredging
• neutral oil for frying

Method

1. Boil 6 eggs for 10 minutes from a rolling boil, then cool them in ice water. Peel and halve lengthwise.
2. Scoop out the yolks and mash them with the parsley, olive oil, vinegar, salt and white pepper, plus the grated onion if using. You want a stiff, vividly green paste.
3. Mound the paste back into the whites, pressing it in and doming the top slightly. Chill 20 minutes so it sets.
4. Beat the 2 remaining eggs. Dredge each stuffed half in flour, tapping off the excess, then coat in beaten egg, filling side included.
5. Fry in 1cm of oil at 340F/170C, filling side down first, for about 1 minute, then turn and give the white side 1 minute more. Handle them with two spoons.
6. Drain on a rack and serve warm, or cool and hold them in the fridge until you eat.
7. Honest note: some versions fold canned tuna into the yolk mixture. Those are not vegetarian. This one is.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old-fashioned tascas and Alentejo-leaning petisqueiras, less common now than it should be. Served cool with a glass of white or a vinho verde.

From behind the bar: Chill the stuffed eggs before breading. Room-temperature filling slides out in the pan and you end up frying a green slick.

You need

• 1 can (397g) sweetened condensed milk, or 400g ready-made doce de leite
• 4 eggs, separated (pasteurized in-shell if you can get them)
• pinch of salt
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• toasted flaked almonds or crushed Maria biscuits, optional

Method

1. Caramelize the milk the safe way: pour it into a heatproof dish, cover with foil, sit the dish in a roasting tin of hot water and bake at 400F/200C for 60-90 minutes, stirring twice, until it is the color of dark honey. Cool completely.
2. The traditional way is boiling the unopened can 2.5-3 hours. If you do that, keep it submerged under at least 5cm of water the entire time and top up as it evaporates. A can that boils dry can burst. Cool it fully in the can before opening.
3. Beat the yolks into the cooled caramel until completely smooth. Cold caramel only; warm caramel scrambles the yolks.
4. Whip the whites with the salt and lemon juice to firm peaks.
5. Fold the whites into the caramel in three additions, cutting through and turning rather than stirring. Keep the air in.
6. Chill at least 4 hours, covered. Serve cold in glasses with almonds or crushed biscuit on top.
7. Safety note: the eggs stay raw. Use pasteurized eggs, keep it refrigerated, eat it within two days, and skip it entirely for pregnant, elderly, very young or immunocompromised eaters. Folding in 200ml whipped cream instead of the whites gives a denser, safer version, and it is not the real thing.

Where you'd actually eat it: The default tasca dessert, after the moelas and before the bica. A shot of bagaço with it, or a glass of moscatel de Setúbal.

From behind the bar: Cool the caramel to room temperature before the yolks go anywhere near it. Warm caramel scrambles them and no amount of whisking brings it back.

You need

• 8 oz (225 g) mature cheddar made with microbial rennet, grated
• 2 tbsp butter
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup stout or brown ale, not fined with isinglass
• 1 tbsp English mustard
• 1 tsp vegetarian Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• Black pepper
• 4 thick slices sourdough

Method

1. Melt the butter, stir in the flour and cook 2 minutes to a blond roux. No color on it.
2. Add the stout slowly, whisking, until you have a smooth thick paste.
3. Off the heat, stir in the cheddar a handful at a time until melted. Do not boil it after the cheese goes in — it splits and turns oily.
4. Beat in the mustard, vegetarian Worcestershire, cayenne and pepper. Spread on a plate and cool until firm; it spreads far better cold.
5. Toast the bread on both sides. Spread the mixture thick and right to the edges, or the exposed crust burns.
6. Broil 3-4 inches from the element for 2-3 minutes until blistered brown and bubbling.

Where you'd actually eat it: St John serves a proper one and the flat version is on half the bar menus in town. Eaten with a glass of claret or a dark ale, always about forty degrees too hot.

