You need

• 1 whole 8 oz vegetarian camembert (microbial rennet), fridge cold
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 large eggs, beaten with 1 tbsp water
• 1 1/2 cups panko
• 1/2 tsp black pepper and 1/2 tsp dried thyme, mixed into the panko
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 2 quarts for 3 in depth
• 1/3 cup sour cherry or cranberry preserves (pectin-set, gelatin-free)
• 1 tsp red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp cracked black pepper
• Grilled sourdough, for dipping

Method

1. Leave the wheel in the fridge until the oil is at temperature. A room-temperature camembert bursts in the pot.
2. Flour the whole wheel, dip in egg, press into the seasoned panko. Then egg and panko a second time. The double coat is the only thing holding this together.
3. Freeze the breaded wheel 20 minutes on a plate.
4. Heat 3 in of oil to 340F. Lower than you would normally fry, so the crust sets while the inside melts instead of scorching first.
5. Fry 3 to 4 minutes, turning once, until evenly deep gold. Lift out with a spider and rest on a rack for 2 minutes.
6. Warm the preserves with the vinegar and cracked pepper in a small pan over low heat for 2 minutes until pourable.
7. Cut a cross in the top at the table and let it slump. Bread goes in immediately. It firms up again in about ten minutes and the moment is gone.

From behind the bar: Any crack in the breading is a blowout waiting to happen. Patch bare spots with more egg and panko before it goes anywhere near the oil.

You need

• 1 lb white American cheese, sliced at the deli counter (not individually wrapped singles)
• 1 cup whole milk, plus more for loosening
• 1/2 cup evaporated milk
• 2 fresh poblano peppers
• 1 jalapeno, seeded and minced
• 1/2 small white onion, minced
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
• Thick-cut tortilla chips, to serve

Method

1. Char the poblanos directly over a gas flame or under a broiler 8-10 minutes, turning, until blackened in patches. Seal in a covered bowl 10 minutes to steam, then peel, seed, and dice.
2. Heat the oil in a heavy saucepan over medium. Cook the onion and jalapeno 4-5 minutes until soft but not browned. Add the cumin and stir 30 seconds.
3. Add both milks and bring to 150F — steaming, never simmering. Boiling milk here will cost you the texture.
4. Tear the cheese into pieces. Add a small handful at a time over low heat, stirring constantly with a rubber spatula until each addition is fully melted before the next goes in. Takes about 8 minutes total.
5. Fold in the diced poblano and salt to taste.
6. Serve in a warmed bowl or a small slow cooker set to warm — hold it at 145F or above, not on a cold table for hours. As it tightens, stir in whole milk 1 tablespoon at a time.
7. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours in a shallow container. Reheat gently over low heat with a splash of milk; do not microwave it hard or it will split.

From behind the bar: Deli white American carries sodium citrate, which is why it emulsifies instead of splitting. Straight cheddar will break into oil and rubber every time.

You need

• 10 oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed
• 1 (14 oz) can artichoke hearts in water, drained and roughly chopped
• 8 oz cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 3/4 cup finely grated Parmesan
• 1 cup shredded low-moisture mozzarella, divided
• 2 cloves garlic, grated
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1 baguette, sliced 1/2 inch thick, plus olive oil for brushing

Method

1. Heat the oven to 375F.
2. Wrap the thawed spinach in a clean kitchen towel and twist hard over the sink until no more liquid comes out. Press the artichokes the same way, then chop both.
3. Beat the cream cheese smooth, then stir in sour cream, mayonnaise, Parmesan, half the mozzarella, garlic, pepper, cayenne, lemon juice, and salt.
4. Fold in the spinach and artichokes. Spread into a 1-quart baking dish and top with the remaining mozzarella.
5. Bake 25-30 minutes, until bubbling at the edges and hot through — 165F at the center on an instant-read thermometer.
6. Run it under the broiler 2-3 minutes for color, watching the whole time.
7. Meanwhile, brush the baguette slices with olive oil and toast on a sheet pan at 375F for 8-10 minutes, until crisp at the edges and still chewy in the middle.
8. Rest the dip 5 minutes before serving. It comes out of the oven hot enough to take the roof of someone's mouth off. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours.

