You need

• 1 1/2 cups raw cashews, boiled 15 minutes and drained
• 1 cup unsweetened plain oat milk, plus more to thin
• 1/3 cup nutritional yeast
• 1 tbsp white miso paste
• 2 poblano peppers
• 2 jalapenos, stemmed
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 4 garlic cloves, sliced
• 1 can (4 oz) diced green chiles, drained
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1/4 tsp ground turmeric (for color only)
• 1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• Pickled jalapeno slices and cilantro, to finish
• Thick tortilla chips, for dipping

Method

1. Broil the poblanos and jalapenos 4 inches under a 500F broiler for 10 to 12 minutes, turning twice, until blackened in patches. Seal in a bowl with a plate on top for 10 minutes, then rub off the skins and chop.
2. Blend the drained cashews with the oat milk, nutritional yeast, miso, lime juice, smoked paprika, cumin, turmeric and salt on high for 2 to 3 minutes, until there is no grit left at all.
3. Heat the oil in a saucepan over medium and cook the onion 8 minutes, until the edges go brown. Add the garlic and cook 1 minute more.
4. Pour in the cashew base and simmer gently 6 to 8 minutes, stirring constantly, until it thickens and coats the spoon.
5. Fold in the chopped roasted chiles and the canned green chiles. Taste for salt and lime.
6. Serve in a warm cast iron skillet, topped with pickled jalapeno and cilantro, chips on the side.

From behind the bar: Keep a mug of hot water next to the pan. Queso tightens as it cools, and a splash at a time brings it back without watering down the flavor.

You need

• 3 large globe eggplants (about 3 lb total)
• 1/3 cup tahini, well stirred
• 3 tbsp lemon juice
• 2 garlic cloves, grated fine
• 1 1/4 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/4 tsp Aleppo pepper
• 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, plus more for the top
• 2 tbsp chopped flat-leaf parsley
• 1 tbsp pomegranate molasses (read the label, some brands sweeten with honey)
• Warm pita or flatbread (read the dough label too, milk and honey both turn up)

Method

1. Set the eggplants directly on a high gas burner and char 12 to 15 minutes, turning every 3 or 4 minutes, until the skin is black all over and the eggplant collapses on itself. No gas burner: broil at 500F for 25 minutes, turning twice.
2. Move them to a colander and let them drain 20 minutes. The liquid that runs out is the bitter stuff, and you want it gone.
3. Scrape the flesh off the skins and discard every scrap of skin. Chop the flesh with a knife on a board. Do not use a food processor.
4. Whisk the tahini, lemon juice, garlic and salt in a bowl. It will seize into a paste and then loosen pale and creamy. That is the point where it is ready.
5. Fold the tahini mixture into the chopped eggplant with the cumin and olive oil. Let it sit 30 minutes for the garlic to settle down.
6. Spread in a shallow bowl, drag a spoon through it, and flood the groove with olive oil. Aleppo, parsley, a thread of pomegranate molasses. Warm bread.

From behind the bar: The 20 minutes in the colander is not optional. It is the whole difference between baba ganoush and a bowl of eggplant water.

You need

• 1 cup dried chickpeas, soaked overnight in plenty of water
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 3/4 cup tahini, well stirred
• 1/4 cup lemon juice
• 2 garlic cloves
• 1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1/4 cup ice water
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 2 tbsp harissa paste (plain jarred harissa is vegan, but the creamy blends carry yogurt, so check)
• 5 tbsp olive oil, divided
• 1 small red onion, sliced thin
• 1/3 cup red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 cup pine nuts, toasted
• 1/4 cup chopped parsley
• 1 tsp sumac and a pinch of Aleppo pepper
• 1/3 cup pitted green olives, torn
• Warm flatbread (check the dough for milk and honey)

Method

1. Drain the soaked chickpeas, cover with fresh water by 3 inches, add the baking soda and boil 45 to 60 minutes, skimming the foam, until a chickpea smashes to nothing between two fingers and the skins are floating loose.
2. Pull out 1/2 cup of chickpeas for the topping. Toss those with 1 tbsp olive oil and the cumin and roast at 425F for 20 minutes, until they rattle in the pan.
3. While the rest are still hot, blend them with the garlic, lemon juice and salt for 1 minute. Add the tahini, then stream in the ice water with the motor running and let it go 3 to 4 minutes, until it turns pale and holds soft peaks.
4. Cover the sliced onion with the vinegar, sugar and a big pinch of salt and leave it 20 minutes, until it goes pink and loses its temper.
5. Stir the harissa into 3 tbsp olive oil to make a loose, staining oil.
6. Spread the hummus wide and shallow with the back of a spoon, building a wall and a well. Flood the well with harissa oil, then pile on the roasted chickpeas, pickled onion, pine nuts, olives, parsley, sumac and Aleppo. Serve with hot flatbread.

From behind the bar: Blend the chickpeas hot, straight out of the pot. Cold chickpeas give you sandy hummus and no amount of extra tahini fixes it later.

You need

• 1 cup raw cashews, boiled 15 minutes and drained
• 3/4 cup unsweetened oat milk
• 3 tbsp nutritional yeast
• 1 tbsp white miso paste
• 2 tsp lemon juice
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1/4 tsp white pepper
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 2 cans (14 oz each) artichoke hearts in water, drained, squeezed dry and roughly chopped
• 10 oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed
• 1 shallot, minced
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tbsp vegan butter
• 1/4 cup vegan mozzarella shreds
• 1/4 cup panko breadcrumbs (some brands contain milk, check)
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• Toasted sourdough or thick tortilla chips, for dipping

Method

1. Blend the drained cashews with the oat milk, nutritional yeast, miso, lemon juice, Dijon, onion powder, white pepper and salt for 2 minutes on high, until completely smooth.
2. Wring the thawed spinach out in a clean kitchen towel over the sink. Twist until nothing more comes out, then pull the compressed puck apart with your fingers.
3. Melt the vegan butter in a skillet over medium and sweat the shallot 3 minutes, then the garlic 1 minute more, without letting either color.
4. Combine the cashew base, spinach, artichokes and the shallot mixture in a bowl. Taste and salt hard, artichokes soak it up.
5. Spread into an 8-inch cast iron pan or baking dish. Scatter the vegan mozzarella over the top, then the panko tossed with the olive oil.
6. Bake at 400F for 22 to 25 minutes, until the edges bubble and the top is golden. Broil 90 seconds if you want more color. Rest 5 minutes before anyone gets a spoon in it.

From behind the bar: Wring the spinach until the towel comes away nearly dry. Wet spinach is the single reason most versions of this end up as a puddle with a crust on it.

You need

• 1 1/2 cups neutral oil (grapeseed or avocado)
• 4 guajillo chiles, stemmed, seeded and torn into pieces
• 3 ancho chiles, stemmed, seeded and torn
• 6 to 8 chiles de arbol, stemmed (this is the heat dial)
• 1/2 cup roasted unsalted peanuts
• 1/4 cup raw pepitas
• 1/4 cup raw sesame seeds
• 8 garlic cloves, sliced
• 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 2 tsp kosher salt
• 1 tsp maple syrup (not honey)
• Warm tortilla chips, for dipping

Method

1. Heat the oil in a small saucepan to 275F on a thermometer. Guessing here is how people ruin this.
2. Fry the sliced garlic 2 to 3 minutes until pale gold, then lift it out with a slotted spoon onto paper towel. Fry the peanuts and pepitas 1 to 2 minutes and pull them out the same way.
3. Kill the heat and let the oil drop to about 250F. Add all the torn chiles and stir for 30 to 45 seconds only, then get them out. They go from fragrant to burnt with no warning in between.
4. Toast the sesame seeds dry in a skillet over medium for 2 minutes, shaking constantly, until they smell nutty.
5. Pulse the chiles, peanuts, pepitas, garlic, sesame and salt in a food processor to a coarse rubble. Stop well before it becomes a paste.
6. Stir the rubble back into the oil with the vinegar and maple syrup. Cool completely, uncovered.
7. Give it 24 hours in the fridge before serving. It keeps a month as long as the solids stay under the oil.

From behind the bar: Count the 30 seconds on the chiles out loud. Burnt salsa macha cannot be rescued or diluted, and you will taste it in every spoonful for a month.

You need

• 24 Medjool dates, pitted
• 12 slices thin-cut bacon, halved crosswise (24 pieces)
• 3 oz Manchego, cut into 24 small batons, or 3 oz blue cheese
• 24 whole almonds, toasted (optional, in place of cheese)
• 1 tsp black pepper, coarse
• 2 tsp honey, for finishing
• 24 toothpicks, soaked in water 10 minutes

Method

1. Heat the oven to 400F (205C). Line a sheet pan with foil and set a wire rack inside it. The rack matters — it keeps the dates out of the rendered fat so the bacon crisps instead of stews.
2. Slit each date lengthwise without cutting through. Tuck in a baton of Manchego, a pinch of blue cheese, or a toasted almond. Press the date closed around it.
3. Wrap each date with a half slice of bacon, overlapping slightly, and pin it shut with a soaked toothpick. Set them seam-side down on the rack with a little space between.
4. Grind black pepper over the tops. Bake 20 to 25 minutes, turning once at the halfway mark, until the bacon is browned and firm all over with no translucent fat left.
5. Rest 5 minutes on the rack. The filling comes out of the oven hot enough to hurt and needs the time to settle.
6. Drizzle with honey and serve warm. Put out a bowl for the used toothpicks or you will find them with your feet later.

From behind the bar: Thin-cut bacon only. Thick-cut needs longer than the date can survive, and you end up with a scorched fruit wrapped in underdone pork.

You need

• 2 x 14 oz cans young green jackfruit in brine or water (not syrup), drained and rinsed
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• 1 small yellow onion, diced
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tbsp smoked paprika
• 2 tsp ancho chile powder
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 cup ketchup
• 1/2 cup vegetable stock (not chicken)
• 2 tbsp molasses
• 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 1 tbsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tbsp vegan Worcestershire sauce (standard Worcestershire contains anchovy — read the label)
• 1 tsp liquid smoke
• 1 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
• 2 cups green cabbage, shredded fine
• 1/4 small red onion, sliced paper-thin
• 3 tbsp vegan mayo
• 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar (for the slaw)
• 12 vegan slider buns (check for milk, butter, egg wash, and honey — potato and brioche buns usually have at least two)
• 2 tbsp vegan butter, melted, for toasting
• Dill pickle chips, to serve

Method

1. Drain and rinse the jackfruit. Cut the hard core wedge off each piece and shred the rest between your fingers into strands. Squeeze out the excess liquid in a clean towel — wet jackfruit will never crisp.
2. Heat the oil in a wide skillet over medium-high. Cook the onion 5 minutes until it starts to color, add the garlic, smoked paprika, ancho, cumin, and black pepper, and toast 45 seconds until it smells like a barbecue pit.
3. Add the jackfruit, ketchup, vegetable stock, molasses, cider vinegar, Dijon, vegan Worcestershire, liquid smoke, and salt. Simmer uncovered over medium-low for 25 minutes, breaking the strands apart with a wooden spoon, until the sauce clings and nothing pools in the pan.
4. Spread the mixture on a parchment-lined sheet pan and roast at 425F for 12 to 15 minutes, until the edges darken and go chewy. This step is what separates it from wet canned mush.
5. Toss the cabbage and red onion with the vegan mayo, cider vinegar, and 1/4 tsp salt. Let it sit 10 minutes, then drain off anything that weeps out.
6. Brush the cut buns with the melted vegan butter and toast face-down in a dry skillet for 60 to 90 seconds until golden.
7. Pile the jackfruit on the bottom buns, top with slaw and two pickle chips, and serve immediately while the bun is still warm.

From behind the bar: Buy jackfruit packed in brine or water, never syrup. Syrup-packed fruit is ripe and sweet, and no amount of smoke will drag it back.

You need

• 1.5 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1-inch strips
• 1 cup full-fat coconut milk, divided
• 2 tsp ground turmeric
• 2 tsp ground coriander
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp brown sugar
• 3 garlic cloves, grated
• 1 tbsp fresh ginger, grated
• 1/2 cup natural peanut butter, unsweetened
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp lime juice, plus wedges to serve
• 1 tsp chili garlic sauce, or to taste
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• 16 bamboo skewers, soaked in water 30 minutes

Method

1. Whisk 1/2 cup coconut milk with the turmeric, coriander, fish sauce, brown sugar, garlic, and ginger. Add the chicken strips, turn to coat, cover, and refrigerate at least 2 hours and up to overnight. The 45 minutes below is hands-on time — plan the marinade around your evening, not the other way around.
2. Make the sauce with the reserved half of the coconut milk, which never touched raw chicken: warm it in a small pan over low heat, then whisk in the peanut butter, soy sauce, lime juice, and chili garlic sauce until smooth. Thin with water a tablespoon at a time to a pourable consistency. Take it off the heat and leave it alone.
3. Thread the chicken onto the soaked skewers in a loose S, one or two strips each. Do not bunch it tight or the center will not cook before the edges burn. Discard the used marinade.
4. Heat a grill or grill pan to medium-high, around 425F (220C). Oil the grates with the neutral oil. Cook the skewers 3 to 4 minutes per side, turning once, until well marked.
5. Check with an instant-read thermometer in the thickest piece. Chicken is done at 165F (74C) and not a degree before. Pull anything that reads short and give it another minute.
6. Rest 3 minutes, then serve with the peanut sauce, lime wedges, and cucumber if you have it.

From behind the bar: Cover the exposed skewer ends with a strip of foil on the grill. Soaked bamboo still chars, and a skewer that snaps mid-handoff drops your dinner in the coals.

You need

• 1 cup raw cashews, soaked in boiling water 15 minutes and drained
• 3/4 cup water
• 1/4 cup nutritional yeast
• 1 tbsp cornstarch
• 2 tsp lime juice
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 chipotle pepper in adobo, plus 1 tsp of the adobo
• 2 tbsp pickled jalapeno brine
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 x 15 oz can black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp dried oregano
• 1 garlic clove, grated
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt (for the beans)
• 10 oz thick restaurant-style salted corn tortilla chips (check the bag for milk powder, whey, or cheese powder)
• 1 ripe avocado
• 2 tbsp vegan mayo
• 1 tbsp lime juice (for the crema)
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt (for the crema)
• 1 cup pico de gallo or chunky salsa, drained
• 1/2 cup pickled jalapeno slices
• 1/2 cup quick-pickled red onion
• 3 scallions, sliced
• Handful of cilantro leaves
• Flaky salt

Method

1. Blend the soaked cashews, water, nutritional yeast, cornstarch, lime juice, 1 tsp salt, garlic powder, smoked paprika, chipotle with adobo, and jalapeno brine on high for a full 90 seconds until completely smooth.
2. Pour the queso into a small saucepan over medium heat and whisk constantly for 3 to 4 minutes. It will thin, then suddenly thicken to a pourable sauce. Pull it off the heat right then and keep it warm.
3. Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium, add the beans, cumin, oregano, garlic, and 1/2 tsp salt, and cook 4 minutes, mashing about a third of them so the rest have something to stick to.
4. Blend or mash the avocado with the vegan mayo, lime juice, and 1/4 tsp salt until it is a loose crema you can drizzle.
5. Spread half the chips on a sheet pan, spoon over half the beans and half the queso, then repeat with the remaining chips, beans, and queso. Layering twice is the whole point.
6. Bake at 400F for 6 to 8 minutes, just until the edges of the chips darken and the queso sets slightly. Any longer and the chips go bitter.
7. Finish off the heat with pico, pickled jalapenos, pickled red onion, scallions, cilantro, drizzles of avocado crema, and flaky salt. Serve on the pan and let people fight over it.

From behind the bar: The cornstarch is not optional. Without it the cashew sauce breaks into grit the second it hits the oven and you get nacho soup.

You need

• 1.5 lb large shrimp (16/20 count), peeled and deveined, tails on
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• Zest and juice of 1 lemon
• 2 tbsp flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 2 tbsp cold butter, cubed
• 12 bamboo skewers, soaked 30 minutes, or metal skewers — they get used in parallel pairs, two per row

Method

1. Pat the shrimp completely dry with paper towels. Wet shrimp steam instead of searing and never take on color.
2. Combine the garlic, olive oil, smoked paprika, cayenne, salt, pepper, and lemon zest in a bowl. Add the shrimp and toss. Marinate 15 to 20 minutes and no longer — past that the salt starts curing them firm. The lemon juice goes on at the end for the same reason.
3. Thread 4 to 5 shrimp per row, running the skewer through both the tail end and the thick end so each one lies flat. A pound and a half gives you about six loaded rows. Flat shrimp cook evenly and flip as a unit.
4. Heat a grill or heavy skillet to medium-high, around 450F (230C). Oil the grates or the pan. Cook 2 minutes per side, undisturbed, until the outside is pink and the flesh is opaque all the way through.
5. Confirm doneness at 145F (63C) on an instant-read thermometer, or by shape: a shrimp curled into a loose C is done, a tight O is overcooked.
6. Off the heat, toss the hot skewers with the cold butter, lemon juice, and parsley on a warm platter. Serve immediately with bread to mop the plate.

From behind the bar: Two parallel skewers per row of shrimp stops them spinning when you turn them. One skewer means every shrimp rotates and you fight the whole batch.

You need

• 1 lb cremini mushrooms, sliced 1/4 inch
• 8 oz king oyster mushrooms, sliced lengthwise then crosswise
• 3 tbsp neutral oil, divided
• 1 tbsp vegan butter
• 1 large yellow onion, sliced thin
• 1 green bell pepper, sliced thin
• 2 tsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp vegan Worcestershire sauce (standard Worcestershire contains anchovy)
• 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
• 6 slices vegan provolone-style cheese, halved (check for casein — plenty of dairy-free slices still carry it)
• 1/3 cup vegan mayo
• 1 garlic clove, grated
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 12 vegan slider rolls (check for milk, butter, egg wash, and honey)
• Pickled hot cherry peppers, chopped, to serve

Method

1. Heat 2 tbsp oil in a large cast-iron skillet over high until it shimmers. Add the mushrooms in a single layer, in two batches if you have to, and do not touch them for 5 minutes. Crowding the pan steams them and you lose the browning.
2. Toss once and cook another 4 minutes until deeply browned at the edges. Season with the 1/2 tsp salt and the black pepper and tip them into a bowl.
3. Add the remaining 1 tbsp oil and the vegan butter to the same pan, drop the heat to medium, and cook the onion and bell pepper 10 to 12 minutes until soft and sweet with brown edges.
4. Return the mushrooms to the pan, add the soy sauce and vegan Worcestershire, and chop everything together in the pan with the edge of two spatulas for a minute until it reads as a filling and not as sliced vegetables.
5. Flatten the mixture into an even layer, lay the halved vegan provolone over the top, cover the pan, and let it sit off the heat for 2 minutes until the cheese slumps.
6. Stir the vegan mayo with the grated garlic and lemon juice. Split the rolls and toast them cut-side down in a dry pan for 60 seconds.
7. Spread the garlic mayo on both cut sides, scoop the filling in with a spatula so the cheese stays draped over it, and top with chopped cherry peppers. Serve hot — this one does not wait.

From behind the bar: King oyster stems shredded lengthwise give you the fibrous pull that creminis alone cannot. Use both or the filling reads as a mushroom side dish.

You need

• 1 lb halloumi, cut into 1-inch cubes
• 1 medium zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch half-moons
• 16 cherry tomatoes
• 1 red onion, cut into 1-inch wedges
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp dried oregano
• 2 garlic cloves, grated
• Zest and juice of 1 lemon
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/4 tsp black pepper
• 2 tbsp honey, for finishing
• 8 bamboo skewers, soaked 30 minutes

Method

1. Drain the halloumi and pat it dry. It comes packed in brine and does not need salt — everything else in the marinade is doing that job.
2. Whisk the olive oil, oregano, garlic, lemon zest, red pepper flakes, and black pepper. Toss the halloumi, zucchini, tomatoes, and onion in it. Let it sit 15 minutes.
3. Thread the skewers alternating cheese and vegetables, ending with a firm piece so nothing slides off. Leave a small gap between items so the heat gets around them.
4. Heat a grill or grill pan to medium, around 400F (205C), and oil the grates well. Halloumi sticks to anything it is given the chance to stick to.
5. Grill 2 to 3 minutes per side, four sides total, about 10 minutes. You are looking for deep grill marks, softened cheese, and onion that has lost its raw bite. Halloumi holds its shape by design — if the outside is blackening before the marks set, drop the heat.
6. Hit them with lemon juice and a drizzle of honey off the heat. Serve hot. Halloumi turns to a squeaky brick once it cools, so time this to the table, not the other way around.

From behind the bar: Cut everything to the same 1-inch scale. Mismatched sizes mean the tomatoes collapse while the onion is still raw and nobody is happy.

You need

• 2 lb baby Yukon Gold potatoes, all roughly the same size
• 2 tbsp kosher salt, for the cooking water
• 1/3 cup olive oil
• 1 tsp kosher salt, for the potatoes
• 3/4 cup raw cashews, soaked in boiling water 15 minutes and drained
• 1/2 cup water
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• 1 tsp apple cider vinegar
• 3/4 tsp kosher salt (for the crema)
• 3 tbsp vegan chili crisp (many jars carry dried shrimp — read the label)
• 4 scallions, sliced thin on the bias
• 1/4 cup crispy fried shallots
• 2 tbsp chopped dill or cilantro
• Flaky sea salt
• 1 lemon, cut in wedges

Method

1. Put the potatoes in a large pot, cover with cold water, add the 2 tbsp salt, and boil 18 to 20 minutes until a knife slides in with zero resistance. Underdone potatoes will not smash, they will crumble.
2. Drain them and let them sit in the colander for 5 minutes to steam dry. Dry surfaces are the difference between crisp and leathery.
3. Space the potatoes on an oiled sheet pan and press each one to about 1/2 inch thick with the bottom of a glass or a measuring cup. Ragged edges are what get crunchy, so do not aim for neat.
4. Pour the olive oil over, turning each potato to coat both sides, and season with the 1 tsp salt. Roast at 450F for 20 minutes, flip, and roast another 12 to 15 minutes until the edges are dark gold.
5. While they roast, blend the cashews, water, lemon juice, cider vinegar, and 3/4 tsp salt for 60 seconds until it is a smooth, thick, sour crema. Thin with a tablespoon of water if it will not spoon.
6. Pile the hot potatoes on a warm platter, spoon the cashew crema over in irregular pools, then spoon the chili crisp on top so the oil runs into the crema.
7. Scatter the scallions, fried shallots, and herbs, hit it with flaky salt, and serve with lemon wedges. Eat within about four minutes of it leaving the oven.

From behind the bar: Salt the boiling water like pasta water. Potatoes seasoned only on the outside taste hollow no matter how much chili crisp you pile on.

You need

• 2 x 14 oz blocks extra-firm tofu, pressed 30 minutes
• 1/3 cup cornstarch
• 2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1 1/4 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• Neutral oil, for shallow frying
• 1 cup ketchup
• 1/4 cup pure maple syrup (not honey)
• 3 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 2 tbsp vegan Worcestershire sauce (standard Worcestershire contains anchovy)
• 2 tbsp bourbon (optional)
• 1 tbsp yellow mustard
• 2 tsp smoked paprika (for the sauce)
• 1 tsp liquid smoke
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 2 cups shredded green and red cabbage
• 1/4 cup vegan mayo
• 1 tbsp cider vinegar (for the slaw)
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt (for the slaw)
• 12 vegan slider buns (check for milk, butter, egg wash, and honey)
• Sliced dill pickles, to serve

Method

1. Cut the pressed tofu into 24 slabs about 1/2 inch thick and blot them dry. Freeze and fully thaw them first if you have the time — it opens the texture up and it is the single biggest upgrade here.
2. Whisk the cornstarch, 2 tsp smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and black pepper in a shallow dish. Press each slab into the mixture on all sides and shake off the excess.
3. Simmer the ketchup, maple syrup, cider vinegar, vegan Worcestershire, bourbon, mustard, 2 tsp smoked paprika, liquid smoke, and cayenne in a small saucepan over medium-low for 12 minutes, stirring, until it coats the back of a spoon.
4. Toss the cabbage with the vegan mayo, cider vinegar, sugar, and 1/4 tsp salt. Refrigerate until you need it.
5. Heat 1/2 inch of oil in a heavy skillet to 350F. Fry the tofu in batches for 3 minutes a side until the crust is genuinely golden and rigid, then drain on a rack, not on paper, so the bottoms stay crisp.
6. Toss the hot tofu in about two-thirds of the barbecue sauce in a wide bowl, working fast so the crust soaks but does not surrender.
7. Toast the buns cut-side down in a dry pan for a minute. Build with two tofu slabs, a spoon of the reserved sauce, pickles, and a pinch of slaw, and get them to the table hot.

From behind the bar: Sauce the tofu to order, not in advance. Battered tofu sitting in barbecue sauce goes soft in about six minutes and there is no bringing it back.

You need

• 1 lb ground beef, 80/20
• 1/2 lb ground pork
• 3/4 cup panko breadcrumbs
• 1/3 cup whole milk
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1/4 cup flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 1.5 tsp kosher salt
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1 cup tomato passata or marinara
• 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 24 short bamboo skewers or cocktail picks

Method

1. Heat the oven to 400F (205C). Soak the panko in the milk for 5 minutes until it is a paste. This is the panade — skip it and you get golf balls.
2. Add the beef, pork, egg, Parmesan, garlic, parsley, salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes to the soaked panko. Mix with your hands until just combined and stop. Overworking the mix packs the protein tight and the meatballs turn rubbery.
3. Roll into 24 balls of about 1.25 inches, roughly 1.3 oz each — a rounded tablespoon and a half. Wet hands keep the mix from sticking. Arrange on a foil-lined sheet pan fitted with a wire rack, spaced apart.
4. Bake 15 to 18 minutes, until browned and firm. Check the center of two or three with an instant-read thermometer — ground beef and pork are safe at 160F (71C). Anything under goes back in for 3 minutes and gets checked again.
5. Warm the passata with the balsamic in a wide pan over low heat. Roll the cooked meatballs through it to coat lightly. You want a glaze, not a swamp.
6. Skewer each one through the center, stand them on a platter, and serve warm with napkins nobody will use.

From behind the bar: Fry one teaspoon of the raw mix in a skillet and taste it before rolling the batch. Seasoning a pound and a half of meat blind is how you end up with 24 bland disappointments.

You need

• 9 oz block vegetarian halloumi (microbial rennet), cut into 1/2 in x 3 in batons
• 3 tbsp cornstarch
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/4 tsp coarse black pepper
• Neutral oil for frying, about 4 cups, enough for 1 1/2 in in a heavy pot
• 1/3 cup honey
• 1 tbsp cayenne hot sauce (Frank's RedHot or similar, no Worcestershire in the label)
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1 tsp cider vinegar
• Flaky salt and 2 tbsp torn mint, to finish

Method

1. Press the halloumi batons between paper towels for 10 minutes. Wet cheese does not brown and it spits.
2. Whisk the cornstarch, flour, paprika and pepper. Toss the batons to coat and tap off the excess. No salt in the dredge, the cheese brings plenty.
3. Heat 1 1/2 in of oil in a heavy pot to 350F.
4. Warm the honey, hot sauce, pepper flakes, butter and vinegar in a small pan over low heat for 2 to 3 minutes until pourable, then kill the heat.
5. Fry in two batches, 2 to 3 minutes, turning once, until deep gold and blistered. Do not crowd the pot. If the oil drops under 325F the cheese goes rubbery instead of crisp.
6. Drain 30 seconds on a wire rack, never on paper. Paper steams the crust off.
7. Pile onto a warm plate, pour the hot honey over, finish with flaky salt and mint. Eat inside five minutes, after that it turns back into a squeaky brick.

From behind the bar: Halloumi will not brown while it is damp. Ten minutes under paper towels is the difference between golden fries and a pot of angry oil.

You need

• 8 oz elbow macaroni (egg-free dried pasta)
• 4 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour, plus 1 cup for dredging
• 2 cups whole milk, warmed
• 8 oz sharp vegetarian cheddar (microbial rennet), grated
• 4 oz vegetarian Gruyere-style cheese (microbial rennet), grated
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 large eggs, beaten
• 2 cups panko
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 2 quarts for 3 in depth

Method

1. Boil the macaroni in well-salted water 2 minutes short of the package time, about 5 minutes. Drain and do not rinse.
2. Melt the butter over medium heat, whisk in the 1/4 cup flour and cook 2 minutes until it smells like biscuits. Add the warm milk in three stages, whisking, then simmer 5 minutes until it coats a spoon.
3. Off the heat, stir in both cheeses, the Dijon, cayenne, onion powder and salt until smooth. Fold in the pasta. The mix should be too thick to pour.
4. Press into a parchment-lined 9x13 pan about 1 in deep, cover and refrigerate at least 3 hours, better overnight. Skip this and it disintegrates in the fryer.
5. Cut into 1 1/2 in squares. Dredge in flour, then egg, then panko. Freeze the breaded cubes 20 minutes.
6. Heat 3 in of oil to 360F. Fry 4 or 5 at a time for 2 to 2 1/2 minutes until deep gold, keeping the oil above 340F between batches.
7. Drain on a rack and salt straight away. Tell people they are lava for the first three minutes. Some of them will listen.