From behind the bar: Worcestershire hides anchovy and some cask stout is fined with isinglass, which is fish. Check both bottles, and use microbial-rennet cheddar.

You need

• 12 eggs
• 3 cups malt vinegar (5% acidity)
• 1 tbsp pickling spice
• 1 tsp black peppercorns
• 2 dried chilies (optional)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 bay leaf

Method

1. Boil the eggs 10 minutes hard, cool in ice water, peel completely. One fragment of shell ruins the jar.
2. Bring vinegar, pickling spice, peppercorns, chilies, salt and bay to a boil, then cool to room temperature.
3. Pack the eggs into a sterilized jar and cover completely with the cold vinegar. Nothing sticking up above the surface.
4. Seal and refrigerate at least 7 days before eating. Two weeks is better.
5. Keep them refrigerated the entire time and eat within a month. A warm jar of under-acidified pickled eggs on a bar counter is a genuine botulism risk, whatever the tradition says.
6. Eat whole out of the jar, or crumble one into a bag of salt and vinegar crisps.

Where you'd actually eat it: The jar on the counter of an old boozer, next to the scratchings. One egg, a bag of crisps, a pint of mild. Nobody in the history of London has ordered two.

From behind the bar: Cold brine over cold eggs. Hot vinegar turns the whites rubbery and gray at the edges within a day.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb / 700 g waxy potatoes, peeled, sliced thin
• 1 medium onion, sliced thin (contested; include it)
• 6 large eggs
• 1 1/2 cups / 350 ml olive oil
• Salt
• Bread, to serve

Method

1. Heat the oil in a 9 in / 23 cm nonstick skillet to about 250F / 120C. Add potatoes and onion with a good pinch of salt. They should barely bubble — this is a confit, not a fry. 20-25 minutes, stirring gently, until the potato breaks under a spoon.
2. Drain in a colander over a bowl, keeping the oil.
3. Beat the eggs with salt, then fold the hot potato in and let it sit 10 minutes. The starch and the egg need to meet before it hits the pan.
4. Wipe the pan, return 1 tbsp of the reserved oil, heat over medium, pour in the mix. Cook 3-4 minutes, drawing the edges in, until the sides are set and the center still moves.
5. Cover with a plate, flip, slide back in, and cook 2-3 minutes more for a runny center — longer if you want it firm.
6. Rest 5 minutes, cut in wedges, serve warm or at room temperature on bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: Casa Dani in Mercado de la Paz and La Ardosa in Malasaña are the two names people argue about. A wedge, a caña, mid-morning, standing.

From behind the bar: A runny center means undercooked egg. Use very fresh or pasteurized eggs, or cook it through to 160F / 71C and accept the firmer texture.

You need

• 1 day-old plain white baguette or country loaf, in 1 in / 2.5 cm slices
• 2 1/2 cups / 600 ml whole milk
• 1/3 cup / 70 g sugar, plus more for coating
• 1 cinnamon stick
• Peel of 1 lemon, no pith
• 2 eggs, beaten
• Mild olive oil for shallow frying
• 1 tbsp ground cinnamon mixed with 1/3 cup sugar

Method

1. Bring the milk, sugar, cinnamon stick, and lemon peel just to a simmer, then take off the heat and infuse 20 minutes. Strain and cool to warm.
2. Lay the bread slices in a dish and pour the milk over. Soak 5-10 minutes, turning once. They should be saturated but still hold together — day-old bread only, fresh bread collapses.
3. Lift each slice carefully, let it drain, then pass through beaten egg.
4. Fry in 1/2 in / 1.5 cm of olive oil at 340-350F / 170-175C, about 2 minutes per side, until deep gold and firm at the edges.
5. Drain on a rack, then roll while hot in cinnamon sugar.
6. Cool to warm or room temperature before eating. Inside should be custardy, not wet.

Where you'd actually eat it: Sold from the counter in tabernas and pastelerías through Lent and Semana Santa, usually with a small glass of sweet wine. Some bars finish them in honey instead of sugar — still vegetarian, never vegan.

