You need

• 9 oz block vegetarian halloumi (microbial rennet), cut into 1/2 in x 3 in batons
• 3 tbsp cornstarch
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/4 tsp coarse black pepper
• Neutral oil for frying, about 4 cups, enough for 1 1/2 in in a heavy pot
• 1/3 cup honey
• 1 tbsp cayenne hot sauce (Frank's RedHot or similar, no Worcestershire in the label)
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1 tsp cider vinegar
• Flaky salt and 2 tbsp torn mint, to finish

Method

1. Press the halloumi batons between paper towels for 10 minutes. Wet cheese does not brown and it spits.
2. Whisk the cornstarch, flour, paprika and pepper. Toss the batons to coat and tap off the excess. No salt in the dredge, the cheese brings plenty.
3. Heat 1 1/2 in of oil in a heavy pot to 350F.
4. Warm the honey, hot sauce, pepper flakes, butter and vinegar in a small pan over low heat for 2 to 3 minutes until pourable, then kill the heat.
5. Fry in two batches, 2 to 3 minutes, turning once, until deep gold and blistered. Do not crowd the pot. If the oil drops under 325F the cheese goes rubbery instead of crisp.
6. Drain 30 seconds on a wire rack, never on paper. Paper steams the crust off.
7. Pile onto a warm plate, pour the hot honey over, finish with flaky salt and mint. Eat inside five minutes, after that it turns back into a squeaky brick.

From behind the bar: Halloumi will not brown while it is damp. Ten minutes under paper towels is the difference between golden fries and a pot of angry oil.

You need

• 8 oz elbow macaroni (egg-free dried pasta)
• 4 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, plus 1 cup for dredging
• 2 cups whole milk, warmed
• 8 oz sharp vegetarian cheddar (microbial rennet), grated
• 4 oz vegetarian Gruyere-style cheese (microbial rennet), grated
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 large eggs, beaten
• 2 cups panko
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 2 quarts for 3 in depth

Method

1. Boil the macaroni in well-salted water 2 minutes short of the package time, about 5 minutes. Drain and do not rinse.
2. Melt the butter over medium heat, whisk in the 1/4 cup flour and cook 2 minutes until it smells like biscuits. Add the warm milk in three stages, whisking, then simmer 5 minutes until it coats a spoon.
3. Off the heat, stir in both cheeses, the Dijon, cayenne, onion powder and salt until smooth. Fold in the pasta. The mix should be too thick to pour.
4. Press into a parchment-lined 9x13 pan about 1 in deep, cover and refrigerate at least 3 hours, better overnight. Skip this and it disintegrates in the fryer.
5. Cut into 1 1/2 in squares. Dredge in flour, then egg, then panko. Freeze the breaded cubes 20 minutes.
6. Heat 3 in of oil to 360F. Fry 4 or 5 at a time for 2 to 2 1/2 minutes until deep gold, keeping the oil above 340F between batches.
7. Drain on a rack and salt straight away. Tell people they are lava for the first three minutes. Some of them will listen.

From behind the bar: Freeze the breaded cubes 20 minutes before frying. Cold center, hot oil, and the crust sets before the cheese blows out the seams.

You need

• 1 lb low-moisture whole-milk mozzarella, in a block
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 large eggs beaten with 2 tbsp water
• 2 cups panko or fine dry breadcrumbs
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying
• 1 cup marinara, warmed, for dipping

Method

1. Cut the mozzarella block into sticks roughly 3 inches long and 1/2 inch thick. You should get about 16.
2. Set up three dishes: flour, egg wash, and breadcrumbs mixed with the garlic powder, oregano, and salt.
3. Coat each stick in flour, then egg, then crumbs. Then egg and crumbs a second time. The double coat is what holds the cheese in.
4. Lay the sticks on a parchment-lined sheet and freeze at least 2 hours, or overnight. They must be frozen solid.
5. Heat the oil to 375F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a clip-on thermometer. Do not guess the temperature, and keep a lid within reach in case of a flare-up.
6. Fry 4 or 5 frozen sticks at a time for 45 to 60 seconds, until deep golden. Lower them in with a spider, away from you. Crowding the pot drops the oil temperature and ruins the batch.
7. Lift onto a wire rack, salt lightly, and let the oil climb back to 375F before the next batch.
8. Rest 2 minutes before serving. The cheese comes out molten and it will take the roof off someone's mouth.