From behind the bar: Freeze the breaded cubes 20 minutes before frying. Cold center, hot oil, and the crust sets before the cheese blows out the seams.

You need

• 14 oz paneer (acid-set, no rennet), cut into 1 in cubes
• 3/4 cup full-fat plain Greek yogurt (gelatin-free)
• 2 tbsp heavy cream
• 1 tbsp ginger-garlic paste
• 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
• 2 tsp Kashmiri chili powder
• 1 tsp garam masala
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp ground turmeric
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1 tbsp chickpea flour (besan)
• 1 red onion, cut into petals
• 1 green bell pepper, cut into 1 in squares
• 3 tbsp melted ghee or unsalted butter, for basting
• Chaat masala, cilantro and lemon wedges, to finish

Method

1. Toast the besan in a dry pan over medium heat for 2 minutes until it smells nutty. Raw besan tastes like chalk and ruins the marinade.
2. Whisk the yogurt, cream, ginger-garlic paste, lemon juice, all the ground spices, salt and toasted besan. It should coat a spoon thickly.
3. Fold in the paneer, onion and pepper. Rest 30 minutes at room temperature, or up to 4 hours refrigerated. Longer than that and the acid turns the cheese tough.
4. Thread onto skewers, alternating cheese and vegetables, leaving small gaps so the heat can get in and char the sides.
5. Heat the broiler to high. Broil on the top rack about 6 in from the element, or grill over high direct heat, 4 minutes a side, until the edges blacken in patches.
6. Baste with the melted ghee in the last minute and push it one shade darker than feels sensible. The black spots are the whole point.
7. Rest 2 minutes, then hit with chaat masala, torn cilantro and a hard squeeze of lemon.

From behind the bar: Paneer does not melt, so it does not forgive either. Pull it at 8 minutes total. Past that it goes from custardy to squeaky and no marinade saves it.

You need

• 1 whole 8 oz vegetarian camembert (microbial rennet), fridge cold
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 large eggs, beaten with 1 tbsp water
• 1 1/2 cups panko
• 1/2 tsp black pepper and 1/2 tsp dried thyme, mixed into the panko
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 2 quarts for 3 in depth
• 1/3 cup sour cherry or cranberry preserves (pectin-set, gelatin-free)
• 1 tsp red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp cracked black pepper
• Grilled sourdough, for dipping

Method

1. Leave the wheel in the fridge until the oil is at temperature. A room-temperature camembert bursts in the pot.
2. Flour the whole wheel, dip in egg, press into the seasoned panko. Then egg and panko a second time. The double coat is the only thing holding this together.
3. Freeze the breaded wheel 20 minutes on a plate.
4. Heat 3 in of oil to 340F. Lower than you would normally fry, so the crust sets while the inside melts instead of scorching first.
5. Fry 3 to 4 minutes, turning once, until evenly deep gold. Lift out with a spider and rest on a rack for 2 minutes.
6. Warm the preserves with the vinegar and cracked pepper in a small pan over low heat for 2 minutes until pourable.
7. Cut a cross in the top at the table and let it slump. Bread goes in immediately. It firms up again in about ten minutes and the moment is gone.

From behind the bar: Any crack in the breading is a blowout waiting to happen. Patch bare spots with more egg and panko before it goes anywhere near the oil.

You need

• 1 large ciabatta or soft Italian loaf, split lengthwise
• 12 garlic cloves, peeled
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 6 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 8 oz low-moisture vegetarian mozzarella (microbial rennet), grated
• 2 oz vegetarian Italian-style hard cheese (microbial rennet), grated
• 2 tbsp chopped flat-leaf parsley
• 1 tsp lemon zest
• Flaky salt, to finish

Method

1. Simmer the garlic in the olive oil in a small pan over low heat for 20 minutes until soft and pale gold. Do not let it brown or the whole thing turns bitter.
2. Mash 8 of the confit cloves with the butter, salt, pepper flakes and 2 tbsp of the garlic oil into a paste. Slice the remaining 4 cloves thin.
3. Heat the oven to 425F. Spread the paste right out to the edges of both cut faces. The edges are the part people fight over.
4. Cover with the mozzarella and hard cheese, then scatter the sliced garlic on top.
5. Bake on a sheet pan for 12 to 14 minutes until the cheese is molten and bubbling at the rim.
6. Broil 60 to 90 seconds for the brown spots. Stand there and watch it. It goes from bronze to charcoal in about fifteen seconds.
7. Out of the oven, finish with parsley, lemon zest and flaky salt. Cut into fingers with a serrated knife so the cheese stays where you put it.

From behind the bar: Keep the leftover garlic oil. It holds two weeks in the fridge and turns the next batch into a ten-minute job.

You need

• 4 cups cooked long-grain white rice, cooled fast and refrigerated overnight (never rice left out on the counter)
• 3 tbsp peanut or canola oil
• 3 large eggs, beaten with a pinch of salt
• 4 oz char siu, ham, or thick-cut bacon, cut into 1/4-inch dice
• 4 scallions, sliced, whites and greens kept separate
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup frozen peas and diced carrots, thawed and patted dry
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp toasted sesame oil
• 3/4 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp ground white pepper

Method

1. Use rice that went into the refrigerator within an hour of cooking and has stayed there. Cooked rice held at room temperature overnight grows Bacillus cereus, and reheating does not fix it. Throw that rice out.
2. Break the cold rice apart with wet hands until there are no clumps. Do this before the pan gets hot; you will not have time later.
3. Heat a wok or 12-inch carbon steel skillet over high heat until a drop of water vanishes on contact. Add 1 tbsp oil, pour in the eggs, scramble to just-set in about 30 seconds, and scrape them out onto a plate.
4. Add another 1 tbsp oil and the diced meat. Char siu or ham needs 2 minutes to crisp at the edges. Raw bacon needs 4 to 5 minutes, until fully cooked and browned through.
5. Add the garlic and scallion whites. Stir 30 seconds, no longer, or the garlic turns bitter.
6. Add the last 1 tbsp oil and all the rice. Press it flat against the pan for 20 seconds, then toss. Repeat for 3 to 4 minutes until the grains are steaming hot through and start jumping in the pan.
7. Add the peas and carrots and the salt and white pepper. Toss 1 minute. Pour the soy sauce down the hot side of the wok, not onto the rice, and fold it through immediately.
8. Kill the heat. Fold in the egg, the scallion greens, and the sesame oil. Serve straight out of the pan.

From behind the bar: Soy sauce hits the hot metal, not the rice. On the pan it caramelizes in a second; on the rice it just makes everything wet and gray.

You need

• 12 large eggs
• 1/3 cup mayonnaise
• 2 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tbsp dill pickle brine
• 1 tsp hot sauce (check the label, a few brands carry anchovy)
• 1/2 tsp fine salt
• 2 medium shallots, sliced paper-thin
• 1 cup neutral oil, for frying the shallots
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 2 tbsp chopped chives
• Flaky salt, to finish

Method

1. Set the eggs in one layer in a wide pot with 1 inch of water. Cover, bring to a hard boil, then steam 11 minutes.
2. Move them straight to an ice bath for 5 minutes. Peel under a thin stream of cold water, halve lengthwise, drop the yolks into a bowl.
3. Start the shallots in cold oil in a small pan over medium. They will sizzle, then quiet down. Fry 10 to 12 minutes, holding around 300F, until pale gold. Pull them early, they darken off heat. Drain on paper, salt.
4. Mash the yolks with the mayo, Dijon, pickle brine, hot sauce and fine salt. Push the mix through a fine sieve with a spatula. This is the step people skip and it is the step that matters.
5. Scrape the filling into a zip bag, cut a half-inch off one corner, pipe it into the whites in one confident spiral each.
6. Chill 20 minutes. Dust with smoked paprika, then pile on the shallots and chives right before they leave the kitchen.

From behind the bar: Steam the eggs instead of boiling them. Eleven minutes in a covered pot with an inch of water peels clean even on fresh eggs, and the yolks stay yellow.

You need

• 1 lb low-moisture whole-milk mozzarella, in a block
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 large eggs beaten with 2 tbsp water
• 2 cups panko or fine dry breadcrumbs
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying
• 1 cup marinara, warmed, for dipping

Method

1. Cut the mozzarella block into sticks roughly 3 inches long and 1/2 inch thick. You should get about 16.
2. Set up three dishes: flour, egg wash, and breadcrumbs mixed with the garlic powder, oregano, and salt.
3. Coat each stick in flour, then egg, then crumbs. Then egg and crumbs a second time. The double coat is what holds the cheese in.
4. Lay the sticks on a parchment-lined sheet and freeze at least 2 hours, or overnight. They must be frozen solid.
5. Heat the oil to 375F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a clip-on thermometer. Do not guess the temperature, and keep a lid within reach in case of a flare-up.
6. Fry 4 or 5 frozen sticks at a time for 45 to 60 seconds, until deep golden. Lower them in with a spider, away from you. Crowding the pot drops the oil temperature and ruins the batch.
7. Lift onto a wire rack, salt lightly, and let the oil climb back to 375F before the next batch.
8. Rest 2 minutes before serving. The cheese comes out molten and it will take the roof off someone's mouth.

From behind the bar: Fry from frozen at 375F, not lower. Under 350F the breading drinks oil and the cheese ruptures before the crust ever sets.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and sliced 1/8 inch thick
• 1 large yellow onion, sliced thin
• 2 cups olive oil
• 8 large eggs
• 2 1/2 tsp fine salt, divided
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1 garlic clove, grated
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• Flaky salt and black pepper

Method

1. Warm the olive oil in a 10-inch nonstick pan to 250 to 275F. It should barely move.
2. Slide in the potatoes and onion with 1 1/2 tsp salt. Cook 22 to 25 minutes, turning gently, until a slice crushes against the pan with no resistance. No browning. Drain in a colander and save the oil.
3. Beat the eggs with the remaining 1 tsp salt. Fold in the warm potatoes and let the whole thing sit 10 minutes so the egg soaks in.
4. Wipe the pan, heat 2 tbsp of the reserved oil over medium. Add the mixture, flatten the top, and cook 4 to 5 minutes, pulling the edges in with a spatula until the sides are set and the center still moves.
5. Cover with a plate wider than the pan, flip, and slide it back in raw side down. Tuck the edge under with the spatula. Cook 3 to 4 minutes more. The middle should be barely set, custardy, jugosa.
6. Rest 10 minutes on a rack. Stir the mayonnaise with garlic and lemon for the allioli. Cut into wedges and serve warm or at room temperature with the allioli and flaky salt.

From behind the bar: Flip with a plate wider than the pan, over the sink, in one motion. Hesitating is what causes the mess, not speed.

You need

• 1 jar (16 oz) dill pickle chips, drained, about 2 cups
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 large egg
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup fine cornmeal
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying
• Ranch or comeback sauce, for dipping

Method

1. Spread the drained pickle chips in a single layer on paper towels, cover with more towels, and leave them 20 minutes. Press down and blot again. Wet pickles will not hold breading, and wet pickles spit in hot oil.
2. Whisk the buttermilk and egg in one bowl. Combine the flour, cornmeal, paprika, cayenne, garlic powder, pepper, and salt in another.
3. Heat the oil to 375F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a thermometer clipped to the rim.
4. Working with a handful at a time, dip the chips in the buttermilk, let the excess run off, then press them firmly into the dry mix.
5. Fry in batches of 10 to 12 for 2 to 3 minutes, until deep golden and crackling. Lower them in gently and do not crowd the pot.
6. Lift onto a wire rack, salt while still glistening, and let the oil return to 375F between batches.
7. Serve immediately with ranch. These have a shelf life of about four minutes.

From behind the bar: Stir 2 tbsp of the pickle brine into your ranch. Costs nothing, cuts the mayo, and makes the dip taste like it was made on purpose.

You need

• 8 oz halloumi made with microbial rennet, cut into 4 slabs 1/2 inch thick
• 1/2 red onion, sliced paper-thin
• 1/2 cup red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/3 cup chili jam or sweet chili relish, fish-sauce and shrimp-paste free (read the label, most Thai-style brands are not)
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1 tsp lemon zest
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
• Neutral oil for shallow frying, about 1 cup
• 4 slider buns
• 2 tbsp butter, softened
• 1 cup shredded iceberg lettuce

Method

1. Soak the halloumi slabs in cold water for 20 minutes, then dry them hard between towels. Wet halloumi steams instead of browning.
2. Pack the red onion into a jar with the vinegar, sugar and salt. Leave it 20 minutes, shaking once. It will go pink and lose its bite.
3. Stir the mayonnaise with the lemon zest. Butter the cut sides of the buns and toast them face down in a dry skillet over medium for 90 seconds, until the edges go brown.
4. Dredge the dried halloumi in cornstarch and press off the excess. Heat 1/4 inch of neutral oil to 350F.
5. Fry the slabs 2 minutes per side until blistered and deep gold. Move straight to a rack, not paper, so the crust holds.
6. Build bottom up: lemon mayo, iceberg, halloumi, a heavy spoon of chili jam, drained pickled onion. Lid on, eat immediately. Halloumi turns to rubber as it cools.

From behind the bar: Soak the halloumi in cold water 20 minutes to pull the brine, then dry it aggressively. Salt out, moisture out, crust in.

You need

• 1 lb cleaned squid, tubes cut into 1/2-inch rings, tentacles left whole
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup semolina or fine cornmeal
• 1 tsp kosher salt, plus more for finishing
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 cup sliced pickled cherry peppers, drained and patted very dry
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying
• 1 lemon, cut into wedges
• Marinara for dipping

Method

1. Pat the squid completely dry, then soak it in the buttermilk in the refrigerator for 30 to 60 minutes. This seasons it and tenderizes slightly. Keep it cold the whole time.
2. Whisk the flour, semolina, salt, pepper, and cayenne in a wide bowl.
3. Heat the oil to 365F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a clip-on thermometer. Set a wire rack over a sheet pan next to the stove.
4. Lift the squid from the buttermilk a handful at a time, letting it drain well, then toss in the dry mix and shake off every loose bit of flour. Wet squid going into hot oil is how you get burned.
5. Fry in small batches for 60 to 90 seconds, until the coating is pale gold and just set. It will not brown deeply, and it should not. Squid seizes into rubber somewhere past the two-minute mark.
6. Move to the rack and salt immediately, while the surface is still hot enough to take it. Let the oil come back to 365F between batches.
7. Drop the cherry peppers into the oil for 20 seconds. They will spatter, so stand back and use a spider. Drain and scatter them over the top.
8. Serve at once with lemon and marinara.

From behind the bar: Squid is tender under two minutes or after forty-five minutes of braising. There is nothing usable in between, so watch the clock, not the color.

You need

• 4 large russet potatoes
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 1 tsp coarse salt
• 4 tbsp butter, melted
• 2 tsp smoked paprika, plus more to finish
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/2 tsp fine salt
• 2 cups grated sharp cheddar made with microbial rennet
• 1/2 cup full-fat sour cream (no gelatin, check thickened low-fat brands)
• 3 scallions, sliced thin
• 2 tbsp pickled jalapenos, chopped

Method

1. Rub the potatoes with oil and coarse salt. Bake directly on the oven rack at 400F for 55 to 65 minutes, until a knife goes through with no drag.
2. Cool 15 minutes so you can handle them. Halve lengthwise and scoop out the flesh, leaving a solid 1/4 inch on the skin. Save the flesh for something else.
3. Mix the melted butter with smoked paprika, cumin, garlic powder, cayenne and fine salt. Brush it over the insides and the outsides.
4. Raise the oven to 450F. Bake the shells cut side down on a wire rack for 12 minutes, flip, and go another 8 minutes until the edges crackle when tapped.
5. Fill each shell with cheddar and return for 4 to 5 minutes, until the cheese is bubbling at the rim.
6. Finish with sour cream, scallions, pickled jalapenos and one more dust of smoked paprika. Serve while the skins are still loud.

From behind the bar: Leave a quarter inch of potato on the skin when you scoop. Any thinner and the shell folds under the cheese instead of holding it.

You need

• 12 large jalapenos
• 8 oz cream cheese, at room temperature
• 4 oz sharp cheddar, shredded
• 3 slices bacon, cooked crisp and crumbled
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 large eggs, beaten
• 2 cups panko
• 2 qt peanut or canola oil for frying

Method

1. Wearing disposable gloves, halve the jalapenos lengthwise and scrape out the seeds and white ribs with a spoon or paring knife. Leave a few ribs in if you want them hot.
2. Mix the cream cheese, cheddar, bacon, garlic powder, and salt until smooth.
3. Fill each half level with the rim. Overfilled poppers blow out in the oil. Chill 30 minutes on a sheet pan.
4. Coat each half in flour, then egg, then panko. Go through egg and panko a second time so the shell can survive the fry.
5. Freeze the breaded poppers 30 minutes. Cold filling buys you the time it takes to brown the crust.
6. Heat the oil to 350F in a heavy 6-quart pot, filled no more than a third of the way up the sides, with a clip-on thermometer. Lower than the other fryer recipes here on purpose, so the pepper softens and the cheese melts before the crust burns.
7. Fry 4 or 5 at a time, cheese side up, for 3 to 4 minutes until deep golden. Drain on a wire rack and bring the oil back to 350F between batches.
8. Rest 5 minutes. The filling comes out molten and nobody thanks you for the burn.

From behind the bar: Gloves, and keep them on until the peppers are breaded. Capsaicin oil does not rinse off with water and it will find your eye three hours later.

You need

• 2 lb russet potatoes, cut into 1/2 inch batons
• Neutral oil for deep frying, about 8 cups
• 3 tbsp butter
• 8 oz cremini mushrooms, chopped fine
• 1 yellow onion, diced
• 3 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 3 cups vegetable stock
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tsp anchovy-free Worcestershire sauce (the standard bottle is made with anchovy, buy the vegan one)
• 1 tsp cider vinegar
• 1/2 tsp cracked black pepper
• 8 oz fresh cheese curds made with microbial rennet, at room temperature
• Salt

Method

1. Soak the cut potatoes in cold water 30 minutes, then dry them completely. Water in the fryer is how people lose eyebrows.
2. Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium-high. Add mushrooms and onion and cook 12 minutes without stirring much, until the pan is browned and the mushrooms have given up their water.
3. Stir in the flour and cook 2 minutes, then the tomato paste for 1 minute more. Whisk in the vegetable stock, soy sauce, anchovy-free Worcestershire and pepper.
4. Simmer 20 minutes until it coats a spoon and holds a line when you drag a finger through it. Finish with the cider vinegar and salt to taste. Keep it hot.
5. Fry the potatoes at 325F for 5 to 6 minutes, until pale and floppy. Lift out and rest 10 minutes on a rack.
6. Bring the oil to 375F and fry again 2 to 3 minutes until deep gold. Salt them the second they come out.
7. Pile the fries in a warm bowl, scatter the room-temperature curds through them, then ladle the hot gravy over the top. Serve inside ten minutes, no exceptions.

From behind the bar: Curds go on before the gravy and must be at room temperature. Cold curds sulk and never melt, and gravy poured under them just makes soup.

You need

• 1 large cauliflower (about 2 lb), cut into 1.5-inch florets
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp fine salt
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1 cup unsweetened plain soy milk, plus 1/2 cup cold water
• 2 cups panko breadcrumbs (read the label - some brands carry milk powder or whey)
• Neutral oil for deep frying (about 6 cups)
• 2/3 cup cayenne hot sauce (Frank's RedHot or similar - vegan)
• 4 tbsp vegan butter
• 1 tbsp maple syrup
• 1 tsp cider vinegar
• 4 celery ribs, cut into batons, and 1/2 cup vegan ranch, to serve

Method

1. Cut the cauliflower into 1.5-inch florets, each with one flat side. Spread on a tray, leave uncovered 20 minutes, then pat dry with a towel.
2. Whisk the flour, cornstarch, garlic powder, smoked paprika, salt and pepper. Pour in the soy milk and cold water and whisk to the thickness of heavy cream. Rest 10 minutes.
3. Heat 3 inches of neutral oil to 350F in a heavy pot. Set a wire rack over a tray.
4. Dip a floret in the batter, let it drip for 3 seconds, then press it into the panko on all sides. Coat only as many as will fit one batch.
5. Fry 6 to 8 pieces at a time for 5 to 6 minutes, until deep gold and a skewer meets slight resistance in the stem. Drain on the rack and salt immediately. Bring the oil back to 350F between batches.
6. Melt the vegan butter over low heat, then whisk in the hot sauce, maple syrup and vinegar until glossy. Do not let it boil or it splits.
7. Toss the wings through the sauce in a wide bowl, 4 or 5 at a time, and serve within two minutes with the celery and vegan ranch.

From behind the bar: Cauliflower is full of water. Let the cut florets sit out 20 minutes and pat them dry - wet florets steam inside the crust and go limp before they reach the sauce.

You need

• 12 oz sturdy restaurant-style tortilla chips
• 1 lb 80/20 ground beef
• 2 tbsp chili powder
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/4 cup water
• 8 oz sharp cheddar, shredded from a block
• 4 oz Monterey Jack, shredded from a block
• 1 can (15 oz) black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1/2 cup pickled jalapeno slices
• 1 cup pico de gallo
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 3 scallions, thinly sliced
• 1 lime, cut in wedges

Method

1. Heat the oven to 400F (205C). Line a half sheet pan with foil.
2. Brown the beef in a skillet over medium-high heat, 6 to 8 minutes, breaking it up as it goes. Drain the fat. Stir in chili powder, cumin, salt and the water; simmer 2 minutes. Ground beef must reach 160F (71C) on an instant-read thermometer.
3. Spread half the chips on the pan. Scatter half the beef, half the beans, half the cheese. Repeat with the rest.
4. Bake 8 to 10 minutes, until the cheese in the center of the tray is fully melted, not just glossy on top.
5. Add jalapenos, pico, sour cream, scallions and lime after it comes out. Cold toppings never go in the oven.
6. Serve on the pan. Transferring nachos is how nachos die.

From behind the bar: Shred cheese off a block. Bagged shreds are dusted with starch to stop clumping, and that starch keeps them from melting smooth.

You need

• 1 lb oyster mushroom clusters
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 2 tsp smoked paprika
• 2 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1.5 tsp fine salt
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 cup unsweetened plain soy or oat milk
• 2 tsp cider vinegar
• 1 tbsp cayenne hot sauce (vegan)
• Neutral oil for deep frying (about 6 cups)
• BBQ sauce: 3/4 cup ketchup, 3 tbsp molasses, 2 tbsp cider vinegar, 1 tbsp yellow mustard, 1 tbsp soy sauce, 2 tsp smoked paprika, 1 tsp onion powder, 1/2 tsp black pepper
• Or 1 cup store-bought BBQ sauce - read the label for honey and for Worcestershire sauce, which is usually made with anchovy

Method

1. Tear the clusters along the grain into palm-size pieces, leaving the stems attached so they hold together in the oil. Never use a knife.
2. Lay the pieces in a single layer between two towel-lined trays, weight them with a skillet and press 10 minutes. That water is the enemy of crust.
3. Stir the vinegar into the plant milk and leave 5 minutes to thicken, then whisk in the hot sauce. In a second bowl combine the flour, cornstarch, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper.
4. Simmer all the BBQ sauce ingredients in a small pan over low heat for 10 minutes, until it coats the back of a spoon. Keep it warm.
5. Heat 3 inches of oil to 350F. Dredge each piece dry, then wet, then dry again, pressing the second dry coat hard so it clumps. The clumps are the crunch.
6. Fry in batches of 4 or 5 for 4 to 5 minutes, until deep brown and rigid. Drain on a rack and salt while hot.
7. Brush the wings with the warm BBQ sauce rather than dunking them, and put the rest in a bowl for dipping.

From behind the bar: Tear, never cut. A knife gives you flat mushroom steaks. Torn edges catch the batter and fry into the frilly bits everyone fights over.

You need

• 2.5 lb russet potatoes, peeled
• 2 quarts peanut or canola oil
• Kosher salt
• 1 lb ground chuck
• 1 yellow onion, diced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 tbsp chili powder
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 can (15 oz) crushed tomatoes
• 1 can (15 oz) kidney beans, drained
• 1 cup beef stock
• 8 oz sharp cheddar, shredded
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/4 cup pickled jalapenos
• 3 scallions, sliced

Method

1. Make the chili first. Brown the chuck in a heavy pot over medium-high, 8 minutes. Add onion, cook 5 minutes until soft, then garlic and the dry spices, 1 minute. Add tomatoes, beans, stock and 1 tsp kosher salt. Simmer uncovered 35 to 40 minutes until thick enough to sit on a fry, then taste and correct the salt.
2. Cut the potatoes into 3/8-inch batons. Soak in cold water 30 minutes, then dry completely on towels. Wet potatoes and hot oil is a fight you lose.
3. Heat oil to 325F (163C) in a heavy pot filled no more than halfway. Fry the potatoes in three batches, 5 to 6 minutes each, until limp and barely colored. Drain on a rack and cool at least 30 minutes.
4. Raise the oil to 375F (190C). Fry each batch again, 3 to 4 minutes, until deep gold and rigid. Salt the second they leave the oil.
5. Pile the fries in a warm shallow dish, spoon hot chili down the center, hit it with cheddar. The heat of the chili melts it in about a minute.
6. Finish with sour cream, jalapenos and scallions. Eat standing up.

From behind the bar: Keep a clip-on thermometer in the pot and let the oil recover to temperature between batches. Crowded oil drops 50F fast, and cold oil makes greasy fries.

You need

• 4 large russet potatoes, 10 to 12 oz each
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• 1 tbsp kosher salt, plus more to season
• 8 strips thick-cut bacon
• 4 tbsp butter, melted
• 8 oz sharp cheddar, shredded
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 3 scallions, thinly sliced

Method

1. Heat the oven to 400F (205C). Scrub and dry the potatoes, rub with oil, coat with kosher salt. Bake directly on the rack 55 to 65 minutes, until a knife slides through with no resistance (about 210F/99C inside).
2. While they bake, lay the bacon on a foil-lined sheet pan and cook 15 to 18 minutes until crisp. Drain and crumble.
3. Cool the potatoes 15 minutes, then halve lengthwise and scoop out the flesh, leaving a 1/4-inch shell. Keep the scoopings for mash.
4. Raise the oven to 450F (232C). Brush the shells inside and out with melted butter, season with salt and pepper. Bake cut side down 10 minutes, flip, bake 10 minutes more. The edges should be brittle.
5. Fill each shell with cheddar and bacon. Back in for 5 to 6 minutes until the cheese bubbles at the edges.
6. Sour cream and scallions off the heat. Serve them hot; potato skins do not wait for anyone.

From behind the bar: Leave a full quarter inch of potato in the shell. Scoop it thinner and the skin buckles and tears in the second bake, and you lose the filling to the pan.

You need

• 1 block (14 to 16 oz) extra-firm tofu
• 1 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
• 3 tbsp cornstarch
• 1 tbsp potato starch (or more cornstarch)
• 1 tsp fine salt
• 1/2 tsp ground white pepper
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• Neutral oil for frying (about 4 cups)
• Flaky salt, to finish
• Black pepper mayo: 1/2 cup vegan mayo, 1 tsp coarsely ground black pepper, 1 tsp rice vinegar, 1 small garlic clove grated, 1 tsp maple syrup

Method

1. Press the tofu 30 minutes under a weight - a plate with a heavy skillet on top - draining the water off as it collects.
2. Tear the block into rough 1-inch pieces with your hands. Ragged faces fry crisper than anything a knife produces.
3. Toss the pieces with the soy sauce, leave 5 minutes, then dust with the combined cornstarch, potato starch, salt, white pepper and garlic powder until every surface looks chalky and dry.
4. Whisk the vegan mayo, black pepper, vinegar, garlic and maple syrup together and chill until needed.
5. Heat 2 inches of oil to 375F. Fry in two batches for 4 to 5 minutes, nudging the pieces apart after the first minute so they do not fuse.
6. Pull them when the shell is hard and gold. Drain on a rack, hit with flaky salt while the oil is still spitting, and serve with the black pepper mayo.

From behind the bar: Freeze the pressed block overnight and thaw it, then squeeze. The ice crystals leave the tofu spongy and craggy - more surface, better crunch, and it grips the dip.