From behind the bar: Do not stack them hot or the crust softens and you have pudding. A rack, in one layer, ten minutes.

You need

• 200 g Oaxaca cheese or low-moisture mozzarella, either one made with vegetarian rennet
• Salsa verde, or salsa macha made without dried shrimp
• Warm corn tortillas (optional)

Method

1. Pull the cheese apart into thin strands. Bagged pre-shredded cheese is coated with anti-caking starch and will not lacquer properly.
2. Heat a dry nonstick or well-seasoned skillet over medium. No oil — the cheese supplies all of it.
3. Spread the cheese in a thin, even round about 8 inches / 20 cm across. Thin is the whole thing; a thick layer stays chewy in the middle.
4. Let it melt, bubble and release its fat. Cook 4-6 minutes without touching it. It is ready when the bubbling slows and the underside is deep golden brown and stiff at the edges.
5. Slide it out onto a plate with a spatula. It goes brittle within a minute of leaving the heat.
6. Break into shards with salsa, or roll it around salsa and eat it like a taco while it is still pliable.

Where you'd actually eat it: Mezcalerías and taquerías with a plancha, ordered as a botana while the trompo works. Mezcal, sipped, or a beer to cut the fat.

From behind the bar: Traditional Oaxaca cheese and cotija use animal rennet, and plenty of salsa macha carries dried shrimp. Read the labels or ask at the counter.

You need

• Kernels from 4 ears of corn (about 600 g)
• 1 sprig epazote
• 1/2 white onion, chopped
• 1 tbsp butter
• 250 ml water
• Salt
• Mayonnaise
• Crumbled cotija or feta made with vegetarian rennet — both are usually made with animal rennet, so check
• Ground chile piquín
• 2 limes

Method

1. Melt the butter in a pot over medium heat, add the corn and onion, and cook 5 minutes without browning.
2. Add the water, epazote and a good pinch of salt. Cover and simmer 12-15 minutes, until the kernels are tender and most of the liquid has cooked away. Keep a few spoonfuls of the cooking liquid in the pot — the broth is what makes it esquites and not corn salad.
3. Pull the epazote out. Taste for salt.
4. Ladle the hot corn into cups or small bowls with a little of the broth.
5. Top each with a spoon of mayonnaise, crumbled cheese, a hard squeeze of lime and as much chile powder as you can defend.
6. Stir it in with the spoon and eat it standing up, which is how it is designed to be eaten.

Where you'd actually eat it: Drum carts on corners across the city from dusk onward, including directly outside cantinas and pulquerías. Eaten on the walk home, or by the door with a last beer.

From behind the bar: Swap the butter for oil and drop the mayonnaise and cheese and it is genuinely vegan, and still good. Just do not pretend that is the classic version.

You need

• 3.25 cups / 400 g 00 flour
• 1 tsp / 5 g instant yeast
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 cup / 240 ml warm water
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1.5 cups / 350 g canned crushed tomatoes, drained well
• 9 oz / 250 g low-moisture mozzarella, diced and drained
• Dried oregano
• Salt
• Neutral oil for deep frying

Method

1. Mix flour, yeast, salt and sugar, add water and oil, and knead 10 minutes to a smooth soft dough. Rise covered 2 hours until doubled.
2. Drain the tomatoes in a sieve for 20 minutes and press the diced mozzarella between towels. Wet filling means a burst panzerotto and a ruined pan of oil.
3. Season the tomato with salt and oregano. Keep it and the cheese separate until the last moment.
4. Divide the dough into 8 balls, rest 20 minutes, then roll each into a 7 in / 18 cm disc.
5. Put a spoon of tomato and a spoon of mozzarella slightly off center, fold over, press the air out from the filling outward, and seal the edge hard — press with a fork, then fold the rim over itself.
6. Heat 2.5 in / 6 cm of oil to 340F / 170C. Fry two at a time, 2 minutes a side, spooning oil over the top until puffed and gold.
7. Drain on a rack. Wait 3 minutes. The filling is well past boiling and it will punish you.