From behind the bar: Fry from frozen at 375F, not lower. Under 350F the breading drinks oil and the cheese ruptures before the crust ever sets.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and sliced 1/8 inch thick
• 1 large yellow onion, sliced thin
• 2 cups olive oil
• 8 large eggs
• 2 1/2 tsp fine salt, divided
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1 garlic clove, grated
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• Flaky salt and black pepper

Method

1. Warm the olive oil in a 10-inch nonstick pan to 250 to 275F. It should barely move.
2. Slide in the potatoes and onion with 1 1/2 tsp salt. Cook 22 to 25 minutes, turning gently, until a slice crushes against the pan with no resistance. No browning. Drain in a colander and save the oil.
3. Beat the eggs with the remaining 1 tsp salt. Fold in the warm potatoes and let the whole thing sit 10 minutes so the egg soaks in.
4. Wipe the pan, heat 2 tbsp of the reserved oil over medium. Add the mixture, flatten the top, and cook 4 to 5 minutes, pulling the edges in with a spatula until the sides are set and the center still moves.
5. Cover with a plate wider than the pan, flip, and slide it back in raw side down. Tuck the edge under with the spatula. Cook 3 to 4 minutes more. The middle should be barely set, custardy, jugosa.
6. Rest 10 minutes on a rack. Stir the mayonnaise with garlic and lemon for the allioli. Cut into wedges and serve warm or at room temperature with the allioli and flaky salt.

From behind the bar: Flip with a plate wider than the pan, over the sink, in one motion. Hesitating is what causes the mess, not speed.

You need

• 1 jar (16 oz) dill pickle chips, drained, about 2 cups
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 large egg
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup fine cornmeal
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying
• Ranch or comeback sauce, for dipping

Method

1. Spread the drained pickle chips in a single layer on paper towels, cover with more towels, and leave them 20 minutes. Press down and blot again. Wet pickles will not hold breading, and wet pickles spit in hot oil.
2. Whisk the buttermilk and egg in one bowl. Combine the flour, cornmeal, paprika, cayenne, garlic powder, pepper, and salt in another.
3. Heat the oil to 375F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a thermometer clipped to the rim.
4. Working with a handful at a time, dip the chips in the buttermilk, let the excess run off, then press them firmly into the dry mix.
5. Fry in batches of 10 to 12 for 2 to 3 minutes, until deep golden and crackling. Lower them in gently and do not crowd the pot.
6. Lift onto a wire rack, salt while still glistening, and let the oil return to 375F between batches.
7. Serve immediately with ranch. These have a shelf life of about four minutes.

From behind the bar: Stir 2 tbsp of the pickle brine into your ranch. Costs nothing, cuts the mayo, and makes the dip taste like it was made on purpose.

You need

• 6 eggs
• 1/4 cup tamarind concentrate
• 1/4 cup palm sugar, chopped
• 2 tbsp light soy sauce
• 2 tbsp water
• 4 shallots, sliced thin
• 4 dried red chilies
• Cilantro
• Neutral oil for frying, about 3 cups

Method

1. Boil the eggs 8 minutes for a set but still bright yolk. Shock in ice water, peel, and dry them completely.
2. Heat 2 inches of oil to 275F/135C. Fry the shallots 6-8 minutes to pale gold, drain. Fry the dried chilies 20 seconds, drain.
3. Simmer tamarind, palm sugar, soy sauce and water in a small pan over medium 4-5 minutes, until it coats a spoon. It should be equally sour and sweet.
4. Raise the oil to 350F/175C. Lower the eggs in with a spider, standing back; any water on the shell will spit. Fry 2-3 minutes until blistered and golden brown.
5. Drain, halve lengthwise, and lay cut side up on a plate.
6. Spoon the sauce over, then bury them in fried shallots, chilies and cilantro.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old Thai restaurants around Bang Rak and Talat Noi, and any menu with a kap klaem section. Whisky soda, or a cold Singha.

From behind the bar: The classic sauce is built on fish sauce. Light soy in equal measure keeps it vegetarian and honest; it reads a little less funky, which nobody at the table will mind.