You need

• 2 lb frozen tater tots
• 1.5 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 3/4 cup cayenne pepper hot sauce, such as Frank's RedHot
• 4 tbsp butter
• 8 oz Monterey Jack, shredded
• 4 oz blue cheese crumbles
• 1/3 cup blue cheese dressing
• 2 celery ribs, thinly sliced
• 3 scallions, sliced

Method

1. Heat the oven to 425F (218C). Spread the tots across two sheet pans in a single layer with space between them. Bake 25 to 30 minutes, flipping once, until deeply browned and crisp.
2. On a third pan, rub the thighs with the oil and salt. Roast 20 to 25 minutes, until an instant-read thermometer in the thickest part reads 165F (74C). Rest 5 minutes, then chop into rough half-inch pieces.
3. Warm the hot sauce in a small pan, pull it off the heat, then whisk in the butter one tablespoon at a time until glossy. Toss the chicken through it.
4. Pile the crisp tots into a 12-inch cast iron skillet. Scatter the Jack, then the buffalo chicken.
5. Back into the 425F oven for 5 to 7 minutes, just until the cheese melts and pulls.
6. Drizzle with blue cheese dressing, then blue cheese crumbles, celery and scallions. Serve in the skillet.

From behind the bar: Do not crowd the tots. Touching tots steam each other and go soft in the middle, and no amount of cheese saves a soft tot. Two pans, always.

You need

• 1 large cauliflower (about 2 lb), cut into 1.5-inch florets
• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup cornstarch
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp fine salt
• 1 cup ice-cold sparkling water
• Neutral oil for deep frying (about 6 cups)
• 1/4 cup gochujang (most brands are vegan - check the label for honey)
• 3 tbsp maple syrup
• 2 tbsp rice vinegar
• 2 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp toasted sesame oil
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tbsp grated fresh ginger
• 2 tbsp water
• 1 tbsp toasted sesame seeds and 3 thinly sliced scallions, to finish

Method

1. Whisk the flour, cornstarch, baking powder and salt, then stir in the sparkling water just until combined. Lumps are fine; overmixing is not. Sit the bowl on ice.
2. Warm the sesame oil in a small pan, cook the garlic and ginger 60 seconds without color, then add the gochujang, maple syrup, vinegar, soy sauce and water. Simmer 3 to 4 minutes to a glaze that ribbons off the spoon. Keep warm.
3. Heat 3 inches of oil to 325F. Coat the florets in batter and fry in batches for 4 minutes - they should come out pale and set, not brown. Drain on a rack and rest 5 minutes.
4. Raise the oil to 375F and fry everything a second time for 2 to 3 minutes, until hard and light gold. Drain.
5. Off the heat, toss the cauliflower with the warm glaze in a wide bowl, in two batches, working fast.
6. Sesame seeds, scallions, table. Sauced fried food is on a clock.

From behind the bar: The first fry cooks the cauliflower, the second builds the shell. Skip the 5-minute rest between them and you get one soggy fry instead of two good ones.

You need

• 2.5 lb russet potatoes, peeled
• 2 quarts peanut or canola oil
• Kosher salt
• 4 tbsp butter
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 cups beef stock
• 1 cup chicken stock
• 1 tbsp cider vinegar
• 2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 10 oz fresh cheese curds, at room temperature

Method

1. Take the curds out of the fridge 30 minutes ahead. Cold curds sit there like erasers and refuse to soften.
2. Make the gravy. Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium, whisk in the flour, and cook 5 to 6 minutes to a light peanut color. Whisk in the beef and chicken stock a splash at a time so it stays smooth.
3. Simmer 12 to 15 minutes until it coats the back of a spoon. Add vinegar, Worcestershire, pepper and salt to taste. Hold it hot, above 180F (82C).
4. Cut the potatoes into 3/8-inch batons, soak in cold water 30 minutes, dry completely. Fry at 325F (163C) for 5 to 6 minutes until pale and floppy. Drain on a rack, cool 30 minutes.
5. Raise the oil to 375F (190C) and fry again, 3 to 4 minutes, until gold and stiff. Salt lightly, since the gravy is already salted.
6. Fries in a warm bowl, curds over the top, then ladle the hot gravy across the whole thing. Serve inside two minutes. Poutine has no shelf life.

From behind the bar: Salt the fries with a light hand. The gravy carries most of the salt, and a fully seasoned fry underneath pushes the finished plate over into inedible.

You need

• 1 lb king oyster mushrooms, cut into 1/2-inch batons
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 1/4 cup rice flour
• 1 tsp Chinese five-spice
• 1 tsp fine salt
• 1/2 cup aquafaba (the liquid from a can of unsalted chickpeas)
• Neutral oil for deep frying (about 5 cups), plus 2 tbsp for the wok
• 4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
• 2 red chiles, sliced
• 1 green chile, sliced
• 3 scallions, cut into 1-inch lengths, whites and greens separated
• Salt-pepper mix: 2 tsp flaky salt, 2 tsp ground white pepper, 1 tsp Sichuan peppercorns, 1/2 tsp sugar, 1/2 tsp five-spice

Method

1. Toast the Sichuan peppercorns in a dry pan for 60 seconds until they smell like citrus and smoke, grind them, then mix with the flaky salt, white pepper, sugar and five-spice. Keep the bowl next to the stove.
2. Toss the mushroom batons in the aquafaba, lift them out and let the excess run off, then dredge in the combined cornstarch, rice flour, five-spice and fine salt. Shake off the surplus.
3. Heat 2 inches of oil to 360F. Fry in three batches for 3 to 4 minutes, until pale gold and rigid. Drain on a rack.
4. Raise the oil to 375F and return everything for a final 45 seconds. Drain hard.
5. Wipe out a wok and get it smoking. Add 2 tbsp oil, then the garlic, chiles and scallion whites. Thirty seconds, and do not let the garlic brown.
6. Add the mushrooms and 2 tsp of the salt-pepper mix. Toss for 20 seconds, taste, add more mix if it needs it. Scatter the scallion greens and serve. No sauce goes anywhere near this dish.

From behind the bar: Keep the wok dry. Any liquid at all - soy, vinegar, wine - and the crust turns to paste in seconds. The seasoning is a powder and it stays a powder.

You need

• 2 large Spanish onions, cut crosswise into 1/2-inch rings
• 1 cup unsweetened soy milk
• 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided (1 cup for batter, 1/2 cup for dredging)
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 2 tsp fine sea salt
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1 cup cold lager (most mass-market lagers are vegan; skip isinglass-fined cask ale)
• 2 quarts neutral oil for frying (canola or peanut)
• 1 tsp flaky salt, for finishing

Method

1. Separate the rings. Keep the outer three or four from each onion and save the small inner ones for something else. Soak in ice water 20 minutes, then dry them hard between towels.
2. Whisk the soy milk with the cider vinegar and let it sit 5 minutes until it thickens and curdles. That is the buttermilk.
3. Whisk 1 cup flour, cornstarch, baking powder, salt, smoked paprika, garlic powder and cayenne in a bowl. Put the remaining 1/2 cup plain flour in a wide dish for dredging.
4. Pour the cold beer and the soy buttermilk into the dry mix and whisk to the thickness of heavy cream. Rest 10 minutes.
5. Heat the oil to 365F in a heavy pot. Use a thermometer.
6. Dredge a ring in the dry flour, shake it off, dip in batter, let the excess run, and lower it into the oil. Fry five or six at a time for 3 to 4 minutes, flipping once, until deep gold. Let the oil climb back to 365F between batches.
7. Drain on a wire rack, never paper. Hit with flaky salt while they are still loud.

From behind the bar: Dredge every ring in dry seasoned flour before the wet batter. Skip it and the coating slides off in the oil, and you are eating fried nothing.

You need

• 1 lb white American cheese, sliced at the deli counter (not individually wrapped singles)
• 1 cup whole milk, plus more for loosening
• 1/2 cup evaporated milk
• 2 fresh poblano peppers
• 1 jalapeno, seeded and minced
• 1/2 small white onion, minced
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
• Thick-cut tortilla chips, to serve

Method

1. Char the poblanos directly over a gas flame or under a broiler 8-10 minutes, turning, until blackened in patches. Seal in a covered bowl 10 minutes to steam, then peel, seed, and dice.
2. Heat the oil in a heavy saucepan over medium. Cook the onion and jalapeno 4-5 minutes until soft but not browned. Add the cumin and stir 30 seconds.
3. Add both milks and bring to 150F — steaming, never simmering. Boiling milk here will cost you the texture.
4. Tear the cheese into pieces. Add a small handful at a time over low heat, stirring constantly with a rubber spatula until each addition is fully melted before the next goes in. Takes about 8 minutes total.
5. Fold in the diced poblano and salt to taste.
6. Serve in a warmed bowl or a small slow cooker set to warm — hold it at 145F or above, not on a cold table for hours. As it tightens, stir in whole milk 1 tablespoon at a time.
7. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours in a shallow container. Reheat gently over low heat with a splash of milk; do not microwave it hard or it will split.

From behind the bar: Deli white American carries sodium citrate, which is why it emulsifies instead of splitting. Straight cheddar will break into oil and rubber every time.

You need

• 1 1/2 cups dried chickpeas, soaked 18 hours in cold water and drained (canned will not work)
• 1 small onion, quartered
• 4 garlic cloves
• 1 packed cup flat-leaf parsley leaves
• 1/2 packed cup cilantro leaves
• 1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp ground coriander
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 2 tsp fine sea salt
• 3 tbsp chickpea flour, plus more if needed
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 2 quarts neutral oil for frying
• 1/2 cup tahini
• Juice of 2 lemons (about 1/4 cup)
• 1 garlic clove, grated, for the sauce
• 1/2 tsp salt, for the sauce
• 4 to 6 tbsp ice water
• 2 tsp ground sumac, to finish
• 1/2 cup quick-pickled red onion, to finish

Method

1. Soak the dried chickpeas 18 hours in plenty of cold water. Drain and dry them well. Do not cook them.
2. Pulse chickpeas, onion, garlic, parsley, cilantro, cumin, coriander, cayenne and salt in a food processor to the texture of coarse couscous. Stop before it becomes a puree. A squeezed handful should hold together.
3. Chill the mixture 30 minutes, then stir in the chickpea flour and baking soda right before shaping.
4. Press into batons about 3 inches long and 3/4 inch thick. Firm pressure, flat sides, no delicate spheres.
5. Heat the oil to 340F. Fry a single test knuckle first for 4 to 5 minutes; if it breaks apart, work another tablespoon of chickpea flour into the mix.
6. Fry in batches of five for 4 to 5 minutes, turning, until very dark brown outside. The inside stays bright green.
7. Whisk tahini, lemon juice, grated garlic and 1/2 tsp salt. It will seize into cement. Add ice water a tablespoon at a time until it loosens to a pourable sauce.
8. Drain on a rack, salt, dust with sumac and pile on the pickled onion.

From behind the bar: The 18-hour soak is the recipe. Canned chickpeas are already cooked and will dissolve into the oil, taking your dignity with them.

You need

• 10 oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed
• 1 (14 oz) can artichoke hearts in water, drained and roughly chopped
• 8 oz cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 3/4 cup finely grated Parmesan
• 1 cup shredded low-moisture mozzarella, divided
• 2 cloves garlic, grated
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1 baguette, sliced 1/2 inch thick, plus olive oil for brushing

Method

1. Heat the oven to 375F.
2. Wrap the thawed spinach in a clean kitchen towel and twist hard over the sink until no more liquid comes out. Press the artichokes the same way, then chop both.
3. Beat the cream cheese smooth, then stir in sour cream, mayonnaise, Parmesan, half the mozzarella, garlic, pepper, cayenne, lemon juice, and salt.
4. Fold in the spinach and artichokes. Spread into a 1-quart baking dish and top with the remaining mozzarella.
5. Bake 25-30 minutes, until bubbling at the edges and hot through — 165F at the center on an instant-read thermometer.
6. Run it under the broiler 2-3 minutes for color, watching the whole time.
7. Meanwhile, brush the baguette slices with olive oil and toast on a sheet pan at 375F for 8-10 minutes, until crisp at the edges and still chewy in the middle.
8. Rest the dip 5 minutes before serving. It comes out of the oven hot enough to take the roof of someone's mouth off. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours.

From behind the bar: Watery spinach makes soupy dip, and no amount of extra cheese fixes it. If the towel comes away damp, you stopped squeezing too early.

You need

• One 24 oz jar dill pickle chips, or 6 whole dill pickles sliced 1/4 inch thick
• 1 cup unsweetened soy milk
• 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 1 tbsp cayenne hot sauce (vinegar-and-pepper style; check the label for honey)
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup fine cornmeal
• 2 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1 tsp fine sea salt
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 2 quarts neutral oil for frying
• 3/4 cup vegan mayo (aquafaba or soy based)
• 3 tbsp unsweetened soy milk, for the ranch
• 2 tbsp chopped fresh dill
• 1 tbsp chopped chives
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/4 tsp each garlic powder and onion powder, for the ranch

Method

1. Drain the pickles and spread them in a single layer on paper towels. Press a second layer on top and leave them 15 minutes. They need to be bone dry.
2. Whisk the soy milk, cider vinegar and hot sauce. Rest 5 minutes until it thickens.
3. Whisk the flour, cornmeal, smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper in a wide dish.
4. Make the ranch: stir the vegan mayo, 3 tbsp soy milk, dill, chives, lemon juice, garlic powder and onion powder. Salt to taste and chill it while you fry.
5. Heat the oil to 375F.
6. Dip each slice in the buttermilk, then press firmly into the dry mix. For thick-cut slices, go back through wet and dry a second time.
7. Fry in small batches for 2 to 3 minutes until golden and blistered. Crowding the pot drops the oil and gives you soggy chips.
8. Rack, salt, serve immediately with the cold ranch. They do not improve with waiting.

From behind the bar: Dry every slice between paper towels. Wet pickles steam their own crust off from the inside and you will blame the batter.

You need

• 1 (15 oz) can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 cup tahini, well stirred
• 1/4 cup lemon juice, plus a squeeze for the onions
• 1 clove garlic
• 3/4 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 3-6 tbsp ice water
• 8 oz ground lamb (or ground beef)
• 1 tsp baharat or seven-spice
• 1/2 small red onion, sliced paper thin
• 1 tsp ground sumac
• 2 tbsp pine nuts
• 2 tbsp olive oil, plus more for finishing
• 1/2 tsp Aleppo pepper
• Small handful flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 4 pita breads, warmed

Method

1. Set aside 1/2 cup of the drained chickpeas for frying — they need to stay firm. Simmer the rest with the baking soda in water to cover for 15-20 minutes, until the skins slip and a chickpea mashes to nothing between your fingers, then drain.
2. Blend the lemon juice and garlic in a food processor for 1 minute. Add the tahini, salt, and cumin and blend until it seizes up and pales.
3. Add the hot chickpeas and run the processor a full 3-4 minutes, scraping down twice and streaming in ice water until it is silky and pourable. Longer is better here.
4. Pat the reserved chickpeas completely dry, then fry in 2 tbsp olive oil over medium heat for 6-8 minutes, until crisp and blistered. Wet chickpeas spit, so keep the lid nearby. Drain on paper towel and salt. Toast the pine nuts in the same pan 2 minutes, watching closely.
5. Brown the lamb in a dry skillet over medium-high heat, breaking it up, 6-8 minutes, to an internal temperature of 160F for ground meat. Stir in the baharat and a pinch of salt off the heat.
6. Toss the sliced onion with the sumac, a squeeze of lemon, and a pinch of salt. Let it sit 10 minutes to soften.
7. Spread the hummus in a wide shallow bowl, using the back of a spoon to push a well into the center. Pile in the lamb, then scatter chickpeas, sumac onion, pine nuts, and parsley.
8. Finish with olive oil and Aleppo pepper. Serve with warm pita. For a vegetarian version, skip the lamb and double the crisp chickpeas.

From behind the bar: Blend the chickpeas hot. Cold ones never go fully smooth, and no amount of extra tahini hides the grit.

You need

• 2 cups cooked chicken, shredded (rotisserie works, or poach 2 breasts)
• 8 oz cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 cup cayenne pepper hot sauce (Frank's RedHot Original or similar)
• 1/2 cup chunky blue cheese dressing (or ranch)
• 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar, divided
• 1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese
• 2 scallions, thinly sliced
• Celery and carrot sticks, cut into batons
• Thick-cut tortilla chips, to serve

Method

1. Heat the oven to 350F. If poaching your own chicken, bring salted water to a bare simmer, add the breasts, and pull them at an instant-read temperature of 165F, roughly 15 minutes. Rest, then shred with two forks.
2. Beat the cream cheese until completely smooth — lumps here stay lumps forever.
3. Stir in the hot sauce and the dressing until the mixture is a uniform orange.
4. Fold in the shredded chicken, 1/2 cup of the cheddar, and the blue cheese crumbles.
5. Spread into a 1-quart baking dish and top with the remaining cheddar.
6. Bake 20-25 minutes, until bubbling at the edges and 165F at the center on an instant-read thermometer.
7. Rest 5 minutes, scatter the scallions, and serve with celery, carrots, and chips. If you are holding it on a warmer, keep it at 145F or above. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours.

From behind the bar: Pull poached chicken at 165F and not a minute past. Boiled chicken shreds into wet string and the dip goes stringy with it.

You need

• 1 cup cake flour, plus 2 tbsp extra for dusting
• 1/4 cup cornstarch
• 1/2 tsp fine sea salt
• 1 cup ice-cold sparkling water
• 2 tbsp vodka
• 1 small sweet potato, sliced into 1/4-inch rounds
• 6 shiitake mushroom caps
• 8 shishito peppers
• 12 green beans, trimmed
• 1 small red onion, cut into wedges through the root
• 2 sheets nori, quartered
• 2 quarts neutral oil for frying
• 2 cups water, for the dipping broth
• One 4-inch piece kombu
• 4 dried shiitake mushrooms
• 3 tbsp soy sauce
• 2 tbsp mirin
• 1 tsp sugar (use organic, bone-char free)
• 1/2 cup grated daikon, to serve
• 1 tbsp grated fresh ginger, to serve

Method

1. Make the broth: steep the kombu and dried shiitake in 2 cups cold water for 30 minutes, then heat to just under a simmer and pull the kombu out before it boils. Simmer the shiitake 5 minutes, strain, then stir in soy sauce, mirin and sugar. Keep it warm. No bonito goes anywhere near this.
2. Dry all the vegetables completely and dust them lightly with cake flour. Wet vegetables and hot oil have a bad relationship.
3. Heat the oil to 340F and set a bowl of ice water on the counter.
4. Whisk 1 cup cake flour, the cornstarch and salt. Pour in the sparkling water and vodka and stir with chopsticks for about twelve seconds. Stop while it is still lumpy. Sit the bowl in the ice water.
5. Fry the dense pieces first: sweet potato and onion, five or six at a time, 3 to 4 minutes until the coating is pale and set.
6. Then the quick ones: shiitake caps, green beans and shishito, 90 seconds to 2 minutes. Bring the oil back to 340F between batches.
7. Batter only one side of each nori quarter and fry 30 seconds. It comes out like a fried windowpane.
8. Drain on a rack, salt lightly, and serve with the warm broth, grated daikon and ginger.

From behind the bar: Overmixed tempura batter turns bready. Twelve seconds with chopsticks, lumps intact, bowl sitting in ice the whole time you fry.

You need

• 1.5 lb Roma tomatoes (about 6)
• 1/2 white onion, cut into thick slabs
• 2 jalapenos (or 3 serranos for more heat)
• 4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
• 2 chipotles in adobo, plus 1 tsp of the adobo sauce
• 2 dried chiles de arbol
• Juice of 1/2 lime
• 3/4 tsp kosher salt, plus more to taste
• Small handful cilantro
• Tortilla chips, to serve

Method

1. Open a window and run the hood fan before you start. Charring chiles on a dry pan puts capsaicin into the air and it will find your throat.
2. Set a dry cast-iron skillet or comal over medium-high heat. No oil.
3. Char the tomatoes, onion slabs, jalapenos, and unpeeled garlic, turning every few minutes, until blistered black in patches and collapsing soft — 12-15 minutes for the tomatoes, about 8 for the garlic. Pull each item as it is done.
4. Toast the arbol chiles in the same pan 20-30 seconds per side, until they smell nutty. Pull them the moment the smoke turns sharp; burnt chile is bitter and unfixable. Stem them, and seed them if you want less heat.
5. Peel the garlic. Stem the jalapenos. Let everything cool 10 minutes — hot liquid in a sealed blender builds pressure and blows the lid off.
6. Blend everything with the chipotles, adobo, lime juice, salt, and cilantro. Pulse in short bursts to a coarse, spoonable texture. Do not run it into a smoothie.
7. Taste, adjust salt, and loosen with 1-2 tbsp water if it is too thick.
8. Rest 30 minutes at room temperature so the flavors settle, then serve. Keeps 5 days covered in the refrigerator.

From behind the bar: The black bits are the flavor — do not rinse or trim them off. Under-charred vegetables give you salsa that tastes like canned soup.

You need

• 1 cup raw cashews, soaked in boiling water 30 minutes and drained
• 1 1/4 cups water
• 1/3 cup refined coconut oil, melted
• 6 tbsp tapioca starch
• 3 tbsp nutritional yeast
• 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
• 1 tsp lactic acid powder (the vegan kind, fermented from beet sugar) or an extra 1 tbsp lemon juice
• 1 1/2 tsp fine sea salt
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1 cup all-purpose flour, for breading
• 1 cup unsweetened soy milk, for breading
• 2 tbsp cornstarch, for breading
• 2 cups panko (read the bag; plenty of brands carry milk powder or honey)
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 2 quarts neutral oil for frying
• 1 1/2 cups marinara, warmed (check the jar for butter, cream or cheese, or make your own)

Method

1. Blend the cashews, water, coconut oil, tapioca starch, nutritional yeast, lemon juice, lactic acid, salt and onion powder on high for 2 full minutes until there is no grit left at all.
2. Pour into a saucepan over medium heat and stir constantly with a silicone spatula, 5 to 8 minutes. It goes thin, then grainy, then suddenly glossy and elastic. Keep stirring 2 minutes past that point.
3. Scrape into a parchment-lined 8x4 loaf pan, smooth the top, press plastic wrap onto the surface and chill 4 hours, or overnight, until firm.
4. Turn out and cut into 12 batons about 3/4 inch thick. Freeze them 30 minutes.
5. Set up three dishes: flour; soy milk whisked with cornstarch; panko tossed with garlic powder, oregano and a big pinch of salt. Take every stick flour, slurry, panko, slurry, panko. Double coat all of them, no exceptions.
6. Freeze the breaded sticks 1 hour, until solid through.
7. Heat the oil to 350F and fry five or six at a time for 2 to 3 minutes until deep gold. Drain on a rack and salt.
8. Rest one minute, then tear one open in front of whoever doubted you. Serve with warm marinara.

From behind the bar: Freeze the breaded sticks solid before they hit the oil. Cold center, hot oil, that is the whole trick. Warm ones blow out and you get a pot of soup.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb (680 g) ground beef, 80/20
• 12 slider buns or soft dinner rolls
• 6 slices American cheese, cut in half
• 1 medium yellow onion, sliced paper thin
• 12 dill pickle chips
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• Kosher salt and coarse black pepper
• SAUCE: 3/4 cup mayonnaise
• SAUCE: 3 tbsp ketchup
• SAUCE: 2 tbsp dill pickle relish
• SAUCE: 1 tbsp yellow mustard
• SAUCE: 1 tsp smoked paprika
• SAUCE: 1/2 tsp onion powder
• SAUCE: 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• SAUCE: 1 tsp pickle brine
• SAUCE: pinch cayenne

Method

1. Whisk all sauce ingredients in a bowl until uniform. Cover and refrigerate at least 30 minutes; it tastes flat straight out of the whisk and correct after half an hour. Keeps 1 week in the fridge.
2. Divide the beef into 12 loose balls, about 2 oz (57 g) each. Do not knead, roll, or season them yet. Chill until the pan is ready.
3. Heat a cast iron skillet or flat griddle over high heat until a drop of water skitters and vanishes on contact, roughly 500F/260C. Turn the fan on and open a window, because this smokes. Add a thin film of oil.
4. Place 3 or 4 balls in the pan with space between. Drop a small pile of shaved onion on each, then smash flat with a stiff metal spatula to about 1/4 inch. Season with salt and pepper.
5. Cook undisturbed 90 seconds until the edges are lacy brown. Scrape under the crust with the spatula edge, flip, lay on a half slice of cheese, cook 45 seconds more. Ground beef needs 160F/71C; patties this thin get there in the time given, but check one with an instant-read if you want certainty.
6. Pull to a plate. Wipe the pan with a wadded paper towel held in tongs, never bare fingers, and repeat in batches. Toast the cut buns face down in the leftover fat for 30 seconds.
7. Build: sauce on both cut faces, patty, pickle chip, top bun. Serve immediately. These do not wait well.

From behind the bar: Use a stiff metal spatula and smash within 10 seconds of the ball hitting the pan. After that the meat sets and you are just squeezing the juice out onto the griddle.

You need

• 4 lb (1.8 kg) bone-in pork shoulder, Boston butt
• 1/2 cup water or cider
• 12 slider buns
• RUB: 2 tbsp kosher salt
• RUB: 2 tbsp dark brown sugar
• RUB: 1 tbsp smoked paprika
• RUB: 2 tsp coarse black pepper
• RUB: 1 tsp garlic powder
• RUB: 1 tsp mustard powder
• RUB: 1/2 tsp cayenne
• SAUCE: 1/2 cup yellow mustard
• SAUCE: 1/2 cup cider vinegar
• SAUCE: 1/4 cup ketchup
• SAUCE: 3 tbsp dark brown sugar
• SAUCE: 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• SAUCE: 1 tsp hot sauce
• SAUCE: 1 tsp black pepper
• SAUCE: 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• SLAW: 3 cups shredded green cabbage
• SLAW: 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• SLAW: 1 1/2 tbsp cider vinegar
• SLAW: 1 tsp sugar, salt to taste

Method

1. Mix the rub and coat the pork on all sides, working it into the seams. Wrap and refrigerate 12 hours if you have it, 2 hours if you don't. It stays in the fridge, not on the counter.
2. Heat the oven to 300F/150C. Set the pork fat cap up in a Dutch oven or deep roasting pan, add the water, cover tightly with a lid or doubled foil.
3. Roast 4 1/2 to 5 1/2 hours. It is done when an instant-read thermometer reads 200 to 205F (93 to 96C) in the thickest muscle and the blade bone twists free with no resistance. Time varies; the temperature does not.
4. While it cooks, combine all sauce ingredients in a saucepan and simmer gently 10 minutes, uncovered, stirring now and then. It should coat a spoon thinly. Cool. It sharpens overnight.
5. Rest the pork uncovered 30 minutes. Pour the pan juices into a cup and let the fat rise, then skim and discard the fat layer.
6. Pull the meat with two forks, discarding gristle and the bone. Fold in 1 cup of the sauce plus 3 to 4 tbsp of the skimmed juices.
7. Toss the slaw ingredients right before serving so it stays crisp. Pile pork on toasted buns, slaw on top, extra sauce on the table. Refrigerate leftovers within two hours.

From behind the bar: Skim the fat off the pot juices and stir a few spoons of the defatted liquid back into the shredded pork. That is the whole difference between moist and sawdust.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb (680 g) boneless skinless chicken thighs, cut into 12 pieces about 2 oz each
• 2 quarts peanut or canola oil for frying
• 12 slider buns, toasted
• 24 dill pickle chips
• BRINE: 2 cups buttermilk
• BRINE: 1 tbsp kosher salt
• BRINE: 1 tbsp hot sauce
• BRINE: 1 tsp black pepper
• DREDGE: 2 cups all-purpose flour
• DREDGE: 2 tbsp cornstarch
• DREDGE: 2 tsp kosher salt
• DREDGE: 2 tsp paprika
• DREDGE: 1 tsp garlic powder
• DREDGE: 1 tsp onion powder
• DREDGE: 1 tsp black pepper
• DREDGE: 1/2 tsp cayenne
• HOT HONEY: 1/2 cup honey
• HOT HONEY: 2 tbsp cayenne-style hot sauce
• HOT HONEY: 2 tbsp unsalted butter
• HOT HONEY: 1 tsp cider vinegar
• HOT HONEY: 1/2 tsp cayenne, pinch salt

Method

1. Whisk the brine and submerge the chicken. Refrigerate 4 hours minimum, overnight is better. Plan for it; this is not a same-hour recipe. Discard the used brine, and do not let raw chicken share a board with the buns.
2. Whisk the dredge ingredients in a wide bowl. Drizzle in 3 tbsp of the buttermilk brine and rake with a fork until you have pea-sized clumps.
3. Lift each piece from the brine, let the excess run off, and press hard into the dredge on both sides. Set on a rack and rest 15 minutes so the coating hydrates and stops falling off.
4. Fill a heavy pot no more than one-third with oil and heat to 350F/175C. Use a thermometer, not a guess. Have a rack-lined sheet pan ready and the pot handle turned in.
5. Fry in batches of 4 or 5, never crowding, lowering each piece away from you. Keep the oil between 325 and 350F by adjusting the burner. Cook 4 to 5 minutes, turning once, until deep gold and an instant-read thermometer in the thickest piece reads 165F/74C. Drain on the rack, not paper.
6. For the hot honey, warm all ingredients in a small pan over low heat, stirring until the butter melts and it just loosens. Do not boil it; honey turns bitter and thin.
7. Brush or toss the hot chicken in the hot honey while both are warm. Serve on toasted buns with pickles. Keep a spoon of plain mayo on hand for anyone who taps out. Let the oil cool completely in the pot before you move it.