Where you'd actually eat it: Luini, behind the Duomo, has been frying them for decades and the queue is permanent. Eat one standing on the street with a beer, burn your mouth anyway.

From behind the bar: Mozzarella is usually set with animal rennet — buy one labeled vegetarian rennet if that matters to you. Seal the edge twice; a leak in the fryer ends the batch.

You need

• 1 cup / 130 g 00 flour
• 1 cup / 150 g fine cornmeal
• 3/4 cup / 150 g sugar
• 5.5 oz / 160 g cold unsalted butter, cubed
• 1 cup / 130 g almonds, half whole with skins, half coarsely chopped
• 2 egg yolks
• Zest of 1 lemon
• 1 tsp vanilla or a splash of grappa
• Pinch of salt
• Powdered sugar, to finish

Method

1. Heat the oven to 350F / 175C and butter a 9 in / 23 cm springform or tart pan.
2. Mix flour, cornmeal, sugar, salt, lemon zest and the almonds in a bowl.
3. Rub in the cold butter with your fingertips until the mixture looks like coarse gravel — lumps are correct here, do not make a dough.
4. Add the yolks and vanilla and toss with a fork just until the crumbs clump loosely. If it comes together into a ball, you overworked it.
5. Tip the crumbs into the pan and level them without pressing. The texture depends on them staying loose and uneven.
6. Bake 40 to 45 minutes until deep gold and firm at the edges. It will still feel soft in the middle; it sets as it cools.
7. Cool completely in the pan, dust with powdered sugar, then break it apart by hand. Never cut it with a knife.

Where you'd actually eat it: The end of the meal at Lombard trattorie. It lands whole on the table, everyone breaks off a piece, and it goes into grappa or a glass of sweet wine.

From behind the bar: Keeps two weeks in a tin and gets better after three days. Cold butter, fingertips, no mixer.

You need

• 7 oz / 200 g gorgonzola dolce, rind removed (DOP gorgonzola is set with calf rennet — buy a vegetarian-rennet blue if that matters to you)
• 5 oz / 150 g mascarpone
• 1 tbsp grappa or dry white wine
• 2 tbsp walnuts, toasted and chopped
• Coarse black pepper
• Celery hearts, cut into sticks
• Grissini or crusty bread
• Mostarda di Cremona, or thin pear slices

Method

1. Take both cheeses out of the fridge an hour ahead. Cold gorgonzola will not blend, it only crumbles.
2. Scrape off the rind and mash the cheese with a fork into a coarse paste.
3. Beat in the mascarpone a spoonful at a time until it is smooth and spreadable but still streaked with blue. Do it by hand — a machine whips the mascarpone until it splits.
4. Loosen with the grappa and grind in pepper. No salt: the cheese carries plenty.
5. Pack into a bowl, cover, and chill 30 minutes to firm up. Bring it back to cool room temperature before serving.
6. Scatter the walnuts over the top and serve with celery, grissini and mostarda alongside.

Where you'd actually eat it: Salumerie and old wine bars keep a tub on the counter and hand it over with bread and celery. Bonarda, a young Barbera, or an amber vermouth if you are already three deep.

From behind the bar: Gorgonzola dolce, not piccante — the aged one fights everything else on the counter. Both cheeses at room temperature or the mixture seizes and goes grainy.

You need

• 4 large eggs, at room temperature
• 1 egg yolk, room temperature (pasteurized if anyone at the table is pregnant, elderly or immunocompromised)
• 1 tbsp Dijon mustard
• 3/4 cup / 180 ml neutral oil (grapeseed or sunflower)
• 1 tsp white wine vinegar
• Fine salt, white pepper
• Optional: pinch of cayenne, chopped chives
• Green salad leaves and bread, to serve