You need

• 3 sheets yufka pastry (or 12 sheets filo, doubled)
• 300 g / 10 oz beyaz peynir or feta, crumbled
• 1 egg, beaten (half for the filling, half for sealing)
• Large handful flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• Sunflower oil for deep frying

Method

1. Mash the cheese with a fork, then mix in half the beaten egg, the parsley and the pepper. No salt — the cheese brings enough.
2. Cut each yufka sheet into 6 triangular wedges. Keep them stacked under a damp towel; yufka goes brittle within minutes of hitting the air.
3. Lay a wedge with the wide edge toward you. Put a finger-thick line of filling across it, leaving 2 cm clear at each end.
4. Fold both sides in over the filling, then roll away from you into a tight cigar. Tight is the whole game — air pockets burst in the oil.
5. Seal the point with the rest of the beaten egg and press it down. Rest the rolls seam-side down while you finish the batch.
6. Heat 5 cm of sunflower oil to 350F/175C. Too cool and they drink oil; too hot and the pastry browns before the cheese melts.
7. Fry 5-6 at a time for 2-3 minutes, turning once, until evenly deep gold and blistered.
8. Drain on a rack, not paper towel, and serve within two minutes. They are only worth eating hot.

Where you'd actually eat it: First plate of the ara sıcak round at meyhanes across Beyoğlu and Kadıköy, and on every home table during Ramazan. Raki, or beer, or tea at four in the morning.

From behind the bar: They freeze raw beautifully. Lay them apart on a tray, freeze solid, bag them, then fry straight from frozen with an extra minute in the oil.

You need

• 6 eggs, plus 2 for coating
• 1 large bunch flat parsley, finely chopped
• 1 small onion, grated, optional
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
• salt, white pepper
• plain flour for dredging
• neutral oil for frying

Method

1. Boil 6 eggs for 10 minutes from a rolling boil, then cool them in ice water. Peel and halve lengthwise.
2. Scoop out the yolks and mash them with the parsley, olive oil, vinegar, salt and white pepper, plus the grated onion if using. You want a stiff, vividly green paste.
3. Mound the paste back into the whites, pressing it in and doming the top slightly. Chill 20 minutes so it sets.
4. Beat the 2 remaining eggs. Dredge each stuffed half in flour, tapping off the excess, then coat in beaten egg, filling side included.
5. Fry in 1cm of oil at 340F/170C, filling side down first, for about 1 minute, then turn and give the white side 1 minute more. Handle them with two spoons.
6. Drain on a rack and serve warm, or cool and hold them in the fridge until you eat.
7. Honest note: some versions fold canned tuna into the yolk mixture. Those are not vegetarian. This one is.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old-fashioned tascas and Alentejo-leaning petisqueiras, less common now than it should be. Served cool with a glass of white or a vinho verde.

From behind the bar: Chill the stuffed eggs before breading. Room-temperature filling slides out in the pan and you end up frying a green slick.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb / 700 g waxy potatoes, peeled, sliced thin
• 1 medium onion, sliced thin (contested; include it)
• 6 large eggs
• 1 1/2 cups / 350 ml olive oil
• Salt
• Bread, to serve

Method

1. Heat the oil in a 9 in / 23 cm nonstick skillet to about 250F / 120C. Add potatoes and onion with a good pinch of salt. They should barely bubble — this is a confit, not a fry. 20-25 minutes, stirring gently, until the potato breaks under a spoon.
2. Drain in a colander over a bowl, keeping the oil.
3. Beat the eggs with salt, then fold the hot potato in and let it sit 10 minutes. The starch and the egg need to meet before it hits the pan.
4. Wipe the pan, return 1 tbsp of the reserved oil, heat over medium, pour in the mix. Cook 3-4 minutes, drawing the edges in, until the sides are set and the center still moves.
5. Cover with a plate, flip, slide back in, and cook 2-3 minutes more for a runny center — longer if you want it firm.
6. Rest 5 minutes, cut in wedges, serve warm or at room temperature on bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: Casa Dani in Mercado de la Paz and La Ardosa in Malasaña are the two names people argue about. A wedge, a caña, mid-morning, standing.

From behind the bar: A runny center means undercooked egg. Use very fresh or pasteurized eggs, or cook it through to 160F / 71C and accept the firmer texture.