From behind the bar: Drizzle 3 tbsp of the buttermilk brine into the dry dredge and rake it with a fork. Those clumps are the craggy bits. Then rest the breaded pieces 15 minutes before they hit oil.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb (680 g) ground beef, 80/20
• 12 oz (340 g) cremini mushrooms, sliced 1/4 inch
• 2 tbsp unsalted butter
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tsp fresh thyme leaves
• 2 tbsp dry sherry or dry white wine
• 6 slices Gruyere or Swiss, cut in half
• 12 slider buns
• Kosher salt and black pepper
• SAUCE: 1/2 cup sour cream
• SAUCE: 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• SAUCE: 1 tbsp prepared horseradish, squeezed dry
• SAUCE: 2 tsp Dijon mustard
• SAUCE: 1 tsp lemon juice
• SAUCE: 1 tbsp minced chives
• SAUCE: salt and black pepper to taste

Method

1. Whisk the sauce ingredients together, taste, and refrigerate at least 20 minutes. Horseradish loses its edge fast, so make this the same day.
2. Put the mushrooms in a dry skillet over medium-high heat with a pinch of salt. Cook 5 to 6 minutes, stirring, until they squeak out their water and it evaporates. No fat yet.
3. Add the butter, garlic, and thyme. Cook 3 to 4 more minutes until browned at the edges, then add the sherry and scrape the pan until the liquid is gone. Season and set aside warm.
4. Divide the beef into 12 loose 2 oz (57 g) balls. Heat cast iron over high heat, roughly 500F/260C, with the fan on.
5. Smash each ball flat with a stiff spatula to about 1/4 inch, season, cook 90 seconds until crusted, then flip. Ground beef needs an internal 160F/71C, about 45 to 60 seconds more at this thickness.
6. Top each patty with a half slice of cheese and a spoon of mushrooms. Slide the pan off the heat, add a tablespoon of water at the far edge, and cover 30 seconds to steam the cheese down. Water hitting hot fat spits, so keep it to a splash and stand back.
7. Toast the buns in the pan fat. Sauce the bottom bun, add the patty, chives on top, close, serve hot.

From behind the bar: Dry-pan the mushrooms before you add any butter. Fat first traps the water and you end up steaming them gray instead of browning them.

You need

• 1 1/4 lb (570 g) skinless cod or haddock loin, cut into 12 pieces roughly 2 x 3 inch
• 2 quarts peanut or canola oil for frying
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour for dusting
• 12 slider buns, toasted
• 2 cups finely shredded iceberg or Little Gem lettuce
• Lemon wedges
• BATTER: 1 cup all-purpose flour
• BATTER: 1/4 cup cornstarch
• BATTER: 1 tsp baking powder
• BATTER: 1 tsp kosher salt
• BATTER: 3/4 to 1 cup cold lager, or cold seltzer to keep it alcohol-free, straight from the fridge
• TARTAR: 3/4 cup mayonnaise
• TARTAR: 3 tbsp finely chopped cornichons or dill pickle
• TARTAR: 1 tbsp capers, rinsed and chopped
• TARTAR: 1 tbsp minced shallot
• TARTAR: 1 tbsp chopped fresh dill
• TARTAR: 2 tsp lemon juice
• TARTAR: 1 tsp pickle brine
• TARTAR: 1/2 tsp Dijon mustard, black pepper

Method

1. Stir all tartar ingredients together, taste for acid, and refrigerate 30 minutes. It needs that time for the shallot to stop shouting. Keeps 5 days.
2. Pat the fish completely dry and salt it lightly. Cold, dry fish batters cleanly; wet fish sheds its coat in the oil.
3. Fill a heavy pot no more than one-third with oil and heat to 360F/182C. Set a rack over a sheet pan next to the stove and keep a lid within reach.
4. Whisk the dry batter ingredients, then add the cold lager or seltzer just before frying and whisk to the texture of thin pancake batter. Lumps are fine. Overmixing is not.
5. Dust each piece of fish in plain flour, shake off the excess, dip in batter, let it drip for a second, and lower it away from you into the oil.
6. Fry 3 or 4 pieces at a time for 3 to 4 minutes, turning once, until the crust is deep gold and rigid and the fish reads 145F/63C on an instant-read thermometer. Bring the oil back to 360F between batches.
7. Drain on the rack and salt immediately. Build with tartar on both buns, shredded lettuce, fish on top so the crust stays out of the sauce, lemon squeezed over.

From behind the bar: Mix the batter at the last second with beer or seltzer straight from the fridge, and keep the bowl over ice if the kitchen is warm. Warm batter goes greasy and slides off the fish.

You need

• 2 lb chicken wings, split into flats and drumettes
• 2 tsp aluminum-free baking powder
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 3/4 cup ketchup
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• 3 tbsp dark brown sugar
• 1 tbsp molasses
• 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• 2 tsp smoked paprika (for the sauce)
• 1 tsp mustard powder
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt (for the sauce)

Method

1. Pat the wings bone-dry with paper towels. Toss with the baking powder, salt, black pepper, smoked paprika and garlic powder until evenly coated.
2. Lay them in a single layer on a wire rack set over a sheet pan and refrigerate uncovered for at least 4 hours, ideally overnight. Dry skin is the entire trick, and that time is not counted in the clock below.
3. Combine the ketchup, vinegar, brown sugar, molasses, Worcestershire, smoked paprika, mustard powder, cayenne and salt in a small saucepan. Simmer over low heat 10 to 12 minutes until it coats a spoon. Hold warm.
4. Heat the oven to 250F (120C) with a rack in the lower third. Bake the wings on their rack for 30 minutes to render the fat out of the skin.
5. Move the pan to the upper third and raise the oven to 425F (220C). Bake 40 to 50 minutes, flipping once halfway, until deep golden.
6. Check the thickest part of a drumette away from the bone. Chicken is safe at 165F (74C); wings eat far better pulled at 175 to 185F (80 to 85C), when the collagen has given up.
7. Drop the oven to 350F (175C). Toss the hot wings with two thirds of the sauce, return them to the rack and bake 5 to 7 minutes to set the glaze. That sauce is mostly sugar and it will scorch at 425F. Serve the rest alongside.

From behind the bar: Trust the thermometer, not the color. 165F/74C is the safety floor for chicken, but wings only stop being chewy somewhere north of 175F.

You need

• 2 lb chicken wings, split into flats and drumettes
• 2 quarts peanut or vegetable oil, for frying
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 cup Frank's RedHot or similar cayenne pepper sauce
• 4 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1 tsp white vinegar
• 1/2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 pinch cayenne
• 1 cup blue cheese dressing and 6 celery ribs, cut into sticks, to serve

Method

1. Pat the wings completely dry and season lightly with salt. If you have an hour, leave them uncovered on a rack in the fridge; drier skin means less spitting and a harder crust.
2. Heat the oil in a heavy pot to 375F (190C) on a deep-fry thermometer. Fill the pot no more than halfway. Keep a lid within reach and never move a pot of hot oil.
3. Fry in batches of 8 to 10 for 10 to 12 minutes, holding the oil between 350 and 365F, until the skin is hard and golden. Internal temperature should read 175F (80C); 165F (74C) is the minimum safe reading.
4. Drain on a wire rack, not paper towels. Let the oil climb back to 375F before the next batch or the second round comes out greasy.
5. Melt the butter in a saucepan over low heat. Whisk in the hot sauce, vinegar, Worcestershire and cayenne until glossy and emulsified. Do not let it boil.
6. Toss the wings with the sauce in a large bowl immediately before serving, and serve with blue cheese and celery.

From behind the bar: Buffalo sauce breaks when the pan runs hot. Keep it under a simmer, and if it splits anyway, pull it off the heat and whisk in a teaspoon of cold butter.

You need

• 2 lb chicken wings, split into flats and drumettes
• 1 tbsp Shaoxing wine
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp ground white pepper
• 1 tsp grated fresh ginger
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 2 quarts peanut or vegetable oil, for frying
• 1 tbsp whole white peppercorns
• 1 tsp Sichuan peppercorns
• 2 tsp kosher salt (for the pepper salt)
• 1/2 tsp Chinese five-spice powder
• 2 tbsp neutral oil
• 4 cloves garlic, finely minced
• 1 red chili, thinly sliced
• 1 jalapeno, thinly sliced
• 3 scallions, whites and greens separated, sliced

Method

1. Toss the wings with the Shaoxing wine, salt, white pepper and ginger. Cover and leave 30 minutes in the fridge. Raw chicken does not sit on the counter.
2. Toast the white and Sichuan peppercorns in a dry skillet over medium heat for 1 to 2 minutes, until you can smell them. Cool, then grind with the 2 tsp salt and the five-spice. Set this pepper salt aside.
3. Dredge the wings in cornstarch and shake off every bit of excess. Caked cornstarch fries into paste.
4. Heat the frying oil to 325F (163C) in a heavy pot filled no more than halfway. Fry in batches for 8 to 9 minutes until pale gold and cooked through, 175F (80C) at the thickest point; 165F (74C) is the safety minimum. Rest on a rack for 5 minutes.
5. Raise the oil to 375F (190C) and fry the wings a second time, 2 to 3 minutes, until deep gold and hard-crisp. Drain on the rack.
6. Heat the 2 tbsp neutral oil in a wok or wide skillet over medium-high. Add the garlic, chilies and scallion whites and stir 30 to 45 seconds, until fragrant but not browned.
7. Add the wings and 2 to 3 tsp of the pepper salt. Toss hard for 30 seconds, kill the heat, fold in the scallion greens and serve. Keep the leftover pepper salt on the table.

From behind the bar: Toast the peppercorns whole and grind them yourself. Pre-ground white pepper is dust with no top notes, and this dish is mostly top notes.

You need

• 2 lb chicken wings, split into flats and drumettes
• 2 tsp aluminum-free baking powder
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/3 cup honey
• 1/3 cup cayenne pepper hot sauce
• 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 1 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 2 tbsp cold unsalted butter, cubed

Method

1. Pat the wings very dry and toss with the baking powder, salt and garlic powder until there are no white patches left.
2. Arrange them skin side up in the air fryer basket in a single layer, not touching. Work in two batches if you have to; a crowded basket steams.
3. Air fry at 380F (193C) for 12 minutes. Flip the wings, raise to 400F (205C) and cook another 8 to 10 minutes until browned and blistered.
4. Check the thickest wing: 175F (80C) is the target, 165F (74C) is the safety minimum for chicken.
5. While they cook, combine the honey, hot sauce, vinegar, pepper flakes and cayenne in a small saucepan. Simmer gently 3 to 4 minutes until it coats a spoon, then pull it off the heat and whisk in the cold butter.
6. Toss the hot wings in the glaze. For a sticky finish rather than a wet one, return them to the basket for 2 minutes at 400F and watch them; honey goes from lacquer to carbon quickly.
7. Rest 2 minutes before eating. That glaze is molten sugar and it does not forgive impatience.

From behind the bar: Do not crowd the basket. Wings need air on all sides, and two honest batches beat one sad steamed pile every time.

You need

• 2 lb chicken wings, split into flats and drumettes
• 1/4 cup fish sauce
• 1/4 cup superfine or granulated sugar
• 4 cloves garlic, crushed
• 2 tbsp water
• 3 tbsp neutral oil
• 2 tbsp thinly sliced garlic
• 3/4 cup rice flour
• 2 quarts peanut or vegetable oil, for frying
• 1 tsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp chopped cilantro
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes (optional)
• 2 limes, cut into wedges, to serve

Method

1. Whisk the fish sauce, sugar and crushed garlic until the sugar dissolves. Add the wings, seal in a bag or covered bowl, and marinate in the fridge 4 to 24 hours.
2. Drain the wings over a bowl and keep the marinade. Pat the wings until they are tacky rather than wet.
3. Pour the reserved marinade into a small saucepan with the 2 tbsp water. Bring it to a hard rolling boil and reduce 5 to 8 minutes to a loose syrup. It held raw chicken, so it has to boil properly. Stir in the lime juice and keep it warm.
4. Warm the 3 tbsp neutral oil in a small pan over medium heat and fry the sliced garlic 2 to 3 minutes until pale gold. Lift it onto paper towels early; it keeps cooking and burnt garlic is bitter.
5. Dredge the wings in rice flour and shake off the excess. Heat the frying oil to 350F (177C) in a heavy pot filled no more than halfway.
6. Fry in batches for 12 to 14 minutes until deep gold and 175F (80C) internal; 165F (74C) is the safety floor for chicken. Sugar clings to the skin from the marinade, so go by temperature and pull them early if the color runs ahead. Drain on a wire rack.
7. Toss the hot wings with the glaze, the fried garlic, the cilantro and the pepper flakes if you want them. Serve immediately with lime wedges.

From behind the bar: Stop reducing while the glaze still runs off a spoon. It sets much thicker as it cools; if it seizes up, loosen it with a spoonful of hot water.

You need

• 4 century eggs (pidan)
• 5 oz ground pork
• 3-inch piece young ginger, peeled and julienned fine
• 3 shallots, sliced thin
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 1 tbsp palm sugar
• 5 bird's eye chilies, sliced
• 2 tbsp dried shrimp, rinsed
• 3 tbsp roasted peanuts, roughly crushed
• Cilantro and mint to finish

Method

1. Peel the century eggs, rinse, and quarter them. Chill them while you work. Any ammonia smell blows off within a minute of cutting.
2. Bring a small pot of water to a bare simmer. Break the ground pork in and poach it, stirring, until it reaches 160F/71C on a thermometer, about 4 minutes. Drain and cool.
3. Soak the julienned ginger in cold water for 10 minutes to take the burn off, then drain hard.
4. Whisk fish sauce, lime, palm sugar and chilies until the sugar is gone.
5. Toss pork, ginger, shallot, dried shrimp and half the peanuts with the dressing.
6. Lay the egg quarters on the plate, spoon the pork mixture over, and finish with the rest of the peanuts, cilantro and mint.

Where you'd actually eat it: Yaowarat and Talat Noi, at the Thai-Chinese places with fluorescent tube lighting and plastic stools. Eaten by men in their sixties with a bottle of Hong Thong, soda and a bucket of ice.

From behind the bar: Young ginger only. Old ginger is fibrous and turns this into chewing on rope. Any Chinese grocer stocks both.

You need

• 1 can (about 5-7 oz) mackerel or sardines in tomato sauce
• 2 stalks lemongrass, tender core only, sliced paper-thin
• 4 shallots, sliced thin
• 4-8 bird's eye chilies, sliced
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 tsp toasted chili powder (phrik pon khua)
• Large handful mint leaves
• Handful sawtooth coriander or cilantro, chopped
• 2 scallions, sliced

Method

1. Open the can. Tip out about half the tomato sauce and keep the rest. Break the fish into large chunks with a fork and do not turn it to paste.
2. Slice the lemongrass as thin as you physically can, crosswise. Thick lemongrass is inedible and will end the dish.
3. Mix lime juice, fish sauce, sugar and chili powder with the reserved tomato sauce from the can.
4. Toss lemongrass, shallot, chilies and scallion in the dressing.
5. Fold the fish in with two turns, no more.
6. Pile mint and sawtooth coriander on top and eat it straight from the bowl.

Where you'd actually eat it: Convenience-store food dressed up. Made on the sidewalk outside 7-Eleven, in dorm rooms, and in every beer bar too lazy to run a kitchen after 1am. Drunk with whatever large bottle is coldest.

From behind the bar: Tomato sauce, not oil, not water. Thai brands are Roza and Three Lady Cooks; any Portuguese sardine in tomato works the same.

You need

• 1 lb beef skirt, flank or sirloin, in one piece
• 2 tbsp fish sauce plus 1 tbsp for the dressing
• 4 tbsp lime juice
• 3 tbsp khao khua (toasted sticky rice powder)
• 1-2 tbsp toasted chili flakes
• 5 shallots, sliced thin
• 4 scallions, sliced
• Large handful mint leaves
• Handful cilantro
• 1 tsp palm sugar

Method

1. Rub the beef with 2 tbsp fish sauce and leave it 30 minutes at room temperature.
2. Make khao khua if you do not have it: toast raw sticky rice in a dry skillet over medium heat, shaking constantly, 10 to 12 minutes until deep tobacco brown, then grind to coarse sand. It should smell like popcorn and smoke.
3. Grill over hot charcoal, hard, 3 to 4 minutes a side for medium-rare, 130-135F/54-57C internal. Take it to 145F/63C with a 3-minute rest if you want the USDA number for whole-muscle beef. Rest 5 minutes and keep every drop that runs out.
4. Slice thin against the grain.
5. Mix the resting juices with lime, the remaining fish sauce, palm sugar and chili flakes.
6. Toss the beef with shallot, scallion and dressing. Add the khao khua last, then the mint and cilantro, then serve immediately or the rice powder goes to paste.

Where you'd actually eat it: Isaan beer bars around Victory Monument and the Ari back sois, the ones with a charcoal grill on the sidewalk and a karaoke screen inside. Beer over ice, or Hong Thong and soda if the night runs long.

From behind the bar: Grind the khao khua coarse. Fine powder disappears; coarse gives you the grit that makes the dish.

You need

• 1 lb fresh bamboo shoots, or 1 lb canned shredded bamboo
• 1/2 cup yanang leaf juice (frozen, from a Thai grocer), optional
• 3 tbsp pla ra (fermented fish sauce)
• 3 tbsp khao khua (toasted sticky rice powder)
• 1-2 tbsp toasted chili flakes
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 4 shallots, sliced
• Handful phak phaeo (Vietnamese coriander), chopped
• Handful scallion and cilantro
• 2 cloves garlic

Method

1. Hazard, read this: fresh bamboo shoots contain cyanogenic compounds. Peel, slice, and boil them uncovered in plenty of water for a full 20 minutes, then drain and boil again in fresh water for 10 more. Canned shoots are already processed and need only a rinse and a 5-minute boil.
2. Shred the cooked shoots along the grain into threads, or pound them in a mortar until they fray.
3. Boil the pla ra with 1/2 cup water for 5 minutes and strain out the bones. Do not use it raw. Raw pla ra is a documented liver-fluke route and this is not optional in a home kitchen.
4. If you have yanang juice, simmer the shredded bamboo in it for 10 minutes until the whole thing goes green-brown. If you do not, skip it and add an extra tablespoon of khao khua for body.
5. Pound the garlic and chili flakes in a mortar, then work in the bamboo, strained pla ra, fish sauce and lime.
6. Fold in shallot, phak phaeo, scallion and cilantro, then the khao khua last. Serve warm with sticky rice.

Where you'd actually eat it: Sold from the same cart as the papaya salad, all over Wang Lang and Klong Toei. Isaan crews eat it at dusk with lao khao poured into shot glasses that never get washed.

From behind the bar: No yanang and no phak phaeo? Use canned bamboo and mint plus cilantro. It will be a lesser dish but an honest one.

You need

• 1 lb green papaya, peeled and shredded
• 4 tbsp pla ra (fermented fish sauce)
• 2 small fermented rice-field crabs (pu na dong), pasteurized, see steps
• 6-12 bird's eye chilies
• 4 cloves garlic
• 2 tbsp palm sugar
• 4 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp fish sauce
• 6 yard-long beans, cut in 2-inch lengths
• 6 cherry tomatoes, halved
• 2 tbsp dried shrimp

Method

1. Hazard, read this before you shop: raw fermented rice-field crab carries lung fluke and raw pla ra carries liver fluke. Both are real and both are common in northeast Thailand. Boil the pla ra with 1/2 cup water for 5 minutes and strain. Buy crab only if it is sold pasteurized, or leave it out and add 1 extra tbsp of the boiled pla ra plus another spoonful of dried shrimp. Home freezing does not reliably kill flukes.
2. Pound garlic and chilies in a clay or wooden mortar to a rough paste. Add palm sugar and pound until it dissolves.
3. Add the yard-long beans and bruise them until they split. Add tomatoes and crush lightly.
4. Add the strained pla ra, fish sauce and lime. Taste. It should be aggressively salty and sour with almost no sweetness.
5. Add the papaya and dried shrimp. Pound and turn with a spoon in the same motion, about 20 strokes, until the papaya is bruised but still has snap.
6. Tip into a bowl, crab on top if you are using it, and eat with sticky rice and something cold.

Where you'd actually eat it: The Isaan tam stalls around Bang Kapi and Lat Phrao that stay open until the last songthaew. Ordered by people who send it back for being too mild. Beer over ice, or lao khao if the crowd is from Ubon.

From behind the bar: Shred the papaya by hand with a cleaver or a Thai peeler for ragged edges. A box grater gives you wet mush that will not hold dressing.

You need

• 2 pig ears
• 2 star anise
• 3 tbsp light soy sauce
• 1 tbsp salt
• 4 slices galangal
• 1 cup rice flour
• 1 tsp white pepper
• 4 cups neutral oil for frying
• Nam jim jaew for serving: 2 tbsp fish sauce, 2 tbsp lime, 1 tbsp toasted chili flakes, 1 tbsp khao khua, 1 tsp palm sugar, sliced scallion

Method

1. Prep the ears properly: scrape both sides with a knife, singe off any remaining bristle over a gas flame or with a kitchen torch, and scrub under cold running water. Do this or the dish is unpleasant.
2. Simmer the ears with star anise, galangal, soy and salt in water to cover for 90 minutes, until a skewer slides through the thickest part with no resistance.
3. Cool them completely, then press between two plates under a weight in the fridge for at least 2 hours. Cold, firm ears slice cleanly.
4. Slice as thin as you can manage, about 1/8 inch. Pat them bone dry. Wet ears in hot oil erupt.
5. Toss in rice flour and white pepper, shake off the excess, and fry at 350F/175C in small batches for 3 to 4 minutes until blistered and deep gold. Stand back and keep a lid within reach.
6. Drain on a rack. Mix the jaew and serve it in a saucer alongside, not poured over.

Where you'd actually eat it: Wet-market butchers sell ears for almost nothing, which is why this is bar food and not restaurant food. Charoen Krung and Talat Phlu, on plastic stools, with Chang and a bucket of ice.

From behind the bar: Do the braise and the press the day before. Then it is a ten-minute dish and you can make it twice in one night.

You need

• 1 lb pork liver
• 1 cup milk for soaking
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 4 tbsp lime juice
• 3 tbsp khao khua (toasted sticky rice powder)
• 1-2 tbsp toasted chili flakes
• 1 tsp palm sugar
• 5 shallots, sliced thin
• 3 scallions, sliced
• Large handful mint
• Handful cilantro
• 1 tbsp neutral oil

Method

1. Buy liver from a butcher you trust and use it the day you buy it. Trim off any tubes and the outer membrane.
2. Soak the liver in milk for 30 minutes to pull the bitterness, then rinse and pat completely dry.
3. Slice into pieces about 1/4 inch thick.
4. Sear in a very hot pan with 1 tbsp oil, in batches so nothing steams, about 90 seconds a side. Cook it through to 160F/71C, the USDA number for organ meat. In Isaan there is a raw version. Do not make the raw version at home.
5. Slice the seared liver on the bias while it is still hot and put it in a bowl with whatever juices came out of the pan.
6. Dress with fish sauce, lime, palm sugar and chili flakes, then toss with shallot and scallion. Add khao khua, mint and cilantro at the very end and serve warm.

Where you'd actually eat it: Isaan drinking shacks in the Ratchada and Huai Khwang side sois, where a plate of liver costs less than the beer that comes with it. Rice whiskey and soda, poured by whoever sits nearest the bucket.

From behind the bar: Overcooked liver goes to chalk in about twenty seconds. Pull it at 160F/71C and dress it immediately; carryover finishes the job.

You need

• 1 chicken, about 3 lb, butterflied, or 2 lb thighs and drumsticks
• 6 cloves garlic
• 6 cilantro roots, or the stems of a large bunch
• 1 tbsp white peppercorns
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp oyster sauce
• 1 tsp ground turmeric, optional, for color
• 2 tbsp palm sugar
• 1/2 cup coconut milk
• Nam jim jaew for serving: 3 tbsp fish sauce, 3 tbsp lime, 2 tbsp toasted chili flakes, 2 tbsp khao khua, 1 tbsp palm sugar, sliced shallot and cilantro

Method

1. Pound garlic, cilantro root and white peppercorns to a paste in a mortar. This paste is the dish; a food processor gives you a bruise instead of a paste, so use the mortar if you own one.
2. Mix the paste with fish sauce, oyster sauce, turmeric, palm sugar and coconut milk. Rub it into the chicken under the skin as well as over it. Marinate overnight in the fridge, minimum 4 hours.
3. Bank the charcoal to one side. You want a cooler zone running 250-300F/120-150C.
4. Lay the chicken skin side up on the cool side, cover, and cook 35 to 45 minutes, basting with the leftover marinade every 15 minutes. Stop basting for the last 10 minutes so the raw marinade cooks off.
5. Move it over the coals skin down for 3 to 5 minutes to blacken and crisp. Watch it; the sugar in the marinade burns fast.
6. Check the thickest part of the thigh, away from bone: 165F/74C. Rest 10 minutes, then hack it apart with a cleaver. Serve with jaew and sticky rice.

Where you'd actually eat it: The kai yang and som tam carts that set up outside every Bangkok office block at 5pm and are still there at 11. Bought by the half bird, eaten off the paper it came in, with large Leo and ice.

From behind the bar: Cilantro root is the whole point of the marinade. Frozen roots are at every Thai grocer; if you can only find the herb, use a packed half cup of the lower stems.

You need

• 1 whole fish, 1.5-2 lb: tilapia, sea bass or snapper, scaled and gutted
• 2 cups coarse salt
• 2 stalks lemongrass, bruised
• 4 pandan leaves, or 6 more lemongrass stalks
• 1 long bamboo skewer
• Nam jim seafood for serving: 6 cloves garlic, 6 bird's eye chilies, 1/2 cup cilantro with stems, 4 tbsp lime juice, 3 tbsp fish sauce, 1 tbsp sugar

Method

1. Rinse and dry the fish. Stuff the cavity tight with bruised lemongrass and pandan. Run the skewer in through the mouth and out at the tail if you want to grill it standing.
2. Wet the coarse salt with just enough water to clump it like wet sand, then pack it onto both sides of the fish in a layer about a quarter inch thick. It will look like too much salt. It is not; almost none of it gets through the skin.
3. Get a charcoal fire to medium, coals ashed over. Grill the fish about 8 inches off the coals, 15 to 20 minutes a side, turning once with two spatulas.
4. Test at the thickest point behind the head: 145F/63C and the flesh flakes cleanly off the bone.
5. Pound garlic, chilies and cilantro to a rough paste, then mix in lime, fish sauce and sugar. It should be sharp enough to make you flinch.
6. Crack the salt crust off with the back of a spoon and brush the fish clean before anyone eats. Serve with lettuce leaves, mint and the dip.

Where you'd actually eat it: Open-air riverside drinking sheds along the Chao Phraya and out toward Nonthaburi, where the fish comes to the table on a plank. Ordered for the whole table with Sangsom, Coke and a bag of ice.

From behind the bar: Do not use fine salt. It penetrates and you end up with a fish nobody can eat. Coarse or kosher only.

You need

• 2 lb blood cockles, or littleneck or manila clams
• 6 cloves garlic
• 8-12 bird's eye chilies, green preferred
• 1/2 cup cilantro, stems included
• 4 tbsp lime juice
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 1 tsp finely grated ginger, optional

Method

1. Hazard, and this one matters: blood cockles are filter feeders and a documented route for hepatitis A and vibrio. Bangkok stalls blanch them twenty seconds and serve them bloody. Do not do that at home. Buy them frozen or from a reputable Asian fishmonger, never off a warm counter.
2. Scrub the shells hard under cold running water and discard any that are cracked or that stay open when tapped.
3. Boil a large pot of water. Add the cockles, and once the shells open, hold them at a full boil for 3 more minutes. Discard any that never open. Do not serve this to anyone pregnant, immunocompromised, or with liver disease.
4. Pound garlic, chilies and cilantro in a mortar to a rough green paste, not a smooth one.
5. Stir in lime juice, fish sauce and sugar. It should be violently sour and salty; the cockles bring the sweetness.
6. Pile the cockles in a bowl, still in their shells, and put the dip in a saucer. Everyone shucks their own.