Method

1. Lower the whole eggs into boiling water and cook 9 minutes for a set yolk that is still creamy at the center. The charter version is cooked through but never chalky.
2. Move straight to ice water for 5 minutes, then peel under running water.
3. For the mayonnaise, whisk the yolk with the mustard and a pinch of salt for 30 seconds. Add the oil drop by drop at first, then in a thin stream, whisking hard, until it is thick enough to hold a peak.
4. Slacken with the vinegar and a teaspoon of warm water, season with salt and white pepper. It should coat, not run. Keep it refrigerated and use it the same day; it is raw egg.
5. Halve the eggs lengthwise and set them cut-side down on the plate, so they read as white domes.
6. Spoon the mayonnaise over to cover, dust with cayenne, scatter chives. Serve cool with bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: The house test at any real bistro or bar-tabac, usually the cheapest line on the slate. Order it with a glass of Chinon or a demi.

From behind the bar: If the mayonnaise splits, start a fresh yolk in a clean bowl and whisk the broken batch into it a spoonful at a time.

You need

• 2 bunches breakfast radishes (radis roses), with leaves attached
• 4 oz / 120 g high-fat cultured butter (Isigny, Échiré, or any European-style), soft
• Fleur de sel or coarse sea salt
• Fresh baguette
• Optional: a few tender radish leaves

Method

1. Trim the root tails and cut the tops back to about half an inch of green, which gives you a handle.
2. Wash them hard in cold water, working the grit out of the stem end with your fingers.
3. Soak 20 minutes in ice water. This is the step people skip and it is the one that makes them snap.
4. Drain and dry completely. Wet radishes will not hold butter.
5. Serve in a bowl with the butter in a block, a mound of coarse salt and torn baguette on the side. Everyone butters their own.
6. Eat by dragging the radish through the butter, then the salt, then into your mouth.

Where you'd actually eat it: Market-adjacent cafés and bistro terraces from April on. Chilled Sancerre, a dry Chenin, or a beer if it is warm out.

From behind the bar: Woody hollow radishes are a total loss. Buy the small ones with crisp green tops still attached, in spring if you can.

You need

• 6 eggs
• 3 tbsp water or milk
• 1/2 tsp fine salt
• 2 tbsp finely diced carrot
• 2 scallions, sliced thin
• 2 tbsp finely diced onion
• 1 tbsp finely diced green bell pepper
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• Ketchup, to serve

Method

1. Beat the eggs with the water and salt, then strain through a sieve. Straining is what gives the finished roll a smooth, dense face instead of a spongy one.
2. Stir in the carrot, onion, pepper and scallion.
3. Heat a rectangular or small nonstick pan over low-medium with a film of oil. Low heat is not optional; browning ruins the look and the texture.
4. Pour in a third of the egg, tilt to coat, and cook 90 seconds until the surface is just set but still glossy. Roll it from one side to the other with a spatula.
5. Oil the empty part of the pan, pour in half the remaining egg, lift the roll so the raw egg runs underneath, set 90 seconds, then roll again. Repeat with the last of the egg.
6. Cook the finished roll on each face for 30 seconds to firm it, then rest 3 minutes on a board and slice 3/4 inch thick. Center should read 160F/71C. Serve warm with ketchup on the side.

Where you'd actually eat it: On every pocha menu in Seoul, usually the cheapest thing there. Ordered with soju around the second hour, when the table needs something soft between the chili dishes.

From behind the bar: Roll while the top is still tacky. Wait until it is fully set and the layers refuse to weld, and it falls apart on the board.

You need

• 2 cans (about 600 g) sweet corn, drained very well
• 3 tbsp Japanese-style mayonnaise (egg-based, so vegetarian not vegan)
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 1/4 onion, diced fine
• 2 tbsp diced red bell pepper
• 1 tbsp unsalted butter
• 150 g mozzarella made with microbial rennet, shredded
• 2 scallions, sliced
• Black pepper

Method

1. Drain the corn thoroughly and press it in a sieve. Wet corn turns the pan into soup and the cheese will not brown.
2. Mix the corn with mayonnaise, sugar, onion, bell pepper and a good grind of black pepper.
3. Melt the butter in a small cast iron skillet over medium heat until it foams.
4. Add the corn mixture, spread flat, and cook 4 minutes without stirring so the base catches and sweetens.
5. Blanket the top with mozzarella, drop the heat to low, and cover for 3 to 4 minutes until fully melted.
6. Finish 2 minutes under a hot broiler until the top blisters brown in patches. Scatter scallion and serve in the pan, still spitting.