From behind the bar: Watery spinach makes soupy dip, and no amount of extra cheese fixes it. If the towel comes away damp, you stopped squeezing too early.

You need

• 750 g / 3 cups full-fat plain yogurt
• 2 garlic cloves, crushed to a paste with a pinch of salt
• 1.5 tbsp dried mint
• 50 g / 1/2 cup walnuts, finely chopped (optional but common)
• 2 tbsp olive oil, plus more to finish
• 1 tsp pul biber
• Salt

Method

1. Line a sieve with a double layer of cheesecloth, tip in the yogurt, set it over a bowl and refrigerate 8-12 hours. You want it thick enough to stand a spoon in.
2. Crush the garlic with salt under the flat of a knife until it is a smooth paste. Chopped garlic leaves hot bites in an otherwise cool dip.
3. Rub the dried mint between your palms into the yogurt — the friction wakes it up. Fresh mint makes a different dish and not this one.
4. Beat garlic, mint, salt and half the olive oil into the strained yogurt until glossy.
5. Fold in the walnuts if using. Rest in the fridge at least 1 hour so the garlic spreads out.
6. Spread in a shallow bowl, drag the back of a spoon through it to make a channel, and pour the rest of the olive oil into it with the pul biber scattered over.
7. Serve cold, with hot bread and whatever came off the grill.

Where you'd actually eat it: On the table at every ocakbaşı in Beyoğlu and Kadıköy before you have ordered anything. Raki, and it is the plate that survives the whole night.

From behind the bar: Süzme yogurt skips the overnight drip. Never low-fat, it weeps. Some meyhanes fold in beyaz peynir — check the label for microbial rennet if that matters to you.

You need

• 12 eggs
• 3 cups malt vinegar (5% acidity)
• 1 tbsp pickling spice
• 1 tsp black peppercorns
• 2 dried chilies (optional)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 bay leaf

Method

1. Boil the eggs 10 minutes hard, cool in ice water, peel completely. One fragment of shell ruins the jar.
2. Bring vinegar, pickling spice, peppercorns, chilies, salt and bay to a boil, then cool to room temperature.
3. Pack the eggs into a sterilized jar and cover completely with the cold vinegar. Nothing sticking up above the surface.
4. Seal and refrigerate at least 7 days before eating. Two weeks is better.
5. Keep them refrigerated the entire time and eat within a month. A warm jar of under-acidified pickled eggs on a bar counter is a genuine botulism risk, whatever the tradition says.
6. Eat whole out of the jar, or crumble one into a bag of salt and vinegar crisps.

Where you'd actually eat it: The jar on the counter of an old boozer, next to the scratchings. One egg, a bag of crisps, a pint of mild. Nobody in the history of London has ordered two.

From behind the bar: Cold brine over cold eggs. Hot vinegar turns the whites rubbery and gray at the edges within a day.

You need

• 7 oz / 200 g gorgonzola dolce, rind removed (DOP gorgonzola is set with calf rennet — buy a vegetarian-rennet blue if that matters to you)
• 5 oz / 150 g mascarpone
• 1 tbsp grappa or dry white wine
• 2 tbsp walnuts, toasted and chopped
• Coarse black pepper
• Celery hearts, cut into sticks
• Grissini or crusty bread
• Mostarda di Cremona, or thin pear slices

Method

1. Take both cheeses out of the fridge an hour ahead. Cold gorgonzola will not blend, it only crumbles.
2. Scrape off the rind and mash the cheese with a fork into a coarse paste.
3. Beat in the mascarpone a spoonful at a time until it is smooth and spreadable but still streaked with blue. Do it by hand — a machine whips the mascarpone until it splits.
4. Loosen with the grappa and grind in pepper. No salt: the cheese carries plenty.
5. Pack into a bowl, cover, and chill 30 minutes to firm up. Bring it back to cool room temperature before serving.
6. Scatter the walnuts over the top and serve with celery, grissini and mostarda alongside.

Where you'd actually eat it: Salumerie and old wine bars keep a tub on the counter and hand it over with bread and celery. Bonarda, a young Barbera, or an amber vermouth if you are already three deep.

From behind the bar: Gorgonzola dolce, not piccante — the aged one fights everything else on the counter. Both cheeses at room temperature or the mixture seizes and goes grainy.