You need

• 200 g Oaxaca cheese or low-moisture mozzarella, either one made with vegetarian rennet
• Salsa verde, or salsa macha made without dried shrimp
• Warm corn tortillas (optional)

Method

1. Pull the cheese apart into thin strands. Bagged pre-shredded cheese is coated with anti-caking starch and will not lacquer properly.
2. Heat a dry nonstick or well-seasoned skillet over medium. No oil — the cheese supplies all of it.
3. Spread the cheese in a thin, even round about 8 inches / 20 cm across. Thin is the whole thing; a thick layer stays chewy in the middle.
4. Let it melt, bubble and release its fat. Cook 4-6 minutes without touching it. It is ready when the bubbling slows and the underside is deep golden brown and stiff at the edges.
5. Slide it out onto a plate with a spatula. It goes brittle within a minute of leaving the heat.
6. Break into shards with salsa, or roll it around salsa and eat it like a taco while it is still pliable.

Where you'd actually eat it: Mezcalerías and taquerías with a plancha, ordered as a botana while the trompo works. Mezcal, sipped, or a beer to cut the fat.

From behind the bar: Traditional Oaxaca cheese and cotija use animal rennet, and plenty of salsa macha carries dried shrimp. Read the labels or ask at the counter.

You need

• 3.25 cups / 400 g 00 flour
• 1 tsp / 5 g instant yeast
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 cup / 240 ml warm water
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1.5 cups / 350 g canned crushed tomatoes, drained well
• 9 oz / 250 g low-moisture mozzarella, diced and drained
• Dried oregano
• Salt
• Neutral oil for deep frying

Method

1. Mix flour, yeast, salt and sugar, add water and oil, and knead 10 minutes to a smooth soft dough. Rise covered 2 hours until doubled.
2. Drain the tomatoes in a sieve for 20 minutes and press the diced mozzarella between towels. Wet filling means a burst panzerotto and a ruined pan of oil.
3. Season the tomato with salt and oregano. Keep it and the cheese separate until the last moment.
4. Divide the dough into 8 balls, rest 20 minutes, then roll each into a 7 in / 18 cm disc.
5. Put a spoon of tomato and a spoon of mozzarella slightly off center, fold over, press the air out from the filling outward, and seal the edge hard — press with a fork, then fold the rim over itself.
6. Heat 2.5 in / 6 cm of oil to 340F / 170C. Fry two at a time, 2 minutes a side, spooning oil over the top until puffed and gold.
7. Drain on a rack. Wait 3 minutes. The filling is well past boiling and it will punish you.

Where you'd actually eat it: Luini, behind the Duomo, has been frying them for decades and the queue is permanent. Eat one standing on the street with a beer, burn your mouth anyway.

From behind the bar: Mozzarella is usually set with animal rennet — buy one labeled vegetarian rennet if that matters to you. Seal the edge twice; a leak in the fryer ends the batch.

You need

• 6 eggs
• 3 tbsp water or milk
• 1/2 tsp fine salt
• 2 tbsp finely diced carrot
• 2 scallions, sliced thin
• 2 tbsp finely diced onion
• 1 tbsp finely diced green bell pepper
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• Ketchup, to serve

Method

1. Beat the eggs with the water and salt, then strain through a sieve. Straining is what gives the finished roll a smooth, dense face instead of a spongy one.
2. Stir in the carrot, onion, pepper and scallion.
3. Heat a rectangular or small nonstick pan over low-medium with a film of oil. Low heat is not optional; browning ruins the look and the texture.
4. Pour in a third of the egg, tilt to coat, and cook 90 seconds until the surface is just set but still glossy. Roll it from one side to the other with a spatula.
5. Oil the empty part of the pan, pour in half the remaining egg, lift the roll so the raw egg runs underneath, set 90 seconds, then roll again. Repeat with the last of the egg.
6. Cook the finished roll on each face for 30 seconds to firm it, then rest 3 minutes on a board and slice 3/4 inch thick. Center should read 160F/71C. Serve warm with ketchup on the side.

Where you'd actually eat it: On every pocha menu in Seoul, usually the cheapest thing there. Ordered with soju around the second hour, when the table needs something soft between the chili dishes.

From behind the bar: Roll while the top is still tacky. Wait until it is fully set and the layers refuse to weld, and it falls apart on the board.