Where you'd actually eat it: The shellfish carts on Chinatown's Soi Nana strip and around Bang Rak, working past 1am with a steel pot and a stack of saucers. Federbrau or Singha, poured over ice until it is barely beer.

From behind the bar: Frozen blood cockles are at most large Thai and Vietnamese grocers and are the safer buy. Manila clams are the honest substitute if you cannot get them.

You need

• 12 oz ground pork
• 4 cilantro roots or a handful of stems
• 4 cloves garlic
• 1 tsp white peppercorns
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 egg white
• 3 tbsp finely chopped water chestnut
• 4 oz fresh thin egg noodles, or dried rice vermicelli
• 4 cups neutral oil for frying
• Sriracha or plum sauce for serving

Method

1. Pound cilantro root, garlic and white peppercorns to a paste. Mix into the pork with fish sauce, sugar, egg white and water chestnut. Work it with your hand for a minute until it turns sticky and holds together.
2. Chill the mixture 20 minutes, then roll into balls about 1 inch across. Wet hands stop it sticking.
3. If using dried vermicelli, soak in warm water until pliable but not soft, about 4 minutes, then drain very well and pat dry. Fresh egg noodle needs only to be pulled into single strands.
4. Wind noodle around each ball, overlapping, until it is fully caged. Two or three strands per ball. Press the ends into the pork so they do not unravel.
5. Fry at 325F/163C, not hotter, for 5 to 6 minutes, turning, until the noodle is gold and the pork reads 160F/71C. Higher heat burns the noodle before the middle cooks.
6. Drain on a rack and serve hot with sriracha or plum sauce.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old-school Thai-Chinese restaurants around Sam Yan and Silom that still run a full drinking menu at 10pm. Ordered by office groups on the second bottle, before anyone admits they are staying out.

From behind the bar: Dry the noodles properly before wrapping. Wet strands slide off in the oil and you get bald meatballs and a pot full of debris.

You need

• 8 eggs
• 8 bamboo skewers, soaked
• 1 tbsp fish sauce (for the filled version)
• 2 scallions, sliced fine (for the filled version)
• Nam jim jaew for serving: 3 tbsp fish sauce, 3 tbsp lime, 2 tbsp toasted chili flakes, 2 tbsp khao khua, 1 tsp palm sugar, sliced shallot

Method

1. Simple version: push a soaked skewer through each raw egg lengthwise, entering at the narrow end. Go slow and straight; the shell cracks if you twist.
2. Filled version, which is better: tap a nickel-sized hole in the fat end of each egg, tip the contents into a bowl, beat with fish sauce and scallion, and spoon it back in through the hole using a funnel or a piped bag. Leave a little headspace. Seal the hole with a scrap of foil, then skewer.
3. Set the eggs over low charcoal, coals well ashed over, about 8 inches up. High heat makes them burst.
4. Turn every 2 to 3 minutes for 15 to 20 minutes total. The shell will scorch in patches; that is correct. Stand off to the side while they cook and do not leave them unattended.
5. They are done when an egg feels solid and slightly light when tapped. Crack one to check: uniform pale yellow all the way through, no wet center.
6. Peel, quarter, and dip in jaew.

Where you'd actually eat it: Night-market carts and school-gate vendors that migrate to the beer strips after dark. Sold three to a skewer for pocket change and eaten standing up between Chang bottles.

From behind the bar: Any egg that hisses or weeps from a crack is about to go. Pull it off the fire and let it cool before it takes an eyebrow with it.

You need

• 8 oz lump crab meat, picked over
• 8 oz ground pork
• 4 blue crab top shells, cleaned, or 6 scallop shells or small ramekins
• 4 cilantro roots
• 5 cloves garlic
• 1 tsp white peppercorns
• 2 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tsp sugar
• 2 eggs, one for the mix and one beaten for the wash
• 3 tbsp finely chopped scallion
• 4 cups neutral oil for frying
• Sriracha or nam jim buay (plum sauce) for serving

Method

1. Pound cilantro root, garlic and white peppercorns to a paste. Mix into the pork with fish sauce, sugar, one egg and the scallion, then fold in the crab meat last so it stays in pieces.
2. Scrub the crab shells out with a brush and boiling water, or use scallop shells or small ramekins. Pack the mixture in, mounding it slightly and smoothing the top.
3. Steam over boiling water for 10 to 12 minutes, until the filling is firm and reads 160F/71C in the center.
4. Cool them until they stop steaming. Warm filling holds together; hot filling slumps in the oil.
5. Brush the tops generously with beaten egg.
6. Fry face down at 350F/175C for 2 to 3 minutes until the egg-washed top is deep gold. Lift out with a spider, drain on a rack, and serve with sriracha or plum sauce.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ordered late at the seafood-and-beer houses off Sukhumvit and around Ekkamai, when the table decides to spend real money. Goes with cold Singha or a whisky set with plenty of soda.

From behind the bar: Steam ahead and fry to order. They keep two days in the fridge and go from cold to the table in five minutes.

You need

• 1.5 lb pork small intestine, cleaned
• 1/2 cup salt for scrubbing
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour for scrubbing
• 2 tbsp vinegar
• 4 slices galangal
• 2 pandan leaves or 2 stalks lemongrass
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 1 tsp white pepper
• 4 cloves garlic, pounded
• Nam jim jaew for serving: 3 tbsp fish sauce, 3 tbsp lime, 2 tbsp toasted chili flakes, 2 tbsp khao khua, 1 tsp palm sugar, sliced shallot and scallion

Method

1. The cleaning is the whole job and there is no shortcut. Run water through each length, then turn the intestine inside out over a chopstick. Strip off the heavy interior fat with your fingers.
2. Scrub inside and out with salt and flour, working it hard, then rinse. Repeat with vinegar. Run the whole cycle three times, until the water runs clear and there is no smell left. If it still smells, do it again. Wash your hands, board and sink down afterward; raw offal cross-contaminates everything it touches.
3. Simmer with galangal and pandan or lemongrass in water to cover for 45 to 60 minutes, until a knife tip goes in with light resistance. Cool in the liquid.
4. Cut into 5-inch lengths and marinate with fish sauce, sugar, white pepper and pounded garlic for 30 minutes.
5. Grill over medium charcoal, turning often, 8 to 10 minutes, until the outside blisters and crisps and the inside reads 160F/71C. Crackling outside, yielding in the middle.
6. Cut into bite lengths with scissors and serve with jaew and raw cabbage.

Where you'd actually eat it: The 24-hour Isaan grill carts on Pracha Songkhro Road, working between the karaoke bars at 3am. Ordered by taxi drivers and people who should have gone home. Lao khao, or beer over ice.

From behind the bar: Buy intestine already cleaned from an Asian butcher if you can. It halves the work and still needs one salt-and-flour scrub before it goes in the pot.

You need

• 1 lb frozen pla krai (featherback) fish paste, thawed, or 1 lb skinless cod or tilapia, see steps
• 2 tbsp red curry paste
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 egg
• 6 makrut lime leaves, center rib removed, sliced into hairs
• 6 yard-long beans or 12 green beans, sliced into thin rounds
• 4 cups neutral oil for frying
• Ajat for serving: 1 cucumber diced, 2 shallots sliced, 2 red chilies sliced, 1/4 cup rice vinegar, 3 tbsp sugar, 1/2 tsp salt, 2 tbsp crushed peanuts

Method

1. Sourcing, be honest about it: frozen featherback paste sits in tubs in the freezer of any Thai or Vietnamese grocer and it is already the right texture. No tub? Blitz 1 lb cold white fish with 2 tbsp cornstarch and 1/2 tsp baking soda until smooth. The bounce will be softer. That is the trade.
2. Mix the paste with curry paste, fish sauce, sugar and egg, then slap the mixture against the side of the bowl with a wet hand for 5 to 10 minutes until it stiffens and pulls away clean. This is the dish. Skip it and you get fish patty, not thot man.
3. Fold in the lime leaf and the beans. Chill 30 minutes.
4. Warm the vinegar, sugar and salt until dissolved, cool it, then pour over cucumber, shallot and chili. Peanuts go on at the table.
5. With wet hands, form flat discs about 2.5 inches across and half an inch thick. Keep them thin or the middle stays raw.
6. Fry at 350F/175C, four at a time, 3 to 4 minutes, turning once, until deep gold and puffed. Internal 145F/63C. Lower the cakes in away from you; the mixture is wet and the oil will spit.

Where you'd actually eat it: The seafood-and-beer shophouses around Bang Rak and Ekkamai, first plate on the table while everyone is still deciding. Cold Singha, and the relish gets ignored by the second round.

From behind the bar: Fry a test cake first. If it spreads flat and soft in the oil, the paste was not beaten long enough. Go back and beat it.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700 g) pork neck/collar, in one piece
• 3 tbsp oyster sauce
• 2 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp dark soy sauce
• 2 tbsp palm sugar, chopped
• 6 garlic cloves, crushed
• 3 cilantro roots or 6 stems, crushed
• 1 tsp ground white pepper
• 2 tbsp lime juice (jaew)
• 2 tbsp fish sauce (jaew)
• 1 tbsp tamarind concentrate (jaew)
• 1 tbsp palm sugar (jaew)
• 1 tbsp toasted rice powder, khao khua (jaew)
• 1-2 tsp dried chili flakes, phrik pon (jaew)
• 1 shallot, sliced thin (jaew)
• Cilantro and scallion, chopped (jaew)

Method

1. Blend oyster sauce, fish sauce, dark soy, palm sugar, garlic, cilantro root and white pepper. Rub over the pork, bag it, refrigerate 4 hours or overnight.
2. Pull the pork out 30 minutes before cooking. Build a medium charcoal fire, or heat a grill pan over medium.
3. Grill 5-6 minutes per side, moving it off direct heat if the sugar catches, until the center reads 145F/63C.
4. Rest 10 minutes on a board. This is not optional; cut it early and the juice ends up on the board.
5. Whisk the jaew: lime juice, fish sauce, tamarind, palm sugar until the sugar dissolves. Stir in rice powder, chili flakes, shallot and herbs just before serving.
6. Slice across the grain about 1/4 inch thick, fan it on a plate, serve the jaew alongside with raw cabbage and cucumber.

Where you'd actually eat it: Soi Rangnam, Ari, any mo-lam grill shop with plastic stools on the sidewalk. Hong Thong and soda over a full glass of ice, topped up by whoever sat down last.

From behind the bar: Toasted rice powder is the whole point of jaew. Toast raw sticky rice in a dry pan over medium until deep tan, 8 minutes, then grind. It goes stale fast.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700 g) ground pork, about 25% fat
• 1.5 cups cooked jasmine rice, cooled
• 12 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tbsp fine sea salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 tsp ground white pepper
• 1/4 tsp pink curing salt #1
• Hog casings, about 6 ft, rinsed
• Raw ginger, cut in cubes, to serve
• Green cabbage wedges, to serve
• Bird's eye chilies and raw peanuts, to serve

Method

1. Mix pork, rice, garlic, salt, sugar, white pepper and curing salt. Work it 2 minutes until sticky, keeping the bowl cold.
2. Stuff into casings and twist into 3-inch links. Prick each one a few times with a pin.
3. Ferment at 70-75F/21-24C for 1-2 days, hung or on a rack, loosely covered, until it smells distinctly sour. If the kitchen runs above 80F/27C, ferment in the fridge for 3 days instead.
4. Refrigerate as soon as it tastes right. Grill over low-medium charcoal, turning often, 15-20 minutes. They burst if you rush them.
5. Cook to an internal 160F/71C. Cut one open: the rice should be set, not pasty.
6. Serve on a plate with ginger cubes, cabbage, whole chilies and peanuts. No sauce needed.

Where you'd actually eat it: Cart grills outside Victory Monument and Ratchawat market, and every Isaan shop in town. Leo over ice, or lao khao if the table has already committed.

From behind the bar: Fermenting raw pork at room temperature is real charcuterie. Use the curing salt, keep everything cold while mixing, and throw it out if it smells of anything but sour.

You need

• 2 lb (900 g) chicken wings, split
• 1/4 cup fish sauce
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 1 tsp ground white pepper
• 1/2 cup rice flour
• 2 tbsp cornstarch
• 10 garlic cloves, sliced thin
• Neutral oil for frying
• Lime wedges
• Sliced bird's eye chilies (optional)

Method

1. Toss wings with fish sauce, sugar and white pepper. Refrigerate 30 minutes to 2 hours. Longer and they cure into something too salty.
2. Heat 2 inches of oil to 275F/135C. Fry the sliced garlic until pale gold, 2-3 minutes, then lift it out onto paper. It keeps browning off the heat.
3. Raise the oil to 350F/175C. Drain the wings, shake them in rice flour and cornstarch, knock off the excess.
4. Fry in batches 9-11 minutes, until deep amber and the thickest part reads 165F/74C. Keep the oil above 325F/163C between batches.
5. Drain 1 minute, then toss hot with the fried garlic and a pinch of white pepper.
6. Serve with lime wedges and chilies. Eat them immediately; the crust goes soft in ten minutes.

Where you'd actually eat it: Beer bars off Banthat Thong and the late shophouses on Charoen Krung. Chang or Leo, poured over ice, refilled before you notice.

From behind the bar: Dry the wings hard before the marinade. Water in the skin means a pale crust and a spitting pot.

You need

• 2 lb (900 g) chicken drumsticks and thighs, bone in
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp oyster sauce
• 2 tsp ground turmeric
• 1 tbsp ground coriander seed
• 1 tsp ground white pepper
• 6 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tbsp palm sugar
• 1/2 cup rice flour
• 6 shallots, sliced thin
• Neutral oil for frying
• Sweet chili sauce, to serve
• Sticky rice, to serve

Method

1. Mix fish sauce, oyster sauce, turmeric, coriander, white pepper, garlic and palm sugar. Coat the chicken and refrigerate 4 hours or overnight.
2. Heat 2 inches of oil to 275F/135C. Fry the shallots, stirring, 6-8 minutes until light gold, then drain on paper. They crisp as they cool.
3. Raise the oil to 325F/163C. Toss the chicken in rice flour, shaking off excess.
4. Fry 12-15 minutes, turning, until the crust is dark gold and the meat reads 165F/74C at the bone.
5. Drain, then scatter a heavy handful of fried shallots over the top while the chicken is still hot.
6. Serve with sticky rice and sweet chili sauce.

Where you'd actually eat it: Southern shops around Sam Yan and Bang Rak, and the Hat Yai chains that stay open past midnight. Beer over ice, or iced sweet coffee at 3am.

From behind the bar: Fry at 325F/163C, not hotter. Turmeric and sugar in the marinade will burn black before bone-in chicken is cooked through.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) ground pork, about 20% fat
• 2 tbsp toasted rice powder, khao khua
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tsp dried chili flakes, phrik pon
• 3 shallots, sliced thin
• 3 makrut lime leaves, sliced hair-thin
• 1/4 cup chopped scallion
• 1/4 cup chopped cilantro
• 1/4 cup chopped mint
• 1 tsp sugar
• Neutral oil for frying
• Lime wedges and raw cabbage, to serve

Method

1. Mix pork with rice powder, fish sauce, lime juice, chili flakes, sugar, shallots and makrut lime leaf. Fold in scallion, cilantro and mint last.
2. Fry a teaspoon of the mix in a pan and taste it cooked through. It should read too sour and too salty on its own.
3. Form 12 patties about 2 inches wide and 1/2 inch thick. Chill 15 minutes so they hold.
4. Heat 1.5 inches of oil to 350F/175C.
5. Fry in batches 4-5 minutes, turning once, until deep brown and the centers read 160F/71C.
6. Drain and serve with lime and raw cabbage leaves to cut the fat.

Where you'd actually eat it: Isaan shops in Din Daeng and around Jodd Fairs. Lao khao poured into shot glasses with a soda chaser, or a bucket of Leo shared four ways.

From behind the bar: Mint burns. Keep the oil at 350F/175C and pull the patties the moment they go dark brown, or the herbs turn bitter.

You need

• 3 cups cooked jasmine rice, cooled and dry
• 3 tbsp red curry paste
• 1/3 cup coconut milk
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup rice flour
• 6 oz (170 g) naem (Thai fermented pork) or Vietnamese nem chua, crumbled
• 1/4 cup roasted peanuts
• 2 tbsp minced fresh ginger
• 3 shallots, sliced
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tsp sugar
• Sliced bird's eye chilies, cilantro, scallion
• Neutral oil for frying

Method

1. Work curry paste, coconut milk, egg and salt into the cold rice until evenly red. Add rice flour until it holds a shape.
2. Form golf-ball rounds. Heat 2 inches of oil to 350F/175C and fry in batches 4-5 minutes until hard and dark gold. Drain.
3. Naem is a raw ferment. Unless the package says ready to eat, dry-fry the crumbles in a hot pan until they reach 160F/71C and lose their pink.
4. Crush the rice balls on a plate with the back of a spoon into rough shards.
5. Toss with naem, peanuts, ginger, shallots, lime juice, fish sauce and sugar.
6. Fold in chilies, cilantro and scallion. Serve at once with lettuce leaves for wrapping.

Where you'd actually eat it: Late shophouses in Yaowarat and the Isaan tables around Victory Monument. Whisky soda, tall glass, more ice than liquid.

From behind the bar: Day-old rice only. Fresh rice steams inside the ball and collapses into paste in the oil.

You need

• 4 whole dried squid, about 6 oz (170 g) total
• 1/2 cup Thai sweet chili sauce
• 2 tbsp tamarind concentrate
• 1 tbsp palm sugar
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tsp dried chili flakes
• 2 tbsp roasted peanuts, crushed

Method

1. Warm the sauce ingredients except peanuts in a small pan over low heat, 3 minutes, until the palm sugar dissolves. Cool, then stir in peanuts.
2. Build a low charcoal fire or heat a dry cast iron pan over medium-low.
3. Grill the squid 2-3 minutes per side, until it curls, puffs slightly and smells toasted. It goes leather if the heat is high.
4. Roll each one flat with a rolling pin, hard, pressing along the grain. This is what makes it edible.
5. Tear into strips with your hands, along the length.
6. Pile on a plate with the sauce in a bowl. Do not attempt this with a knife and fork.

Where you'd actually eat it: Handcart guys with a charcoal box and a hand roller, working the bar strips of Chinatown's Soi Nana and outside Ekkamai. Beer, always beer.

From behind the bar: Dried squid lives in the freezer section or the dry-goods aisle of any Thai, Viet or Korean market. Shredded dried cuttlefish is the shortcut if you cannot find whole.

You need

• 12 oz (340 g) head-on raw shrimp, sashimi grade
• 1/4 cup lime juice
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp palm sugar
• 8 garlic cloves
• 10-15 green bird's eye chilies
• 2 tbsp chopped cilantro stems
• Bitter melon, sliced paper-thin, to serve
• Raw garlic cloves and mint, to serve

Method

1. Buy shrimp labeled sashimi grade, or shrimp that has been frozen at -4F/-20C for 7 days. This dish is raw. There is no way around that.
2. Keep the shrimp on ice. Peel the bodies, leaving the head and tail on, and butterfly along the back. Pull the vein.
3. Pound garlic, chilies and cilantro stems to a rough paste, or pulse in a small processor.
4. Whisk in lime juice, fish sauce and palm sugar. Taste: sharp, salty, hot, barely sweet.
5. Arrange the shrimp cut side up on a cold plate over thin-sliced bitter melon.
6. Spoon the sauce over just before serving, with mint and whole garlic on the side. Serve within 10 minutes.

Where you'd actually eat it: Open-air seafood houses off Rama 9 and the night market seafood tables at Jodd Fairs. Cold Singha, or Regency brandy and soda if the table is older.

From behind the bar: If the fishmonger will not vouch for it raw, poach the shrimp 90 seconds until opaque and dress it the same way. Not the same dish, still a good one.

You need

• 2 lb (900 g) small clams, scrubbed and purged
• 3 tbsp nam phrik phao (Thai roasted chili paste; most brands contain dried shrimp)
• 6 garlic cloves, chopped
• 4 red bird's eye chilies, sliced
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp oyster sauce
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1/4 cup water or stock
• 2 cups Thai sweet basil leaves (horapha); holy basil, kaphrao, if that is what the shop has
• 3 tbsp neutral oil

Method

1. Soak the clams in salted water 30 minutes, then drain. Discard any that stay open when tapped.
2. Heat oil in a wok over the highest heat you have until it shimmers. Add garlic and fresh chilies, 20 seconds.
3. Add the chili paste and fry 30 seconds until it smells roasted and loosens.
4. Add the clams and the water, cover, and steam 3-5 minutes until the shells open. Discard any that stay shut.
5. Add fish sauce, oyster sauce and sugar. Toss hard for 30 seconds so the sauce coats.
6. Kill the heat, throw in the basil, toss twice and turn out into a bowl.

Where you'd actually eat it: Seafood shophouses along Charoen Krung and the beer gardens near Ratchada. Chang over ice; the sauce is salty enough to keep the bucket moving.

From behind the bar: Horapha is the anise-scented basil, and it is the standard here. Kaphrao, the peppery one from phat kaphrao, is a different plant and a different dish.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700 g) beef flank or sirloin
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp oyster sauce
• 1 tbsp palm sugar
• 1 tbsp ground coriander seed
• 1 tsp ground white pepper
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tbsp toasted sesame seeds
• Neutral oil for frying
• 2 tbsp lime juice (jaew)
• 2 tbsp fish sauce (jaew)
• 1 tbsp tamarind concentrate (jaew)
• 1 tbsp palm sugar (jaew)
• 1 tbsp toasted rice powder, khao khua (jaew)
• 2 tsp dried chili flakes (jaew)
• 1 shallot, sliced, and chopped cilantro (jaew)

Method

1. Slice the beef with the grain into strips about 1/4 inch thick, 3 inches long. With the grain, not across: you want chew.
2. Toss with fish sauce, oyster sauce, palm sugar, coriander, white pepper, garlic and sesame. Refrigerate 3 hours.
3. Dry on racks: dehydrator at 160F/71C for 4-5 hours, or an oven at its lowest setting up to 170F/77C with the door cracked, 2-3 hours. It should be leathery outside, still pliable.
4. The strips have to hit 160F/71C during drying. A 90-second fry will not get them there, so do not dry cooler than that.
5. Cool completely. At this stage it holds a week in the fridge.
6. Heat 1.5 inches of oil to 350F/175C and fry in batches 60-90 seconds, until the edges darken and the strips stop sputtering.
7. Drain and serve hot with the jaew whisked together in a bowl, rice powder and herbs stirred in last.

Where you'd actually eat it: Isaan grill shops and the ya dong corners around Talat Phlu and Wongwian Yai. Lao khao by the shot, chased with soda and a slice of pickled fruit.

From behind the bar: Fry it longer than 2 minutes and it turns into a shoe. The drying already cooked it; the oil is only there for color and crunch.

You need

• 2 packets Mama tom yum instant noodles, with seasoning
• 4 oz (115 g) ground pork
• 8 shrimp, peeled
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp fish sauce
• 2 tsp sugar
• 4-6 bird's eye chilies, sliced
• 1 small red onion, sliced
• 1 tomato, wedged
• 1 stalk Chinese celery, cut in 1-inch lengths, leaves included
• Cilantro, chopped
• 2 tbsp roasted peanuts (optional)

Method

1. Bring a small pot of water to a boil. Poach the ground pork 2 minutes until it reads 160F/71C, lift out. Poach the shrimp 90 seconds until opaque, lift out.
2. Boil the noodles in the same water 2 minutes only. They keep softening. Drain and rinse briefly under cold water, then shake dry.
3. In a big bowl whisk lime juice, fish sauce, sugar, chilies and one seasoning packet. Taste. Add the second packet only if it needs salt.
4. Add the noodles and toss with tongs until every strand is coated.
5. Fold in pork, shrimp, onion, tomato and celery.
6. Top with cilantro and peanuts. Eat within five minutes or it turns into a brick.

Where you'd actually eat it: Every neighborhood bar with a two-burner kitchen, and the 2am tables on Banthat Thong. Beer, or the last third of a bottle of SangSom with flat soda.

From behind the bar: One seasoning packet, not two. Between the packet, the fish sauce and the salt already in the noodles, it goes past salty into inedible fast.

You need

• 2 lb (900 g) pork spare ribs, cut in 2-inch pieces
• 10 cups water
• 2 stalks lemongrass, bruised and cut in lengths
• 4 slices galangal
• 6 makrut lime leaves, torn
• 4 shallots, halved
• 1/4 cup fish sauce
• 1/3 cup lime juice
• 2 tbsp toasted rice powder, khao khua
• 1-2 tbsp dried chili flakes, phrik pon
• 2 tsp sugar
• Culantro (sawtooth coriander), cilantro and scallion, chopped
• Enoki or straw mushrooms (optional)

Method

1. Cover the ribs with cold water, bring to a boil, boil 3 minutes, then drain and rinse. This is the difference between clear broth and gray broth.
2. Return the ribs to the pot with 10 cups fresh water. Simmer, not boil, 60-75 minutes until the meat pulls from the bone.
3. Add lemongrass, galangal, makrut lime leaf and shallots. Simmer 10 minutes more.
4. Add mushrooms if using, then take the pot off the heat. Everything sour goes in off the flame.
5. Stir in fish sauce, lime juice, sugar, chili flakes and toasted rice powder. Taste and push it further sour than feels right.
6. Throw in the herbs and serve straight from the pot, ladled into small bowls.

Where you'd actually eat it: Isaan shops in Din Daeng and Lat Phrao, ordered when the table is settling in for the long haul. Whisky soda; the broth is the chaser.

From behind the bar: Never boil the soup after the lime goes in. Heat turns fresh lime juice flat and slightly bitter within a minute.

You need

• 6 oz (170 g) khaep mu (Thai pork crackling), or good chicharrones
• 10 oz (280 g) mild green chilies, phrik num; Anaheim or Hatch are the honest substitute
• 4 hot green chilies, for heat
• 8 garlic cloves, unpeeled
• 4 shallots, unpeeled
• 1 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp lime juice
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 tbsp chopped cilantro
• Raw vegetables: cabbage, long beans, cucumber

Method

1. Char the chilies, garlic and shallots over open flame, under a broiler or in a dry cast iron pan over high heat. 8-12 minutes, turning, until blistered black in patches and soft.
2. Cover in a bowl 10 minutes, then peel the garlic and shallots and slip the loose skin off the chilies. Pull the chili stems; leave the seeds.
3. Pound in a mortar to a coarse, stringy paste. A processor works but pulse it, never puree.
4. Season with fish sauce, lime juice and salt. Taste. It should be smoky and salty first, hot second.
5. Stir in cilantro. Let it sit 20 minutes; the heat builds.
6. Serve in a bowl with the crackling and raw vegetables piled around it.

Where you'd actually eat it: Northern and Isaan shops around Ari and Ratchawat market. Crackling is sold in bags at every market in town. Beer over ice, or sato rice beer if the shop stocks it.

From behind the bar: Char the chilies until they look ruined. Underdone chilies give you a raw, grassy dip with none of the smoke that makes this worth eating.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) catfish fillets
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 green mango, shredded
• 3 shallots, sliced thin
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp fish sauce
• 2 tbsp palm sugar
• 4-6 bird's eye chilies, chopped
• 1/4 cup roasted cashews or peanuts
• Cilantro leaves
• Neutral oil for frying, about 4 cups

Method

1. Salt the fillets and bake at 375F/190C for 20 minutes, or grill them, until they read 145F/63C and flake.
2. Cool, then shred the flesh with two forks into fine threads. Pick out every bone.
3. Spread the shreds on a sheet pan and dry in a 200F/95C oven 45-60 minutes, tossing twice, until they feel like dry crumbs. Skip this and the oil will erupt.
4. Heat 2 inches of oil to 375F/190C. Drop in half the fish in one go; it will puff into a floating mat in about 45 seconds. Flip, count 20 seconds, lift with a spider onto paper.
5. Whisk lime juice, fish sauce, palm sugar and chilies until the sugar dissolves. Toss with green mango and shallots right before serving.
6. Set the fish rafts on a plate, pile the mango salad alongside, scatter nuts and cilantro. Do not dress the fish or it dies.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old-school Thai restaurants in Bang Rak and Thonglor, the kind with a fish tank and a waiter who has worked there twenty years. Whisky soda, tall.