Where you'd actually eat it: Standard on pocha and Korean barbecue menus across Seoul, ordered as the sweet counterweight to a table of grilled pork. Beer, always. Soju against this is a mistake you only make once.

From behind the bar: Plenty of supermarket mozzarella is set with animal rennet. Check the pack for microbial or vegetarian rennet, or the dish is not vegetarian.

You need

• 4 eggs
• 4-inch piece kombu
• 2 dried shiitake mushrooms
• 1 tsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp mirin
• 1/4 tsp salt
• Neutral oil
• Grated daikon and soy sauce, to serve

Method

1. Steep the kombu and shiitake in 1.5 cups cold water at least 4 hours. Warm to just below a simmer and pull the kombu out. Classic dashimaki uses bonito dashi and is not vegetarian; this version is, and it holds up. You need 1/3 cup, cooled.
2. Beat the eggs without whipping air into them. Cut through them with chopsticks rather than whisking. Stir in the cooled dashi, soy, mirin and salt, then strain through a sieve.
3. Heat a rectangular tamagoyaki pan or a small nonstick skillet over medium-low. Oil it with a folded paper towel.
4. Pour in a thin layer, about a fifth of the mix. When the surface is just set but still glossy, roll it from the far edge toward you with chopsticks or a spatula.
5. Oil the empty part of the pan, push the roll back to the far side, pour in the next layer and lift the roll so the raw egg runs underneath. Set, roll, repeat.
6. Keep the heat low the whole way. Browning is a fault here, not a feature — the finished roll should be pale yellow, and the last layer must be set through, not liquid.
7. Turn out onto a bamboo mat or paper towel, shape gently, rest 3 minutes, then cut into thick slices.
8. Serve warm with a mound of grated daikon and a few drops of soy.

Where you'd actually eat it: A sake-focused izakaya where the tamago is made to order and takes ten minutes. Order it first, drink while you wait.

From behind the bar: More dashi means a softer, wetter roll and a harder time rolling it. Start at 1/3 cup, go up once your hands know the move.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700g) yellow potatoes, peeled and quartered
• 1 Japanese cucumber, sliced paper thin
• 1/2 small onion, sliced paper thin
• 1 small carrot, thinly sliced
• 1 tsp salt, for the vegetables
• 1 tbsp rice vinegar
• 5 tbsp Japanese mayonnaise (Kewpie)
• 1/2 tsp sugar
• White pepper
• Salt to taste

Method

1. Boil the potatoes in well-salted water 15 to 18 minutes, until a knife slides through with no resistance. Blanch the carrot slices in the same water for the last 2 minutes.
2. Toss the cucumber and onion with 1 tsp salt, wait 10 minutes, then squeeze them dry in your hands. Squeeze harder than feels reasonable.
3. Drain the potatoes and return them to the dry hot pot for 30 seconds to steam off. Mash roughly — half smooth, half in lumps. Never fully smooth.
4. While still hot, stir in the rice vinegar and a pinch of salt. Hot potato takes seasoning; cold potato does not.
5. Cool to room temperature within an hour, then fold in mayonnaise, sugar, cucumber, onion and carrot. Season with white pepper.
6. Chill at least 1 hour and serve cold, in a mound, with a little more pepper on top. It keeps three days in the fridge and no longer.

Where you'd actually eat it: A counter izakaya where it sits in the glass case all evening, scooped to order, eaten with beer and no urgency.

From behind the bar: Kewpie is egg yolk and rice vinegar — vegetarian, not vegan. Most izakaya versions have ham or bacon in them; this one does not, which is why it is meat-free.