From behind the bar: The fish must be bone dry before it hits the oil. Any moisture and you get a spitting pot and a soggy mat instead of a crisp one.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) pork loin or tenderloin
• 12 garlic cloves
• 10-15 green bird's eye chilies
• 1/4 cup lime juice
• 3 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 2 tbsp hot pork poaching liquid
• 1/2 head green cabbage, shredded
• Mint leaves
• Cilantro, chopped

Method

1. Freeze the pork 30 minutes, then slice as thin as you can manage, about 1/8 inch.
2. Bring a pot of water to a bare simmer, around 190F/88C. Poach the slices in batches 60-90 seconds, until they read 145F/63C and no pink remains at the center.
3. Lift onto a plate and let them cool to room temperature. Reserve a few spoons of the liquid.
4. Pound garlic and chilies to a paste in a mortar, or mince fine.
5. Whisk in lime juice, fish sauce, sugar and the hot poaching liquid. It should be aggressively sour and sharp with raw garlic.
6. Bed a plate with shredded cabbage, fan the pork over it, spoon the sauce across, finish with mint and cilantro. Serve cool.

Where you'd actually eat it: Seafood and Isaan shops citywide; the mild sibling of the raw-shrimp plate. Beer over ice, or a bottle of Hong Thong split across a table of four.

From behind the bar: Green chilies and green limes only. Red chilies make it sweeter and blunt, and the whole point of this plate is the sharp edge.

You need

• 2 cups raw skinless peanuts
• 10 garlic cloves, sliced thin
• 8 dried red chilies, snipped in half
• 12 makrut lime leaves, torn, stems removed
• 1 tsp fine sea salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• Neutral oil for frying, about 3 cups

Method

1. Heat 2 inches of oil to 300F/150C. Low and slow, or the peanuts brown outside and stay raw in the middle.
2. Fry the peanuts 6-8 minutes, stirring, until they are pale straw colored. Lift them out early; they darken several shades as they cool.
3. Raise the oil to 325F/163C. Fry the garlic 2 minutes to pale gold, lift out.
4. Fry the dried chilies 20 seconds, then the makrut lime leaves 15 seconds, until they stop sizzling. They go bitter fast.
5. Drain everything on paper. While still warm, toss with salt and sugar.
6. Cool fully before serving; the crunch only arrives at room temperature. Keeps a week in a sealed jar.

Where you'd actually eat it: Comes free at ya dong stalls and half the beer bars in town, in a small steel bowl. Lao khao, or a bottle of Leo you have not finished ordering food around.

From behind the bar: Fresh or frozen makrut lime leaves only. The dried ones go papery in the oil and taste of nothing.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) green papaya, peeled and shredded
• 4 garlic cloves
• 4-8 red bird's eye chilies
• 4 long beans, cut in 2-inch pieces
• 6 cherry tomatoes, halved
• 2 tbsp light soy sauce or coconut aminos
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp palm sugar
• 1 tbsp tamarind concentrate
• 1/4 cup roasted peanuts
• Raw cabbage wedges, to serve

Method

1. Shred the papaya on a julienne peeler or cut it the Thai way: hack the surface with a knife, then shave off the slivers. Soak in ice water 10 minutes, then drain hard.
2. In a clay or wooden mortar, pound garlic and chilies to a rough paste. Do not puree.
3. Add palm sugar, soy sauce, lime juice and tamarind. Pound and stir until the sugar dissolves.
4. Add long beans and bruise them with three or four strikes. Add tomatoes, bruise once.
5. Add the papaya and peanuts. Now switch to pounding lightly with one hand while turning with a spoon in the other, about 20 strokes, until it is dressed but still crunchy.
6. Taste, adjust sour and salt, serve cold with cabbage wedges alongside.

Where you'd actually eat it: Jay shops flying the yellow-and-red flag, all over Yaowarat and around markets citywide, plus every som tam cart that will make it to order. Beer, ice, no ceremony.

From behind the bar: Order som tam thai and you get dried shrimp; som tam pu gets fermented crab and pla ra. Only the jay version is meat-free. Strict jay also drops the garlic.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) extra-firm tofu, pressed 30 minutes
• 2 tbsp cornstarch
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup Thai sweet chili sauce (check the label for fish sauce)
• 2 tbsp roasted peanuts, crushed
• 2 tbsp cucumber, diced fine
• 1 tbsp shallot, minced
• 1 tbsp lime juice
• 1 tsp dried chili flakes (optional)
• Neutral oil for frying, about 3 cups
• Cilantro

Method

1. Press the tofu under a weight for 30 minutes, then cut into 1-inch cubes and pat completely dry.
2. Toss with cornstarch and salt in a bowl until each face is dusted.
3. Heat 2 inches of oil to 350F/175C.
4. Fry in two batches 5-7 minutes, moving them once the crust sets, until deep gold and the skins are wrinkled and hard. Drain on a rack, not paper.
5. Stir sweet chili sauce with lime juice, then top with peanuts, cucumber, shallot and chili flakes.
6. Serve the tofu hot with the sauce alongside and cilantro over the top.

Where you'd actually eat it: Cart food outside night markets and the standard jay-shop order; also the snack plate at Chinatown beer bars. Leo over ice, or soda water if you are pacing yourself.

From behind the bar: Read the sweet chili label. Several Thai brands slip fish sauce or shrimp extract into it. Most supermarket bottles do not, but check before you call it vegan.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) water spinach (phak bung, sold as ong choy); Asian grocers only, and yu choy is the closest stand-in for the crunchy stems
• 6 garlic cloves, roughly crushed
• 4 red bird's eye chilies, crushed
• 1 tbsp yellow bean sauce (tao jiao), mashed
• 1 tbsp vegan mushroom stir-fry sauce
• 1 tsp light soy sauce
• 1 tsp sugar
• 2 tbsp water
• 3 tbsp neutral oil with a high smoke point

Method

1. Wash and dry the greens completely. Wet greens steam instead of searing, and this dish is entirely about the sear.
2. Separate the thick stems from the leaves. Mix the sauces, sugar and water in a small bowl and keep it next to the stove.
3. Heat a wok over the highest flame you have until it smokes. Add the oil, swirl, then garlic and chilies for 10 seconds.
4. Add the stems, toss 20 seconds, then all the leaves at once. They will overflow the wok; press them down.
5. Pour the sauce down the side of the wok and toss hard for 45-60 seconds, until the leaves collapse and the stems are still crunchy.
6. Turn out immediately, draining off the water it throws. Ninety seconds total from oil to plate.

Where you'd actually eat it: Every open-front shophouse with a wok on the sidewalk, and jay shops during the October vegetarian festival. Beer over ice, ordered by the bucket.

From behind the bar: The standard shophouse version uses oyster and fish sauce. Vegan mushroom sauce plus tao jiao gets the same salty-funky base, and jay kitchens do exactly this.

You need

• 6 firm bananas, ideally Thai namwa; slightly underripe plantains work
• 1 cup rice flour
• 1/4 cup tapioca or all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
• 2 tbsp white sesame seeds
• 3 tbsp sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 cup coconut milk, plus water to loosen
• Neutral oil for frying, about 4 cups

Method

1. Whisk rice flour, tapioca flour, coconut, sesame, sugar and salt. Stir in coconut milk to a batter that coats a spoon thickly, adding water a spoon at a time.
2. Rest the batter 20 minutes. The rice flour needs to hydrate or the crust stays chalky.
3. Peel the bananas and cut lengthwise into thirds, or press them flat with the side of a knife.
4. Heat 2 inches of oil to 340F/170C.
5. Dip each piece, let the excess run off, and lower it into the oil. Fry 3-4 minutes, turning once, until dark gold and hard to the tap.
6. Drain on a rack. Eat them within twenty minutes; they are only good hot.

Where you'd actually eat it: Carts outside the bar strips of Banthat Thong and Ari, running until the drinkers thin out. Eaten standing up, waiting on a motorbike taxi.

From behind the bar: Traditional cart batter is rice flour and coconut milk, no egg and no butter. Some newer versions add egg for color, so ask before you assume.

You need

• 6 eggs
• 1/4 cup tamarind concentrate
• 1/4 cup palm sugar, chopped
• 2 tbsp light soy sauce
• 2 tbsp water
• 4 shallots, sliced thin
• 4 dried red chilies
• Cilantro
• Neutral oil for frying, about 3 cups

Method

1. Boil the eggs 8 minutes for a set but still bright yolk. Shock in ice water, peel, and dry them completely.
2. Heat 2 inches of oil to 275F/135C. Fry the shallots 6-8 minutes to pale gold, drain. Fry the dried chilies 20 seconds, drain.
3. Simmer tamarind, palm sugar, soy sauce and water in a small pan over medium 4-5 minutes, until it coats a spoon. It should be equally sour and sweet.
4. Raise the oil to 350F/175C. Lower the eggs in with a spider, standing back; any water on the shell will spit. Fry 2-3 minutes until blistered and golden brown.
5. Drain, halve lengthwise, and lay cut side up on a plate.
6. Spoon the sauce over, then bury them in fried shallots, chilies and cilantro.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old Thai restaurants around Bang Rak and Talat Noi, and any menu with a kap klaem section. Whisky soda, or a cold Singha.

From behind the bar: The classic sauce is built on fish sauce. Light soy in equal measure keeps it vegetarian and honest; it reads a little less funky, which nobody at the table will mind.

You need

• 4 eggs
• 3 tbsp neutral oil
• 3 tbsp lime juice
• 2 tbsp light soy sauce
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 4-6 bird's eye chilies, sliced
• 1 small red onion, sliced thin
• 2 stalks Chinese celery, cut in 1-inch lengths
• 1 tomato, wedged
• Cilantro, chopped
• Scallion, chopped

Method

1. Heat the oil in a small pan over medium-high until it shimmers, about 350F/175C.
2. Crack in one egg at a time. The white should bubble up and frill brown at the edges within 30 seconds. Cook 2 minutes, spooning oil over the yolk, until the white is fully set and the underside is lacy and brown.
3. Drain the eggs on paper and let them cool slightly. Cut each into six pieces with scissors.
4. Whisk lime juice, soy sauce, sugar and chilies until the sugar dissolves. Taste: sour first, salty second.
5. Toss onion, celery and tomato in the dressing.
6. Fold the egg in last, gently, so it does not shred. Finish with cilantro and scallion and serve straight away.

Where you'd actually eat it: Neighborhood bars with one wok and a fridge full of beer, all over Din Daeng and Ekkamai. Ordered when the kitchen is closing and the bottle is not empty.

From behind the bar: The dressing normally uses fish sauce; light soy plus a pinch of salt covers it for a vegetarian table. Dress at the last second or the egg goes soggy.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700 g) pork neck/collar, in one piece
• 3 tbsp oyster sauce
• 2 tbsp fish sauce
• 1 tbsp dark soy sauce
• 2 tbsp palm sugar, chopped
• 6 garlic cloves, crushed
• 3 cilantro roots or 6 stems, crushed
• 1 tsp ground white pepper
• 2 tbsp lime juice (jaew)
• 2 tbsp fish sauce (jaew)
• 1 tbsp tamarind concentrate (jaew)
• 1 tbsp palm sugar (jaew)
• 1 tbsp toasted rice powder, khao khua (jaew)
• 1-2 tsp dried chili flakes, phrik pon (jaew)
• 1 shallot, sliced thin (jaew)
• Cilantro and scallion, chopped (jaew)

Method

1. Blend oyster sauce, fish sauce, dark soy, palm sugar, garlic, cilantro root and white pepper. Rub over the pork, bag it, refrigerate 4 hours or overnight.
2. Pull the pork out 30 minutes before cooking. Build a medium charcoal fire, or heat a grill pan over medium.
3. Grill 5-6 minutes per side, moving it off direct heat if the sugar catches, until the center reads 145F/63C on an instant-read thermometer.
4. Rest 10 minutes on a board. This is not optional; cut it early and the juice ends up on the board.
5. Whisk the jaew: lime juice, fish sauce, tamarind, palm sugar until the sugar dissolves. Stir in rice powder, chili flakes, shallot and herbs just before serving.
6. Slice across the grain about 1/4 inch thick, fan it on a plate, serve the jaew alongside with raw cabbage and cucumber.

Where you'd actually eat it: Soi Rangnam, Ari, any mo-lam grill shop with plastic stools on the sidewalk. Hong Thong and soda over a full glass of ice, topped up by whoever sat down last.

From behind the bar: Toasted rice powder is the whole point of jaew. Toast raw sticky rice in a dry pan over medium until deep tan, 8 minutes, then grind. It goes stale fast.

You need

• 1 green mango, firm and sour, peeled and cut in thick slices
• 1 guava, seeds cut out, cut in wedges
• 2 rose apples, or half a pineapple, cut in spears
• 3 tbsp granulated sugar
• 1 tbsp coarse sea salt
• 1 tbsp dried chili flakes, phrik pon, or 4 dried red chilies
• Ice, for holding the fruit

Method

1. If using whole dried chilies, toast them in a dry pan over medium 2 minutes until they darken and smell sharp. Cool completely.
2. Pound salt, sugar and chili in a mortar to a coarse red powder, or pulse in a spice grinder. Leave it gritty; dust sticks to nothing.
3. Taste it on a slice of fruit. Salty first, hot second, sweet last. It keeps a month in a sealed jar.
4. Cut the fruit thick. Thin slices go limp and drown in the dip.
5. Hold everything on ice 20 minutes. Cold, hard fruit is the whole point of the plate.
6. Serve the fruit over ice with the chili salt in a small dish alongside.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ya dong carts around Chinatown and Talat Phlu hand you a slice of pickled fruit after the shot. Lao khao, then fruit, then soda, in that order.

From behind the bar: The other cart dip is nam pla wan, palm sugar cooked down with fish sauce and shallots. Good, and not vegan. Dry phrik kluea is the version that is.

You need

• 2 lb honeycomb tripe, lamb or beef
• 1 onion, halved
• 2 bay leaves, 10 black peppercorns
• 3 tbsp butter
• 3 tbsp flour
• 2 egg yolks
• Juice of 1 lemon
• Salt
• 6 cloves garlic
• 1/2 cup white or red wine vinegar
• 3 tbsp butter and 1 tbsp Maraş pepper flakes, for the finish

Method

1. Scrub the tripe hard with coarse salt and lemon, rinse, then blanch 5 minutes in boiling water. Throw that water out and rinse again. Sanitize the sink and board after handling raw tripe.
2. Cover with fresh water, add the onion, bay and peppercorns, and hold at a bare simmer around 195F/91C with the lid ajar for 2 1/2 to 3 hours, skimming, until a fingernail goes through it.
3. Lift the tripe out, cool enough to handle, and chop into 1/4 inch pieces. Strain the broth and keep 6 cups of it hot.
4. Melt 3 tbsp butter, whisk in the flour, cook 2 minutes without letting it color, then whisk in the hot broth a ladle at a time until smooth.
5. Add the tripe and simmer 10 minutes. Season with salt.
6. Whisk the yolks with the lemon juice, temper with a ladle of hot soup, then stir back in off the heat. Hold below 180F/82C from here. If it boils, it curdles and it is finished.
7. Pound the garlic with salt and stir into the vinegar. Melt the remaining butter with the pepper flakes until it foams.
8. Serve very hot. Everyone doses their own bowl with garlic vinegar and chili butter.

Where you'd actually eat it: The işkembeci near Karaköy that opens at midnight and shuts at noon. Taxi drivers, fishmongers and whoever is still upright from Nevizade, all quiet, all hunched over the bowl.

From behind the bar: Once the egg and lemon go in, keep it under a simmer. Boil it and the soup breaks into curds and there is no getting it back.

You need

• 8 oz very lean beef top round, ground the same day
• 2 cups fine bulgur (köftelik, #1 grind)
• 1 1/2 cups warm water, plus ice water as needed
• 1 onion, grated
• 3 cloves garlic, crushed
• 3 tbsp red pepper paste (biber salçası)
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 2 tbsp isot or Urfa pepper
• 1 tsp cumin
• Salt
• 1 bunch parsley, finely chopped
• 4 scallions, finely sliced
• Juice of 2 lemons, plus olive oil
• Romaine or iceberg leaves, to serve

Method

1. This is raw beef, so be strict. Buy a whole piece of lean top round from a butcher you trust and have it ground to order, or grind it yourself the same day. Keep it under 40F/4C at every stage.
2. Freezing at 0F/-18C for seven days before grinding addresses parasites but does nothing about E. coli or salmonella, and there is no home step that does. Anyone pregnant, elderly, very young or immunocompromised should skip this dish entirely. The meatless version made with extra bulgur and pepper paste is the safe road.
3. Soak the bulgur in the warm water for 20 minutes, covered, until swollen and no longer gritty.
4. Add the onion, garlic, pepper paste, tomato paste, isot, cumin and salt. Knead with the heel of your hand for 20 to 30 minutes, adding ice water a splash at a time when it tightens.
5. Work in the ground beef and knead another 15 minutes, until the mass is smooth, dark, tacky and holds a fingerprint.
6. Finish with the parsley, scallions, lemon juice and a slug of olive oil. Knead 2 minutes more.
7. Squeeze walnut-sized portions in a closed fist to make ridged fingers. Serve cold, in lettuce leaves, with more lemon.
8. Do not hold it more than two hours out of the refrigerator, and throw away anything left at the end of the night.

Where you'd actually eat it: Not legally sold with meat since the 2008 ban, so the real thing happens in kitchens: somebody's uncle kneading for forty minutes while everyone else drinks and offers advice.

From behind the bar: Knead until it stops being crumbly and turns tacky and dark. Under-kneaded çiğ köfte tastes like wet cracked wheat.

You need

• 1 lb lamb sweetbreads
• 2 tbsp butter and 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 1/2 cup flour seasoned with salt, black pepper and a little paprika
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1 lemon
• 1 red onion, sliced thin
• 1 tbsp sumac
• Salt

Method

1. Soak the sweetbreads in cold water for 2 hours, changing the water three times, until they turn pale. Keep them refrigerated while they soak and wash everything they touch.
2. Blanch 3 minutes in salted water held at a bare simmer, then drop straight into ice water.
3. While still warm, peel off the membrane and hard fat. Cold, it welds on. Press between two plates with a weight for 30 minutes so they slice cleanly.
4. Cut into 1 inch pieces, dry them hard on paper towels, and dust with the seasoned flour.
5. Heat the butter and oil over medium-high until the foam subsides. Fry in a single layer, 2 to 3 minutes a side, until deep gold and 160F/71C at the center.
6. Off the heat, toss with oregano, salt and a hard squeeze of lemon.
7. Serve hot with the onion tossed in sumac. They go dense and dull within ten minutes, so time it to the drinks.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ocakbaşı territory: Kurtuluş, the Beşiktaş back streets, a small copper pan set down between the rakı and the ashtray. Lemon over it, then straight into the next round.

From behind the bar: Peel the membrane while the sweetbreads are still warm from blanching. Cold, it welds on and takes the meat with it.

You need

• 2 lb ram or lamb testicles
• 2 tbsp coarse salt, for soaking
• Olive oil
• Salt and coarse black pepper
• 1 tbsp Urfa pepper flakes
• 2 lemons
• 1 white onion, sliced thin

Method

1. Score the tough outer membrane lengthwise with a sharp knife and peel it away in one sheet. Left on, the slices curl into rubber. Wash your hands, the board and the knife before anything else touches them.
2. Soak 1 hour in cold salted water in the refrigerator, changing it once. Drain and dry well.
3. Slice 1/2 inch thick. Season with salt, coarse pepper and a film of olive oil.
4. Grill over hot charcoal 2 to 3 minutes a side, or sear in a smoking cast-iron pan, until browned and firm.
5. Cook through to 160F/71C, the standard for variety meats. There is no case for serving these rare.
6. Serve hot with lemon, Urfa pepper and raw onion. Cold, they go tight and chalky, so put them out as they come off the fire.

Where you'd actually eat it: Sakatat grills in Kadıköy and around Kurtuluş, written on the board without ceremony. Ordered late, with rakı, mostly by people who stopped finding it funny years ago.

From behind the bar: Score the outer membrane down one side and it peels off in a single sheet. Skip that step and the slices curl up and toughen.

You need

• 2 lamb brains
• 2 tbsp vinegar, for soaking
• 1 lemon, plus more to serve
• 2 bay leaves, 10 peppercorns
• Salt
• 3 tbsp good olive oil
• 1 small bunch flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• Black pepper

Method

1. Buy lamb brain, not beef. Beef brain and other specified risk material is restricted in the US, UK and EU over BSE. Source from an inspected supplier and use it the day you buy it.
2. Soak the brains in cold water with the vinegar for 1 to 2 hours in the refrigerator, changing the water twice, until they whiten and the blood is drawn out.
3. Under a thin stream of cold water, peel off the thin membrane and pull away every visible blood vessel. Left on, they darken and turn bitter.
4. Poach in water with the lemon juice, bay, peppercorns and salt at 180F/82C, barely trembling, for 15 minutes, until firm to the touch.
5. Cool in the poaching liquid, then chill at least 1 hour.
6. Break into bite-sized pieces by hand. Dress with olive oil, lemon, parsley, salt and black pepper.
7. Serve cold with more lemon and plain bread. Do not reheat it and do not keep it past the night.

Where you'd actually eat it: The old meyhanes around Kumkapı and Samatya still put it out on the cold tray. Older men order it, salt it heavily, and say nothing about it at all.

From behind the bar: Pull every visible vessel and the membrane before poaching. Left on, they go dark and bitter and ruin an otherwise clean plate.

You need

• 6 lamb kidneys
• 1 cup milk, for soaking
• 4 oz lamb tail fat or fat trim, cut into cubes
• 1 onion, cut into chunks
• Olive oil
• Salt and black pepper
• 1 tbsp Maraş pepper flakes
• 2 lemons
• Flat metal skewers

Method

1. Split the kidneys lengthwise and cut out the white core and any fat and tubes at the center. Discard it, then wash the board and knife before they touch anything else.
2. Soak in milk or heavily salted water in the refrigerator for 30 minutes, then drain and dry thoroughly. Wet kidney steams instead of searing.
3. Cut into 1 inch cubes and thread onto flat skewers, alternating with the fat and onion, packed close.
4. Season with salt, pepper and a light brush of oil.
5. Grill directly over hot charcoal, 2 to 3 minutes a side, turning once, to 160F/71C at the center, the safe temperature for variety meats. Pull them there. Past it they go grainy and ammoniac.
6. Rest 2 minutes, then hit with lemon and Maraş pepper and get them to the table hot.

Where you'd actually eat it: The ocakbaşı counters where you sit facing the fire and order two skewers at a time. Rakı or cold Efes, raw onion in sumac, no side plates and no ceremony.

From behind the bar: Soak the cubes in milk for half an hour. It pulls the ammonia note out without taking the iron with it.

You need

• 1 lb chicken hearts
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 3 cloves garlic, crushed
• 1 tbsp red pepper paste (biber salçası)
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp coarse black pepper
• Salt
• 1 tbsp sumac
• 2 lemons
• Skewers

Method

1. Trim the fat and tubes off the tops. Squeeze each heart between finger and thumb under running water to push out the clotted blood, or they cook up bitter and swollen.
2. Drain and dry well, then marinate 1 hour in the oil, garlic, pepper paste, cumin, pepper and salt.
3. Thread tightly onto skewers, 8 to 10 per skewer, so they hold each other flat over the fire.
4. Grill over hot charcoal or a very hot ridged pan for 6 to 8 minutes total, turning every 90 seconds, until blistered and browned.
5. Cook to 165F/74C at the center. Chicken offal gets no leniency on this.
6. Squeeze lemon over, dust with sumac, and serve with beer while they are still too hot to hold.

Where you'd actually eat it: Not a meyhane item. This is the grill counter and the cheap beer places in Kadıköy, where a skewer costs almost nothing and lands on the table four minutes after you ask.

From behind the bar: Trim the tops and squeeze each heart before marinating. Skip that and every third one bursts with old blood on the grill.

You need

• 2 lb thick lamb intestine (bumbar), in lengths
• Coarse salt, flour and 3 lemons, for cleaning
• 1 cup short-grain rice, rinsed
• 8 oz fatty ground lamb
• 2 onions, grated
• 2 tbsp red pepper paste
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 1 tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp dried mint, 1 tsp black pepper
• Salt
• Butcher's twine
• Lemon and pepper flakes, to serve

Method

1. Order cleaned casings from a halal or Greek butcher two days ahead. Turn them inside out, scrape them with the back of a knife, then work coarse salt, flour and lemon through and rinse until they smell of nothing. Sanitize the sink, board and knives after. Raw intestine is a real contamination risk.
2. Mix the rice, ground lamb, onion, both pastes and all the spices with a good amount of salt.
3. Fill the casings through a wide funnel or piping bag to about two-thirds full and tie off in 8 inch lengths. Rice triples in the pot and a tight casing splits and empties.
4. Prick each length in six or eight places with a needle.
5. Simmer in salted water at 195F/91C, never a rolling boil, for 60 to 75 minutes, until the rice is cooked and the casing gives.
6. Drain and dry, then sear whole in a hot skillet or over coals for 4 to 5 minutes, turning, until blistered and brown, with the inside at 165F/74C.
7. Slice thick on the angle. Lemon, pepper flakes, and something cold and sour to drink.

Where you'd actually eat it: Southeastern grill houses that took root in Istanbul, around Aksaray and the Kadıköy side streets. Ordered with şalgam and rakı by tables that have already had too much.

From behind the bar: Fill the casing two-thirds and no more. The rice triples in the simmer, and an overstuffed one bursts and seasons the water instead.

You need

• 1 beef tongue, about 3 lb
• 1 onion, 1 carrot, 2 bay leaves, 10 peppercorns
• Salt
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 2 tbsp red wine vinegar
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 1 small red onion, sliced paper-thin
• 1 bunch flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 2 tbsp capers or chopped cornichon
• Black pepper

Method

1. Rinse the tongue, cover with cold water, and add the onion, carrot, bay, peppercorns and a good handful of salt.
2. Simmer at 195F/91C for 2 1/2 to 3 hours, until a skewer slides into the thickest part with no resistance.
3. Lift it out and peel it as soon as you can stand to hold it. Use a folded towel because it will burn you, slit the skin down the length, and pull it off in sheets. Trim the gristle at the root.
4. Cool, wrap tight, and chill at least 2 hours. Cold tongue slices cleanly, warm tongue tears.
5. Slice as thin as you can manage, across the grain, and lay it out flat on a plate.
6. Dress with olive oil, vinegar, lemon, red onion, parsley, capers, salt and pepper. Let it sit 15 minutes before it goes on the table.

Where you'd actually eat it: A cold-tray meze in the old Rum and Armenian meyhanes around Kurtuluş and Samatya. It comes out early, sits there all night, and disappears without anyone noticing.

From behind the bar: Peel the tongue the moment it is cool enough to hold. Chilled, the skin sets like a shoe and costs you an hour with a paring knife.

You need

• 2 whole çiroz (dried salted mackerel)
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 2 tbsp red wine vinegar
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 1 small bunch dill, chopped
• 3 cornichons, diced
• 8 black olives, sliced
• Black pepper
• No salt, under any circumstances

Method

1. Çiroz is dried salted mackerel, sold at any Turkish grocer. If you cannot find it, Japanese himono from an Asian market, salted dried mackerel or horse mackerel, is the same product under another name.
2. Char the dried fish over a gas flame or under a hot broiler, 1 to 2 minutes a side, until the skin blisters and it starts to smell of smoke.
3. Lay it on a board, cover with plastic wrap, and beat it with a rolling pin or the bottom of a bottle until the flesh loosens off the frame.
4. Peel away the skin, lift out the backbone, and tear the flesh into strips with your fingers, picking out the pin bones as you go.
5. Taste it. If it is punishing, soak the strips in cold water for 10 minutes and pat them completely dry.
6. Dress with olive oil, vinegar, lemon, dill, cornichon, olives and black pepper. Let it sit 15 minutes and serve at room temperature.

Where you'd actually eat it: Summer meze in the Aegean-leaning meyhanes and on Istanbul balconies, made from spring mackerel dried on a line. Rakı, obviously. Nothing else stands up to it.

From behind the bar: Taste before you dress it. If the fish is brutal, soak it ten minutes and dry it. Never add salt to this dish under any circumstances.

You need

• 2 whole mackerel, gutted, heads on
• 2 onions, finely chopped
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 3 tbsp pine nuts
• 3 tbsp currants
• 3 tbsp chopped walnuts
• 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp allspice
• Small bunch each parsley and dill, chopped
• Salt and black pepper
• 1/2 cup flour and 2 beaten eggs, for coating
• Neutral oil for frying
• Lemon wedges

Method

1. Bend each fish sharply to break the backbone just behind the head and just before the tail. Do not cut the skin anywhere.
2. Work a spoon handle under the skin at the neck to loosen it, then roll and squeeze the fish repeatedly from tail to head, pushing all flesh and bone out through the collar. Keep the skin sack intact.
3. Poach the extracted flesh 5 minutes in a little water, cool, and pick out every single bone.
4. Fry the onion in olive oil for 10 minutes, add the pine nuts, currants, walnuts, cinnamon and allspice, cook 3 minutes, then fold in the picked flesh, herbs, salt and pepper. Cool completely.
5. Refill the skins through the collar, firm but not drum-tight, and press the opening shut. If the skin tore, and it will the first two times, butterfly the fish instead, mound the filling on one fillet and fold the other over.
6. Roll in flour, then beaten egg. Fry in 1 inch of oil at 340F/170C, 3 to 4 minutes a side, until deep gold and 145F/63C at the center. Keep the pan below half full and lower the fish away from you.
7. Rest 10 minutes, then slice into 3/4 inch rounds. Lemon, and nothing else.

Where you'd actually eat it: Kumkapı, and the old Greek fish houses that trained everyone else. A show-off dish a cook makes twenty of at a time and sells to tables already three rakıs in.

From behind the bar: Break the spine at head and tail first, then roll the fish under your palm like dough. The flesh comes out through the neck if you are patient.

You need

• 12 fresh sardines, scaled and gutted, heads on
• 12 brined vine leaves
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• Zest of 1 lemon, plus 2 lemons to serve
• Salt and coarse black pepper

Method

1. Fresh sardines are the hard part away from a coast. Frozen whole sardines work, thawed slowly overnight, or use 4 inch mackerel fillets folded skin-out.
2. Rinse and dry the fish, then marinate 45 minutes in olive oil, lemon zest, salt and pepper. Do not marinate in lemon juice for hours or the acid starts curing them.
3. Rinse the vine leaves in cold water twice to pull the brine, drain, dry them properly, and cut out the tough stems.
4. Wrap each sardine in one leaf, shiny side out, leaving the head and tail sticking out of each end.
5. Grill over medium-hot charcoal, 3 minutes a side, until the leaf is blackened at the edges and the fish flakes at the spine at 145F/63C.
6. Serve straight off the fire with lemon. Eat the leaf or leave it, both are correct.

Where you'd actually eat it: Balat and Cibali fish meyhanes on the Golden Horn, spring into summer when the sardines are fat. It arrives hot, mid-session, between the cold plates and the next rakı.

From behind the bar: Rinse brined vine leaves twice and dry them well. Wet leaves steam instead of charring and the parcel comes apart on the grate.

You need

• 2 whole mackerel, filleted, skin on
• 2 half loaves of crusty white bread
• 1 white onion, sliced paper-thin
• 1 tbsp sumac
• Handful of lettuce, shredded
• Olive oil
• Salt and coarse black pepper
• 2 lemons

Method

1. Pat the fillets very dry and rub with a little oil. Oil the grate too, hard, or the skin stays behind.
2. Build a medium-high charcoal fire. You should be able to hold a hand five inches over the coals for about three seconds.
3. Salt the fish as it hits the grill, not before. Cook skin side down 3 to 4 minutes without moving it, then flesh side 1 to 2 minutes, to 145F/63C and just flaking.
4. Split the loaves and toast the cut sides on the grate for 30 seconds.
5. Toss the onion with sumac and a pinch of salt. Load lettuce, then onion, then the hot fillets. Lemon over the top, plenty of black pepper.
6. Eat within a minute, standing. Wrap the bottom in paper so it holds together.

Where you'd actually eat it: Eminönü, under the Galata bridge, boats rocking against the quay. Less a bar snack than the thing you eat with a paper cup of şalgam, sour turnip juice, on the way in or out.

From behind the bar: Salt the fish only as it goes on the fire. Salt it early and it weeps, glues itself to the grate, and comes off in shreds.

You need

• 1 small boneless chicken breast
• 4 cups whole milk
• 3/4 cup sugar, plus more for dusting the pan
• 3 tbsp rice flour
• 3 tbsp cornstarch
• 1 tsp vanilla or a pinch of crushed mastic
• Butter, for the pan
• Ground cinnamon, to finish

Method

1. Poach the chicken breast in plain water for about 20 minutes, to 165F/74C. Cool it, then pull it along the grain into hair-fine threads.
2. Rinse the threads through several changes of cold water until they smell of nothing at all, then soak them in cold water for 1 hour and squeeze dry.
3. Whisk the milk, sugar, rice flour and cornstarch together cold, then cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, 10 to 12 minutes, until it thickens to a heavy pudding.
4. Stir in the chicken threads and the vanilla or mastic and cook 2 minutes more.
5. Butter a wide nonstick pan or tray and dust it heavily with sugar. Spread the pudding 1/2 inch deep.
6. Set over medium heat for 10 to 15 minutes without stirring, until the underside is dark brown and smells like caramel a moment before it burns. Lift a corner with a spatula to check.
7. Chill 4 hours. Cut into strips and roll each one up with the burnt side out. Dust with cinnamon and serve cold.

Where you'd actually eat it: The muhallebici at the end of the night, Beyoğlu or Kadıköy, fluorescent light and plastic chairs at 3am. You have stopped drinking and you are not ready to go home.

From behind the bar: Rinse the chicken threads until they are odorless and squeak between your fingers. Any chicken flavor left in them is the whole failure mode.

You need

• 900 g / 2 lb bonito or albacore loin, skin on
• 500 g coarse sea salt for the dry cure
• 80 g fine sea salt per 1 liter water, for the brine
• 1 large red onion, sliced paper thin
• 2 lemons
• Good olive oil, enough to cover the sliced fish
• Flat-leaf parsley (optional)

Method

1. Freeze the loin solid at -4F/-20C for 7 full days, then thaw overnight in the fridge. This is raw cured fish and the freeze is not optional.
2. Cut the loin crosswise into steaks about 4 cm / 1.5 in thick. Work the dark bloodline out with a thin knife — it turns bitter in salt.
3. Bury the pieces completely in coarse salt in a non-reactive container. Fridge, 4 days. Pour off the liquid that collects each day and re-cover with fresh salt.
4. Rinse the pieces under cold water, then submerge in the 8 percent brine. Fridge, 4 more days.
5. Lift out, pat dry, cut away the skin and any red flesh left, then slice 6 mm / 1/4 in thick.
6. Pack the slices into a jar and cover completely with olive oil. Fridge, up to 2 weeks. Flavor improves after 2 days.
7. Serve cold: slices fanned out, raw red onion, lemon wedges, a slick of the curing oil.

Where you'd actually eat it: The cold tray at Yakup 2 or Cumhuriyet Meyhanesi in Beyoğlu. Raki, one part to one or two parts water, ice in last. Nothing else pairs with it and nobody has tried.

From behind the bar: Small bonito or albacore loins take salt fast — drop to 3 days dry, 3 days brine or you get jerky. Buy fish that was kept properly cold; bonito spoils badly and fast.

You need

• 2 cups fine bulgur (köftelik, #1 grind)
• 1/2 cup fine semolina
• 1 medium potato, boiled and riced
• 1 tbsp red pepper paste (biber salçası)
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 cup warm water, plus cold water for your hands
• 8 oz ground lamb, not too lean
• 2 onions, chopped fine
• 1/2 cup walnuts, chopped
• 2 tbsp butter
• 1 tsp allspice, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tbsp Maraş pepper flakes
• Small bunch parsley, chopped
• Salt
• Neutral oil for deep frying
• Lemon wedges

Method

1. Make the filling first. Fry the onions in butter 10 minutes, add the lamb, break it up hard, and cook until it has released its fat and reads 160F/71C. Stir in the pepper paste, walnuts and spices, cook 5 minutes, then take it off the heat, fold in the parsley and salt, and chill until cold and stiff.
2. Soak the bulgur in the warm water, covered, for 30 minutes, until swollen and no longer gritty. Work in the semolina, potato, pepper paste, cumin and a good amount of salt.
3. Knead 15 to 20 minutes, dipping your hands in cold water whenever it drags, until the mass is smooth and elastic and behaves like putty rather than gravel.
4. Roll a walnut-sized ball, push a wet finger into it, and turn it against your palm to open a shell with walls about 1/8 inch thick. Spoon in the cold filling, close the top, and taper both ends into a lemon shape.
5. Freeze the formed köfte 20 minutes. They hold their shape in the oil instead of unravelling in it.
6. Heat 3 inches of oil to 340F/170C in a deep pot filled no more than half. Wet bulgur and hot oil spit, so lower them in with a spider, away from you, four to six at a time.
7. Fry 5 to 6 minutes, until dark brown and hard-shelled. Bring the oil back to temperature between batches or the shells drink it.
8. Drain on a rack, salt, and serve hot with lemon. To boil them instead, simmer 8 minutes in salted water and serve with melted butter and pepper flakes.

Where you'd actually eat it: Antep and Urfa families brought it north. In Istanbul it lands on the meyhane hot-meze list and in the büfes off Kadıköy, ordered by the plate, eaten between rakı and the next rakı.

From behind the bar: Cold filling, wet hands. Warm filling softens the shell and dry hands crack it, and a cracked shell fills with oil in the pot.

You need

• 1 1/2 lb small red mullet (barbunya), scaled and gutted, heads on
• 1 cup flour, or half flour and half fine semolina
• Salt and black pepper
• Neutral oil for frying, 1 1/2 inches deep
• 2 lemons
• 1 white onion, sliced paper-thin
• 1 tbsp sumac
• 1 bunch arugula (roka)

Method

1. Red mullet turns up at Greek, Turkish and Italian fishmongers as barbouni or triglia. If there is none, small porgy, scup or fresh sardines fry the same way. Ask for them scaled and gutted with the heads on.
2. Rinse and dry the fish hard. Salt them, leave 15 minutes, then dry them again. Water in the flour is what makes the crust slide off.
3. Season the flour with salt and pepper, dredge each fish, and shake off everything loose.
4. Heat the oil to 350F/175C in a heavy pan no more than half full. Lower the fish in with tongs, away from you, four at a time. Wet fish in hot oil is the one real hazard here.
5. Fry 2 to 3 minutes a side, until the crust is set and gold and the flesh at the spine flakes at 145F/63C. Let the oil climb back to 350F/175C between batches.
6. Drain on a wire rack and salt them the second they come out.
7. Serve with lemon, arugula and the onion tossed in sumac. Eat with your hands, spine and all if you know how.

Where you'd actually eat it: Autumn in the fish meyhanes of Kumkapı and the Karaköy back rows, when barbunya is in and cheap. It arrives hot in the middle of the rakı, and it is gone before the next cold plate.

From behind the bar: Rack, never paper towels. Paper traps steam under the fish and the crust you just built is soft inside a minute.

You need

• 1 kg / 2 lb frozen-and-thawed octopus, cleaned
• 1 bay leaf, 1 halved onion
• 120 ml / 1/2 cup olive oil
• Juice of 2 lemons
• 3 garlic cloves, grated
• 1 small red onion, sliced thin
• Large handful flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• Salt, black pepper

Method

1. Bring a large pot of unsalted water to a bare simmer with the bay leaf and onion. Salting early tightens the octopus.
2. Dip the octopus in and out of the water three times to curl the tentacles, then lower it in and hold at 185F/85C — a lazy shiver, never a rolling boil.
3. Cook 45-70 minutes depending on size. Done is when a knife tip slides into the thick part of a tentacle with no resistance. Undercooked octopus is rubber and cannot be rescued later.
4. Kill the heat and let it cool in its own liquid for 30 minutes. That is what keeps it tender.
5. Cut the tentacles into 2 cm / 3/4 in pieces on the bias. Slice the head thin or discard it — your call.
6. Whisk oil, lemon, garlic, oregano, salt and pepper. Toss the octopus while still slightly warm so it drinks the dressing.
7. Fold in red onion and parsley, then chill at least 2 hours. Serve cold with more lemon.

Where you'd actually eat it: Fish meyhanes in Kumkapı and Karaköy, and the seafood counters on Balık Pazarı. Ordered cold at the start with raki, never at the end.

From behind the bar: Buy it frozen. Freezing wrecks the muscle fibers and does the tenderizing for you — fresh octopus needs beating and you do not have the arm.

You need

• 150 g / 5 oz cured cod or carp roe (tarama), skinned
• 4 slices stale white bread, crusts off
• 200 ml / 3/4 cup mild olive oil or sunflower oil
• Juice of 1 large lemon
• 1/2 small onion, grated, juice squeezed out and kept
• 1 tbsp cold water
• Black pepper

Method

1. Soak the bread in cold water for 2 minutes, then squeeze it bone dry. Wet bread makes a soupy dip.
2. Put the roe, squeezed bread, onion juice and half the lemon juice in a food processor. Blitz 30 seconds to a smooth paste.
3. With the motor running, pour the oil in a thin steady stream, as you would for mayonnaise. It will thicken and lighten to a dull pink-cream.
4. If it seizes or looks greasy, add the tablespoon of cold water with the motor running and it will come back together.
5. Taste, then add lemon and pepper. Do not add salt — the roe carries plenty.
6. Chill at least 1 hour. Serve in a shallow bowl with a well of olive oil in the middle and warm bread alongside.

Where you'd actually eat it: Every cold tray in Beyoğlu and Kadıköy. Goes down in the first five minutes with raki and stays until someone scrapes the bowl.

From behind the bar: Jarred smoked cod roe from a Greek or Turkish grocer works fine. The bright pink supermarket stuff is dyed and mostly bread — skip it.

You need

• 1 lb ground beef, 80/20
• 1 onion, grated and squeezed dry
• 3 cloves garlic, crushed
• 1 tsp cumin, 1 tsp black pepper
• Salt
• 6 soft white burger buns, the cheaper the better
• 3 tbsp tomato paste
• 6 cloves garlic, crushed, for the sauce
• 2 tbsp butter or olive oil
• 1 cup water
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1 tbsp Maraş pepper flakes

Method

1. Make the sauce. Cook the crushed garlic in the butter 1 minute, stir in the tomato paste, then the water, oregano, Maraş pepper and salt. Simmer 10 minutes. It should stay loose enough to soak into bread, not thick enough to sit on it.
2. Knead the beef with the grated onion, garlic, cumin, pepper and salt for 3 minutes, until it turns sticky. Form six thin patties a little wider than the buns.
3. Cook them in a dry hot skillet, 2 to 3 minutes a side, to 160F/71C. Ground beef gets no argument on this one.
4. Split the buns. Do not toast anything. Crust is the enemy here.
5. Brush sauce over both cut faces and over the top of each bun, set a patty in, and close them.
6. Stack the burgers in a pot with a tight lid over 1 inch of barely simmering water, sitting on a rack or steamer basket so they never touch the water. Cover and steam 15 to 20 minutes.
7. They are ready when the bun has gone translucent and soft enough to fall apart in your hand. Serve from the pot with extra sauce and eat over the paper.

Where you'd actually eat it: Kızılkayalar on Taksim square, burgers sweating in a glass case under strip lighting. The order you place at 3am on the way out of Nevizade, standing, saying nothing.

From behind the bar: Do not toast the bun and do not reduce the sauce. If the thing holds together neatly you have made an ordinary burger and missed the point.

You need

• 2 bone-in chicken breasts or 4 bone-in thighs
• 1 onion, 1 carrot, 1 bay leaf, 6 peppercorns
• 200 g / 2 cups shelled walnuts
• 3 slices stale white bread, crusts off
• 3 garlic cloves
• 1/2 tsp ground coriander
• 400 ml chicken poaching liquid, strained and reserved
• 2 tbsp walnut oil or olive oil
• 1 tsp pul biber (Aleppo pepper)
• Salt

Method

1. Cover the chicken with cold water, add onion, carrot, bay and peppercorns, bring to a bare simmer and poach 25-30 minutes for breasts, 30-35 for thighs, until the thickest part away from the bone reads 165F/74C.
2. Cool the chicken in the broth, then pull the meat into thin shreds with your fingers. Strain and keep 400 ml of the broth.
3. Toast the walnuts in a dry pan over medium heat for 4-5 minutes until they smell nutty. Reserve 2 tbsp for the topping.
4. Soak the bread in a little broth, squeeze it out, then blitz with the walnuts, garlic, coriander and salt into a thick paste.
5. Loosen the paste with warm broth a splash at a time until it is the texture of thick sour cream — it should coat a spoon and hold.
6. Fold two-thirds of the sauce through the chicken. Spread on a plate and cover with the rest.
7. Warm the oil with the pul biber for 30 seconds off the heat until it stains red, then drizzle it over. Scatter the reserved chopped walnuts. Serve cool, not cold.

Where you'd actually eat it: Cold tray staple from Asmalımescit down to Nevizade. Raki, and it does the useful job of blunting the anise.

From behind the bar: The sauce sets hard in the fridge. Slacken it with a spoonful of broth before serving or it eats like wet cement.

You need

• 500 g / 1 lb sea bass fillet, skinned, pin-boned
• 30 g / 2 tbsp fine sea salt
• 1 tbsp sugar
• Juice of 4 lemons
• 1 small red onion, sliced paper thin
• 100 ml / 1/3 cup olive oil
• Large handful dill, chopped
• 1/2 tsp pul biber
• Black pepper

Method

1. Freeze the fillet at -4F/-20C for 7 days, then thaw in the fridge overnight. Cured is not cooked.
2. Slice the fillet on a sharp angle into pieces about 3 mm thick — thinner than sashimi, wider than carpaccio.
3. Toss the slices with salt and sugar in a shallow non-reactive dish. Fridge, 30 minutes. Liquid will pull out.
4. Rinse the slices briefly under cold water, pat dry, and return them to a clean dish.
5. Pour over the lemon juice so every slice is covered. Fridge 30-45 minutes. At 3 mm the acid works fast — you want the flesh opaque white all the way through, no translucent core.
6. Drain the lemon off the moment it turns. Left in it for hours the fish goes chalky. Layer the slices with the red onion.
7. Dress with olive oil, dill, pul biber and pepper. Serve cold, within a day.

Where you'd actually eat it: Fish meyhanes along the Bosphorus and in Karaköy, where it sits on the cold tray under cling film all evening. Raki, cold and cloudy.

From behind the bar: Sea bream, mackerel or bonito all work, all with the same 7-day freeze first. Farmed salmon does not — too fatty, and it turns the lemon cure greasy.

You need

• 400 g / 14 oz cooked chickpeas, drained (or 150 g dried, soaked and simmered soft)
• 100 g / 1/3 cup tahini
• 2 garlic cloves
• Juice of 1.5 lemons
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin
• 4-6 tbsp warm chickpea cooking water or hot water
• 80 g / 3 oz pastırma, sliced thin then cut into strips
• 40 g / 3 tbsp butter
• 1 tsp pul biber
• Salt

Method

1. If using canned chickpeas, simmer them 10 minutes in fresh water with a pinch of baking soda, then drain. The skins soften and the dip goes silky.
2. Blitz chickpeas, tahini, garlic, lemon, cumin and salt, adding warm water a spoonful at a time until thick but pourable. Keep it warm — this version is never served fridge-cold.
3. Spread into an oven-safe shallow dish and hold in a 300F/150C oven for 10 minutes while you do the topping.
4. Melt the butter in a small pan over medium heat until it foams and the milk solids turn light brown, about 3 minutes.
5. Add the pastırma strips and cook 60-90 seconds only. It renders fast and burns faster — the çemen crust scorches.
6. Kill the heat, stir in the pul biber off the flame so it blooms instead of blackening.
7. Pour butter and pastırma over the warm hummus. Serve straight away with hot bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ara sıcak round at meyhanes in Beyoğlu and at the kebab houses off İstiklal. Arrives hot, halfway through the night, with raki or a cold Efes.

From behind the bar: No pastırma? Bresaola is closest but has no çemen crust — rub it first with a paste of ground fenugreek, cumin, paprika and garlic.

You need

• 500 g / 1 lb lamb or calf liver, membrane removed
• 100 g / 3/4 cup plain flour
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• 1/2 tsp pul biber
• Sunflower oil for shallow frying
• 1 large red onion, sliced thin
• 2 tsp sumac
• Large handful flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 2 waxy potatoes, cut in 1.5 cm dice (optional but standard)
• Salt, black pepper

Method

1. Cut the liver into 2 cm / 3/4 in cubes, cutting out any tough vein as you go. Pat completely dry — wet liver steams instead of crusting.
2. Toss the onion with sumac, salt and half the parsley. Squeeze it lightly with your hands and set aside to soften.
3. If using potatoes, fry them in 350F/175C oil for 5-6 minutes until golden, drain on paper, salt them.
4. Mix flour, paprika, pul biber, salt and pepper. Toss the liver in it and shake off everything loose. Flour it at the last second — do it early and the coating turns to paste.
5. Heat 1 cm of oil to 350F/175C. Fry the liver in a single uncrowded layer about 3 minutes, turning once, until browned outside and just firm through with no red juice — 160F/71C. Offal gets cooked through, no exceptions.
6. Pull it the second it hits temperature and lift onto paper towel, salt immediately. Another minute in the pan and it goes grainy and bitter.
7. Pile the sumac onions on a plate, liver and potatoes over the top, the rest of the parsley on that. Eat hot.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ara sıcak in the old Beyoğlu meyhanes and in the ciğerci shops around Edirnekapı. Raki, and a lot of the sumac onion between bites.

From behind the bar: Soak the liver in milk 30 minutes if it smells strong, then dry it thoroughly. Skipping the drying is what makes home versions grey.

You need

• 3 sheets yufka pastry (or 12 sheets filo, doubled up)
• 150 g / 5 oz pastırma, sliced thin
• 200 g / 7 oz kaşar cheese, grated
• 1 tomato, seeded and finely diced
• 1 green sivri pepper or half a green bell pepper, finely diced
• 1 egg, beaten
• Sunflower oil for frying
• Black pepper

Method

1. Cut each yufka sheet into 6 wedges like a pizza. Keep them under a damp towel — yufka dries out and cracks within minutes.
2. Drain the diced tomato in a sieve for 10 minutes. Excess water bursts the rolls in the fryer.
3. Lay a wedge wide-end toward you. Put a line of pastırma, cheese, tomato and pepper across the wide end, leaving 2 cm clear at each side. Grind over black pepper.
4. Fold the sides in and roll up tight toward the point. Seal the tip with beaten egg. Roll it loose and the cheese escapes.
5. Heat 4 cm of sunflower oil to 350F/175C. Test with a scrap of yufka — it should sizzle steadily, not violently.
6. Fry 4-5 at a time for 2-3 minutes, turning once, until deep gold and blistered.
7. Drain on a rack, not paper. Rest 1 minute so the molten cheese stops being a weapon, then serve.

Where you'd actually eat it: First hot plate to hit the table at any Nevizade or Asmalımescit meyhane, straight after the cold tray. Raki, or beer if you gave up on the ritual.

From behind the bar: Filo is thinner and more brittle than yufka — use two sheets per roll and work fast. Spring roll wrappers are the wrong texture entirely.

You need

• 24 large mussels, scrubbed, beards pulled
• 150 g / 3/4 cup baldo or short-grain rice
• 2 large onions, finely diced
• 100 ml / 1/3 cup olive oil
• 2 tbsp pine nuts
• 2 tbsp dried currants
• 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp ground allspice
• 1/4 tsp ground black pepper
• 1 tsp sugar
• 250 ml / 1 cup hot water
• Lemons, to serve
• Salt

Method

1. Rinse the rice until the water runs clear, then soak in warm salted water 20 minutes and drain.
2. Cook the onions in the olive oil over low heat 12-15 minutes until completely soft and sweet, with no color. Add the pine nuts for the last 3 minutes.
3. Stir in rice, currants, cinnamon, allspice, pepper, sugar and salt. Toast 2 minutes, add the hot water, cover and cook 8 minutes on low. The rice will be half done and that is correct.
4. Cool the filling completely. Meanwhile prise each mussel open along the flat side with a short knife, keeping the hinge intact. Discard any that are already gaping and will not shut when tapped.
5. Spoon a teaspoon of filling into each shell over the meat and press the shells closed. They will not sit flush. Fine.
6. Pack them tightly in a wide pot hinge down, weight them with a plate, pour in 2 cm of water and steam covered on low 20-25 minutes. The mussel meat should be opaque and firm and the rice fully soft.
7. Cool in the pot, then chill at least 2 hours. Serve cold, using the top shell as a scoop, with a hard squeeze of lemon on each one.

Where you'd actually eat it: Carts on Kadıköy's bar streets and outside Beşiktaş Çarşı, past midnight. Eaten standing, between bars, with beer or nothing at all.

From behind the bar: Buy mussels the same day, keep them under a wet cloth in the fridge, and throw out anything that will not close when tapped. No debate on this one.

You need

• 500 g / 1 lb shucked mussel meat, patted dry
• 150 g / 1 cup plain flour, plus extra for dusting
• 1 egg yolk
• 250 ml / 1 cup very cold soda water
• 1/2 tsp salt
• Sunflower oil for deep frying
• Wooden skewers
• Tarator: 100 g walnuts, 2 slices stale white bread (crusts off), 3 garlic cloves, juice of 1 lemon, 100 ml olive oil, 4 tbsp water, salt

Method

1. Tarator first: soak the bread in water, squeeze it dry, blitz with walnuts, garlic, lemon and salt. Trickle in the olive oil, then loosen with water to the texture of thick cream. Chill.
2. Dry the mussel meat thoroughly on paper towel. Dust with plain flour and shake off the excess.
3. Thread 3-4 mussels onto each skewer, leaving a handle at one end.
4. Whisk the egg yolk into the cold soda water, then whisk in flour and salt to a batter about as thick as heavy cream. Lumps are fine. Overmixing is not.
5. Heat 6 cm of oil to 350F/175C. Below that they drink oil; above 375F/190C the batter colors before the mussel is hot.
6. Dip each skewer in the batter, let the excess run off, and fry 2-3 minutes until deep gold and crisp and the mussels are firm and opaque. Two or three skewers at a time — crowding drops the oil temperature.
7. Drain on a rack, salt immediately, serve with the tarator and lemon.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ortaköy and Kumkapı stands, and every fish meyhane's ara sıcak list. Beer, mostly — this is the one meze that fights raki rather than serving it.

From behind the bar: Keep the batter bowl sitting on ice. Cold batter into hot oil is the whole mechanism behind a crust that lasts more than ninety seconds.

You need

• 600 g / 1.3 lb cleaned squid tubes and tentacles
• 250 ml / 1 cup milk (optional soak)
• 100 g / 3/4 cup plain flour
• 50 g / 1/3 cup cornstarch
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp white pepper
• Sunflower oil for deep frying
• Lemon wedges
• Walnut tarator, to serve (see Midye Tava)

Method

1. Cut the tubes into rings 1 cm / 1/2 in wide. Leave the tentacles whole in clusters. Soak in milk 30 minutes for extra tenderness, then drain.
2. Dry the squid hard on paper towel. Wet squid spits violently in hot oil and comes out pale.
3. Mix flour, cornstarch, salt and white pepper. The cornstarch is what keeps the coating light instead of bready.
4. Heat 8 cm of oil to 360F/180C. Use a thermometer. Guessing is how squid ends up as tire rubber.
5. Toss a handful of squid in the flour, shake it in a sieve to knock off the excess, and drop it straight into the oil.
6. Fry 60-90 seconds only, until the coating is pale gold, not brown. Squid is either cooked in under two minutes or cooked in forty. There is nothing in between.
7. Lift onto a rack, salt immediately, and get it to the table within a minute. Lemon and tarator on the side.

Where you'd actually eat it: Fish meyhanes in Kumkapı, Çengelköy and along the Kadıköy waterfront. Cold white wine or raki, with the tarator doing the heavy lifting.

From behind the bar: Fry in batches no bigger than a handful. Every extra piece drops the oil temperature and steams the batch you already paid for.

You need

• 700 g / 1.5 lb fresh anchovies, heads and guts removed, spine left in
• 200 g / 1.5 cups fine cornmeal (mısır unu)
• 2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• Sunflower oil for shallow frying
• 1 red onion, sliced thin
• 1 tsp sumac
• Flat-leaf parsley
• Lemon wedges

Method

1. Clean the fish: pinch the head and pull down, and the guts come with it. Leave the backbone — it fries crisp and you eat it.
2. Rinse, drain in a colander 10 minutes, pat dry. Salt lightly and leave 5 minutes.
3. Toss the onion with sumac and chopped parsley for the side salad.
4. Mix cornmeal with salt and pepper in a wide tray. Roll the anchovies in it a few at a time and shake off the loose meal.
5. Heat 1.5 cm of oil in a wide skillet to 350F/175C — a pinch of cornmeal should sizzle and float immediately.
6. Lay the fish in a single layer, tails toward the center like spokes. Fry 2 minutes, flip once, 1.5-2 minutes more, until the coating is set and crisp and the flesh is opaque to the bone.
7. Drain on a rack, salt, and eat straight away with the sumac onions and lemon. They lose their crunch within five minutes and nobody has ever solved that.

Where you'd actually eat it: Winter meyhanes and the balık-ekmek boats at Eminönü, roughly November through February. Raki, cold, with a wedge of white cheese beside it.

From behind the bar: No fresh anchovies where you live? Fresh sardines or smelt fry the same way. Canned or salted anchovies are a different food entirely — do not try.

You need

• 500 g / 1 lb raw shrimp, peeled and deveined
• 3 tbsp butter
• 1 onion, finely diced
• 1 green sivri pepper or half a green bell pepper, diced
• 3 garlic cloves, sliced
• 2 tbsp tomato paste
• 3 ripe tomatoes, grated (or 250 g passata)
• 200 g / 7 oz button mushrooms, quartered (optional, common)
• 1 tsp pul biber
• 1/2 tsp dried oregano
• 150 g / 5 oz kaşar cheese, grated
• Salt, black pepper
• Flat-leaf parsley

Method

1. Heat the oven to 425F/220C with a rack near the top.
2. Melt the butter in a skillet over medium. Cook onion and pepper 6-8 minutes until soft, then add garlic and mushrooms and cook 4 minutes more until the liquid has gone.
3. Stir in the tomato paste and fry it 1 minute — it needs the heat or it stays raw and tinny.
4. Add grated tomato, pul biber, oregano, salt and pepper. Simmer 8-10 minutes until thick enough to hold a line when you drag a spoon through it.
5. Fold in the raw shrimp and pull the pan off the heat immediately. They finish in the oven — cook them twice and they turn to erasers.
6. Divide between small clay güveç dishes or one shallow baking dish. Cover with the kaşar.
7. Bake 8-10 minutes until the cheese is blistered and browned at the edges, the sauce is bubbling, and the shrimp are opaque and firm all the way through. Parsley over the top, bread on the side, serve in the dish.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ara sıcak at fish meyhanes across Kumkapı and the Bosphorus villages. Comes out third or fourth, when the table has slowed down and the raki has not.

From behind the bar: Kaşar substitute: young mild provolone, or low-moisture mozzarella cut with gruyère. Do not use fresh mozzarella — it floods the dish.

You need

• 1 kg / 2 lb lamb small intestine, cleaned by the butcher
• 500 g / 1 lb mixed lamb sweetbreads, heart and kidney
• 2 tbsp lemon juice and 2 tbsp coarse salt, for cleaning
• 1 tbsp dried oregano
• 1 tbsp pul biber
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 2 tsp salt, 1 tsp black pepper
• 2 tomatoes and 2 green peppers, diced, to finish
• Crusty bread or half a baguette

Method

1. Turn the intestines inside out under running water and scrub them with coarse salt and lemon juice, twice. Rinse until the water runs clear and there is no smell. If you are squeamish about this step, order it out instead.
2. Cut the offal into 3 cm chunks, toss with oregano, pul biber, cumin, salt and pepper, and thread onto two long flat skewers.
3. Take one length of intestine and wind it tightly around the skewered offal end to end, overlapping like a bandage, then wind a second layer back the other way. Tie off the ends.
4. Set up a charcoal grill for indirect heat, or heat an oven to 350F/175C with a rack over a tray.
5. Cook slowly, turning every 10 minutes: 75-90 minutes in the oven, up to two hours over coals. The outside should be dark, tight and crackling. Offal gets cooked all the way through — 165F/74C at the center of the bundle, no pink, no exceptions.
6. Slide it off the skewer onto a board and chop hard with a heavy knife or a metal spatula, mixing the crisp casing through the soft interior.
7. Return the chopped mix to a hot flat pan for 2 minutes with more oregano and pul biber, throw in the tomato and pepper, then stuff it into split bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: Kokoreççi windows on Beyoğlu side streets and in Kadıköy, open long after the meyhanes shut. Eaten standing up, with ayran or one more beer.

From behind the bar: A halal or Greek butcher will sell cleaned lamb intestine to order, usually with a day's notice. Do not attempt this with anything frozen and unlabeled.

You need

• 1.2 kg / 2.5 lb chicken wings, tips removed, split at the joint
• 150 g / 2/3 cup full-fat yogurt
• 2 tbsp biber salçası (Turkish red pepper paste)
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 4 garlic cloves, grated
• 1 onion, grated, juice only
• 1 tbsp pul biber
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 2 tsp salt, 1 tsp black pepper
• Sumac and sliced red onion, to serve
• Lavash or pide bread

Method

1. Whisk yogurt, both pastes, oil, garlic, onion juice, pul biber, cumin, salt and pepper into a thick marinade.
2. Coat the wings, cover, refrigerate 4 hours minimum, overnight preferred. The yogurt acid does real work on the texture.
3. Build a charcoal fire and let it burn down to grey-ashed coals — flaming charcoal turns the pepper paste bitter in seconds. Set the grate about 12 cm above the coals.
4. Wipe the excess marinade off each wing. Thick clumps burn before the meat cooks.
5. Grill 16-22 minutes total, turning every 4 minutes, moving pieces off direct heat if flare-ups start.
6. Check the thickest part against the bone: 165F/74C is the safe minimum, but wings eat far better pulled at 175F/80C, once the connective tissue has actually rendered.
7. Pile onto flatbread, top with sumac onions, rest 3 minutes, serve with lemon.

Where you'd actually eat it: Ocakbaşı grill houses in Beyoğlu, Kadıköy and out toward Aksaray, where the grill sits in the middle of the room. Beer, or raki if the table insists.

From behind the bar: No charcoal: oven at 425F/220C on a rack for 30 minutes, then 3 minutes under a hot broiler. Close enough, but you lose the smoke and you will know it.

You need

• 300 g / 1.5 cups dried split broad beans (fava, skinless)
• 1 large onion, roughly chopped
• 1 tsp sugar
• 100 ml / 1/3 cup olive oil, plus more to finish
• 900 ml / 4 cups water
• Juice of 1 lemon
• Large bunch dill, chopped
• 1 red onion, sliced thin, to serve
• Salt

Method

1. Rinse the beans and soak in cold water 4 hours, then drain. Skip the soak and you add half an hour of simmering.
2. Put beans, chopped onion, sugar, half the olive oil and the water in a pot. Bring to a boil, skim the grey foam, drop to a low simmer.
3. Cook uncovered 45-60 minutes, stirring now and then, until the beans have completely collapsed and the mixture is thick like porridge. Add hot water if it catches.
4. Salt to taste, then blend until absolutely smooth. Push it through a sieve if you want the meyhane texture — worth the ten minutes.
5. Beat in the lemon juice and the rest of the olive oil while it is still warm.
6. Pour into a shallow dish or a cling-film-lined loaf tin, about 3 cm deep. Smooth the top. Chill at least 4 hours until firm enough to cut cleanly.
7. Turn out or cut into squares in the dish. Cover with chopped dill, sliced red onion, a heavy pour of olive oil and lemon.

Where you'd actually eat it: On the cold tray at every meyhane from Nevizade to Moda, usually parked next to the piyaz. Raki, and it holds up to a second glass better than most.

From behind the bar: It has to be skinless split fava, not whole dried broad beans — whole ones keep their jackets and never go smooth however long you cook them.

You need

• 4 ripe tomatoes, seeded
• 2 green sivri peppers (or 1 green bell plus 1 jalapeño)
• 1 medium onion
• 3 garlic cloves
• Large handful flat-leaf parsley
• Small handful mint leaves
• 50 g / 1/2 cup walnuts, finely chopped
• 2 tbsp biber salçası (hot red pepper paste)
• 1-2 tbsp pul biber or isot pepper
• 2 tbsp pomegranate molasses
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• Juice of 1/2 lemon
• 1 tsp salt

Method

1. Halve and seed the tomatoes and squeeze out the watery pulp. Wet tomato turns this into soup, and soup does not sit on bread.
2. Chop everything — tomato, peppers, onion, garlic, herbs — by hand to about the size of a lentil. A food processor gives you pink slush.
3. Salt the chopped onion, let it sit 5 minutes, then squeeze it in a paper towel to pull the harshness out.
4. Combine all the chopped vegetables with the walnuts in a bowl.
5. Mix pepper paste, pul biber, pomegranate molasses, olive oil and lemon into a dressing, then fold it through.
6. Rest at room temperature 20 minutes. Not optional — the pepper paste needs time to spread through the whole bowl.
7. Taste for salt and heat, spoon into a shallow dish, more oil over the top. Serve at room temperature with hot bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: On every table in Istanbul whether you ordered it or not, especially at the ocakbaşı grills. Raki, beer, ayran — it does not care which.

From behind the bar: Isot (Urfa pepper) brings smoke and a slow burn; pul biber brings brighter heat. Use both if you have them. Cayenne is a poor stand-in — sharp, no fruit.

You need

• 3 large eggplants
• 3 tbsp olive oil, plus more to finish
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 2 garlic cloves, grated
• 1 tbsp flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• Salt, black pepper
• Optional: 1 green sivri pepper, charred and chopped
• Optional: pomegranate seeds, to finish

Method

1. Pierce each eggplant twice with a knife so it does not explode.
2. Set them directly on a gas burner or over hot charcoal at the highest flame you have. Turn every 4-5 minutes with tongs.
3. Char 20-25 minutes until the skins are completely black and collapsed and the eggplants sag when you lift them. Under-charred means a raw center and no smoke. Take it further than feels reasonable.
4. No gas? Broil at maximum, 8 cm from the element, 25-30 minutes, turning. It is a compromise and it tastes like one, but it works.
5. Put the hot eggplants in a bowl, cover, leave 10 minutes. The steam loosens the skins.
6. Peel off every scrap of black skin. Do not rinse them under the tap — you would wash the smoke down the drain. Then drain the flesh in a sieve 15 minutes.
7. Chop the flesh coarsely with a knife, never a blender. Fold in garlic, lemon, olive oil, salt and pepper. Serve at room temperature with parsley and more oil.

Where you'd actually eat it: Cold tray at every meyhane in the city, and every home kitchen from August to October when the eggplants are cheap. Raki, first round.

From behind the bar: There is a yogurt version too, which is not vegan. This is the zeytinyağlı one — olive oil only, and it is the one that lands on the cold tray.

You need

• 400 g / 14 oz fresh shelled borlotti beans (or 250 g dried, soaked overnight)
• 150 ml / 2/3 cup olive oil
• 2 onions, diced
• 2 carrots, cut in 1 cm rounds
• 2 waxy potatoes, cut in 2 cm dice
• 5 garlic cloves, whole
• 2 tomatoes, grated
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 2 tsp sugar
• 500 ml / 2 cups hot water
• Juice of 1 lemon
• Flat-leaf parsley, salt

Method

1. Using dried beans: drain the soaked beans, cover with fresh water, boil hard 10 minutes, then simmer 40 minutes until just tender. Drain and keep the liquid. Fresh beans skip this step entirely.
2. Heat the olive oil in a wide pot over medium-low. Cook the onions 10 minutes until soft and translucent with no browning. This is an olive oil dish, not a fried one.
3. Add carrot and whole garlic cloves and cook 5 minutes more.
4. Stir in the tomato paste, fry it 1 minute, then add grated tomato, sugar and salt.
5. Add beans, potato and hot water to just cover. Bring to a simmer, cover, cook on low 35-45 minutes until everything is soft and the liquid has reduced to a thick, oily sauce.
6. Off the heat, stir in the lemon juice and let it cool in the pot at least an hour.
7. Serve at room temperature or cold, never hot, with parsley and another slug of raw olive oil. It is better on day two.

Where you'd actually eat it: Standing item on the cold meze tray from Beyoğlu to Kadıköy, and in every zeytinyağlı case at a lokanta. Raki, which it soaks up better than most.

From behind the bar: Use more olive oil than feels sensible. Pilaki is defined by the oil setting into the sauce as it cools — cut it back and you get a wet bean stew.

You need

• Shell: 500 g cooked chickpeas, 3 medium starchy potatoes, 3 tbsp tahini, 1 tsp sugar, 1 tsp salt
• Filling: 1.2 kg onions, sliced very thin
• 150 ml olive oil
• 150 ml tahini
• 50 g dried currants
• 50 g pine nuts
• 2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tsp ground allspice
• 1 tsp ground black pepper
• 1 tbsp sugar, 1.5 tsp salt
• To serve: olive oil, lemon, ground cinnamon

Method

1. Cook the onions in the olive oil over low heat 45-60 minutes, stirring often, until they collapse into a pale sweet mass with no color on them. Rushing this ruins the dish — browned onions make the filling bitter.
2. Off the heat, stir tahini, currants, pine nuts, cinnamon, allspice, pepper, sugar and salt into the onions. Cool completely, then chill until firm.
3. Boil the potatoes whole in their skins 18-22 minutes until a knife goes through easily. Peel while warm and rice or mash them smooth.
4. Mash the chickpeas to a paste — a processor is fine here — and work in the potato, tahini, sugar and salt until you have a stiff, workable dough. Chill 30 minutes.
5. Lay a large square of damp cheesecloth or cling film on the counter. Spread half the dough into a 20 cm circle about 8 mm thick.
6. Pile half the cold filling in the center, then use the cloth to draw the edges up and over, sealing it into a flattened dome. Twist the cloth shut and chill at least 3 hours until firm. Repeat with the rest.
7. Unwrap onto a plate. Serve cold, cut in wedges, with olive oil, lemon juice and a heavy dusting of cinnamon.

Where you'd actually eat it: Armenian meyhanes and delis around Kurtuluş and Samatya, and the Lenten table in March. Raki, cold, and one wedge per person is usually enough.

From behind the bar: Traditionally the shell is made from soaked raw chickpeas peeled by hand. Cooked chickpeas and a processor get you 90 percent of the way in a fraction of the time.

You need

• 750 g / 3 cups full-fat plain yogurt
• 2 garlic cloves, crushed to a paste with a pinch of salt
• 1.5 tbsp dried mint
• 50 g / 1/2 cup walnuts, finely chopped (optional but common)
• 2 tbsp olive oil, plus more to finish
• 1 tsp pul biber
• Salt

Method

1. Line a sieve with a double layer of cheesecloth, tip in the yogurt, set it over a bowl and refrigerate 8-12 hours. You want it thick enough to stand a spoon in.
2. Crush the garlic with salt under the flat of a knife until it is a smooth paste. Chopped garlic leaves hot bites in an otherwise cool dip.
3. Rub the dried mint between your palms into the yogurt — the friction wakes it up. Fresh mint makes a different dish and not this one.
4. Beat garlic, mint, salt and half the olive oil into the strained yogurt until glossy.
5. Fold in the walnuts if using. Rest in the fridge at least 1 hour so the garlic spreads out.
6. Spread in a shallow bowl, drag the back of a spoon through it to make a channel, and pour the rest of the olive oil into it with the pul biber scattered over.
7. Serve cold, with hot bread and whatever came off the grill.

Where you'd actually eat it: On the table at every ocakbaşı in Beyoğlu and Kadıköy before you have ordered anything. Raki, and it is the plate that survives the whole night.

From behind the bar: Süzme yogurt skips the overnight drip. Never low-fat, it weeps. Some meyhanes fold in beyaz peynir — check the label for microbial rennet if that matters to you.

You need

• 3 sheets yufka pastry (or 12 sheets filo, doubled)
• 300 g / 10 oz beyaz peynir or feta, crumbled
• 1 egg, beaten (half for the filling, half for sealing)
• Large handful flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• Sunflower oil for deep frying

Method

1. Mash the cheese with a fork, then mix in half the beaten egg, the parsley and the pepper. No salt — the cheese brings enough.
2. Cut each yufka sheet into 6 triangular wedges. Keep them stacked under a damp towel; yufka goes brittle within minutes of hitting the air.
3. Lay a wedge with the wide edge toward you. Put a finger-thick line of filling across it, leaving 2 cm clear at each end.
4. Fold both sides in over the filling, then roll away from you into a tight cigar. Tight is the whole game — air pockets burst in the oil.
5. Seal the point with the rest of the beaten egg and press it down. Rest the rolls seam-side down while you finish the batch.
6. Heat 5 cm of sunflower oil to 350F/175C. Too cool and they drink oil; too hot and the pastry browns before the cheese melts.
7. Fry 5-6 at a time for 2-3 minutes, turning once, until evenly deep gold and blistered.
8. Drain on a rack, not paper towel, and serve within two minutes. They are only worth eating hot.

Where you'd actually eat it: First plate of the ara sıcak round at meyhanes across Beyoğlu and Kadıköy, and on every home table during Ramazan. Raki, or beer, or tea at four in the morning.

From behind the bar: They freeze raw beautifully. Lay them apart on a tray, freeze solid, bag them, then fry straight from frozen with an extra minute in the oil.

You need

• 600 g pork liver, sliced 5 mm thin
• 300 ml dry white wine
• 4 garlic cloves, crushed
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• Salt and black pepper
• 100 g pork belly or bacon, diced small
• 3 tbsp olive oil or lard
• 600 g small waxy potatoes
• 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
• Chopped parsley

Method

1. Rinse the liver, pull off any membrane, and slice it thin. This is the part people skip and then wonder why it is chewy. Marinate overnight in the fridge with wine, garlic, bay, paprika, salt and pepper.
2. Next day, boil the potatoes in their skins in salted water, 20 to 25 minutes, until a knife goes in clean. Keep them hot.
3. Lift the liver out and pat it dry. Reserve the marinade. Wet liver steams instead of searing.
4. Render the diced pork belly in the oil over medium-high heat until the fat runs and the bits are brown. Push them aside.
5. Sear the liver in a single layer, about 90 seconds a side. Pork offal is one of the few things you cook all the way through, because raw pork liver carries a genuine hepatitis E risk. Take it to 160F/71C with no pink left. At 5 mm it gets there fast, and one minute past that it is shoe leather.
6. Pour the strained marinade into the hot pan, scrape the bottom, and boil it hard for 3 to 4 minutes until glossy and reduced by half. It held raw liver, so it has to boil, not warm. Add the vinegar off the heat.
7. Return the liver and pork bits for 30 seconds, no more. Serve over the split potatoes with the pan sauce poured over and parsley on top.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old workers' tascas around Mouraria and Anjos, at lunch and again at nine at night. House red in a thick glass, no label, poured to the brim by someone who is not asking.

From behind the bar: Reduce the marinade after the liver comes out, never with it in. Boiling liver in wine is how you make gray rubber.

You need

• 1 kg live percebes (gooseneck barnacles)
• 3 liters water
• 180 g coarse sea salt
• 2 bay leaves
• Ice water for shocking

Method

1. Sourcing is the whole problem. Outside Portugal and Spain these are hard to find and expensive. Frozen Iberian percebes are sold online and work fine. There is no substitute that tastes like this. If you cannot get them, cook something else and be honest about it.
2. These are alive. Keep them cold under a damp cloth until they go in, never sealed in a bag or sitting in fresh water. Rinse under cold running water, do not scrub, and discard any that are limp, slimy or smell of ammonia rather than clean seawater.
3. Bring the water to a hard rolling boil with the salt and bay. It should taste aggressively of the sea, roughly 60 g salt per liter.
4. Drop the percebes in all at once. When the water returns to a boil, count 60 to 90 seconds. That is it. Frozen ones need the same, straight from frozen.
5. Drain and either serve immediately, steaming, under a cloth, or shock in ice water if you want them cold. Both are correct depending on the bar.
6. To eat: hold the leathery neck, grip the hard plated end, twist and pull. The neck skin slides off and you eat the pink stalk inside. They squirt seawater on the first pull. Do not wear anything you care about, and do not aim one at somebody's face.

Where you'd actually eat it: Cervejaria counters in Cais do Sodré and along the Avenida, standing, one hand on a beer, price per kilo chalked up where nobody argues with it. Imperial or a cold vinho verde.

From behind the bar: Undercooking is recoverable. Overcooking is not. Ninety seconds maximum, then out of the water, always.

You need

• 1 kg small head-on shrimp, shell on, as fresh as you can get
• 3 liters water
• 180 g coarse sea salt
• 1 bay leaf
• Ice and cold water for shocking
• Flaky salt to finish

Method

1. Keep the shrimp cold until the second they go in. Head-on shrimp go soft fast. If they smell of ammonia, throw them out.
2. Bring water, salt and bay to a hard rolling boil. It should taste like seawater, about 60 g salt per liter. This is the only seasoning the dish gets, so do not go shy.
3. Drop the shrimp in all at once. Small shrimp need 60 to 90 seconds after the water returns to a boil, larger ones 2 to 3 minutes. They are done when the shells go orange and the body curls into a loose C. A tight O means you overcooked them.
4. Lift them straight into ice water for two minutes. This stops the cooking and makes the shells peel clean instead of tearing the meat.
5. Drain hard, spread on a tray, and let the surface dry a minute so salt sticks.
6. Pile on a cold plate, hit with flaky salt, and put an empty bowl next to it for the heads and shells. That bowl filling up is the point of the evening.

Where you'd actually eat it: The marble counter at Ribadouro or Ramiro, late, standing up because there is no seat. Or a plastic bowl at a beach shack in Caparica. Imperial, always, with a second one already ordered.

From behind the bar: Suck the heads. That is where the fat and the flavor are, and skipping them marks you as a tourist faster than anything else.

You need

• 1 live brown crab, 1.2 to 1.5 kg, or one cooked crab from a good fishmonger
• 200 g coarse salt for the cooking water
• 2 tbsp Dijon or Portuguese mustard
• 2 tbsp lager
• 1 tbsp brandy or aguardente
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tsp red wine vinegar
• 1 small onion, minced very fine
• 1 hard-boiled egg, chopped
• 2 tbsp fine dry breadcrumbs
• Chopped parsley, salt, black pepper
• Toast or dry crackers to serve

Method

1. If your crab is live, kill it before cooking. Chill it at least 30 minutes in the freezer to sedate it, lay it on its back, and drive a heavy skewer firmly into the two nerve centers, one under the tail flap and one at the mouth. Do not boil a crab alive. If this is not for you, buy it cooked.
2. Boil in heavily salted water, 60 g per liter, for 15 minutes per kilo. A 1.4 kg crab takes about 21 minutes. Cool it completely before you pick, or you will burn your hands and shred the meat.
3. Open it. Lift the body out of the shell, discard the feathery gills and the stomach sac behind the mouth. Everything else in that shell, the brown paste and the roe, is the dish. Scrape all of it into a bowl.
4. Crack the claws and legs with the back of a knife and pick out every scrap of white meat. This takes 20 minutes and there is no shortcut. Run your fingers through it twice for shell fragments, because one splinter ends the plate.
5. Mash the brown meat with mustard, beer, brandy, olive oil, vinegar and the minced onion until it is a coarse paste. Season hard. Brown crab takes more salt, pepper and acid than feels reasonable.
6. Fold in the white meat, chopped egg and breadcrumbs. The breadcrumbs are there to hold it, not to bulk it out. Keep it loose.
7. Scrub the empty top shell, pack the mix back into it, scatter parsley, chill 30 minutes and put it on the table with toast and a spoon.

Where you'd actually eat it: The cervejaria window on Rua do Alecrim, ordered by people who already ate dinner somewhere else and are not going home yet. Cold white or a bottle of Sagres split three ways.

From behind the bar: The brown meat is the entire dish. Bin it and you have made crab salad, which is not what anyone ordered.

You need

• 4 pig's trotters, split lengthwise by the butcher
• 1 onion, halved
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 tbsp black peppercorns
• Salt
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 6 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 150 ml of the cooking liquid
• 1 large bunch fresh coriander, leaves and thin stems, chopped
• Juice of half a lemon
• Crushed piri-piri, to taste
• Crusty bread

Method

1. Ask the butcher to split the trotters and torch off any bristles. Scrub them under cold water and check the skin for stubble. Deal with this now, not at the table.
2. Cover with cold water in a large pot with onion, bay, peppercorns and a heavy hand of salt. Bring to a bare simmer and hold it there 2.5 to 3 hours. Never let it boil hard or the skin shreds. They are done when the meat slides off the bone with no resistance.
3. Lift them out and let them cool until you can handle them. Strain and keep 500 ml of the cooking liquid. Skim some of the fat, but not all of it. The fat is half the sauce.
4. Pull off the skin, gelatin and meat and cut it into rough bite-size pieces. Bin the small bones, and check for splinters twice.
5. In a wide pan, warm the olive oil over medium heat and cook the minced garlic 60 seconds, until it smells like something but has taken no color. Stir in the flour and cook it out one minute.
6. Whisk in 150 ml of the reserved liquid and let it thicken into a loose sauce, 2 to 3 minutes. Add crushed piri-piri if you want it.
7. Fold in the trotter pieces and warm through 5 minutes. Kill the heat, throw in the coriander and the lemon juice, and stir once.
8. Serve very hot in a shallow bowl, more coriander on top, bread on the side. It sets to jelly as it cools, so put it out immediately.

Where you'd actually eat it: Sunday lunch tascas out in Marvila and Beato that still write the menu on paper. House red, a toothpick, and no conversation at all while people work the bones.

From behind the bar: Do not skim all the fat off. The sauce is fat, gelatin and coriander in an argument. Degrease it properly and you have made soup.

You need

• 300 g thick-cut salt cod loin, good quality
• 250 g cooked chickpeas, drained
• 1 small white onion, sliced paper thin
• 4 tbsp good olive oil, plus more
• 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
• Chopped flat parsley
• Black pepper
• Black olives
• Bread

Method

1. Buy proper thick loin bacalhau, not thin tail pieces. This is eaten raw, so the fish is the whole dish and cheap cod will taste like a salt lick.
2. Rinse the surface salt off, then soak in cold water in the fridge for 24 to 36 hours, changing the water three or four times. Thick loin needs the full time. A long commercial salt cure is what makes raw bacalhau safe to eat; if that worries you, buy cod that was frozen at -4F/-20C for at least seven days before curing, which is what the parasite rules are written around.
3. Taste a thread at 24 hours. It should read seasoned, not salty. If it still bites, keep soaking.
4. Drain and squeeze dry in a towel. Pull the fish apart with your fingers along the grain into thin threads. Do not chop it with a knife. The texture is the point of the dish.
5. Toss the threads with the chickpeas, sliced onion, olive oil, vinegar and plenty of black pepper. No salt. It has been salted for six months already. Chickpeas are standard in the Lisbon version, though someone will tell you that once egg goes in it is a meia-desfeita. Let them.
6. Let it sit 20 minutes at room temperature so the onion softens and the oil takes on the fish. Add parsley and olives, more oil on top, and serve with bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: Tascas in Alcântara and Santos, the ones with football on and a fridge holding nothing but wine. House white, cold enough to hurt your teeth, or a beer if you are still upright.

From behind the bar: Tear it, never cut it, and taste as you desalt. The 20 minutes is assembly; the day and a half of soaking is on you. Every piece of bacalhau is different.

You need

• 400 g beef shin or chuck, in one piece
• 1 onion, minced fine
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 bay leaves
• 150 ml white wine
• 60 g butter
• 80 g all-purpose flour
• 400 ml warm beef stock or the meat's cooking liquid
• Grated nutmeg, salt, black pepper
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 150 g fine dry breadcrumbs
• Flour for dusting
• 1 liter neutral oil for frying
• Mustard, to serve

Method

1. Simmer the beef with bay and a little salt in water to cover for about 2 hours, until it pulls apart with a fork. Keep the liquid. Cool the meat, then chop it very fine by hand or pulse it briefly. Not a paste.
2. Sweat the onion and garlic in the butter over medium heat until soft and pale, 8 minutes. Add the wine and boil it down to almost nothing.
3. Stir in the flour and cook it two full minutes, stirring, until it smells nutty. Add the warm stock a splash at a time, beating it smooth each time, until you have a thick, heavy paste that pulls away from the pan.
4. Fold in the beef, nutmeg, salt and plenty of pepper. It should be stiff enough to stand a spoon in. Spread it on a tray, press plastic wrap onto the surface, and refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight.
5. Roll the cold mix into cylinders about 6 cm long and the thickness of your thumb. Roll each in flour, then beaten egg, then breadcrumbs. Chill the breaded croquettes another 30 minutes.
6. Heat the oil to 350F/175C and check it with a thermometer. Fry in small batches, 3 to 4 minutes, turning, until deep brown all over. Crowding drops the oil and gives you pale, greasy croquettes.
7. Drain on a rack, salt lightly, and eat within ten minutes with mustard. Hot oil is the only real hazard here, so keep the tray away from the pan and never lower in a croquette that is damp.

Where you'd actually eat it: Pastelaria counters at eleven in the morning and beer counters at eleven at night. Same croquete, different crowd. Imperial, mustard if they keep it, eaten in two bites over a paper napkin.

From behind the bar: Chill the filling until it is solid, four hours minimum. Warm filling bursts in the oil and you will spend the night cleaning the stove instead of drinking.

You need

• 1 kg pork belly, skin on, cut into 3 cm cubes
• 2 tbsp coarse salt
• 4 garlic cloves, crushed
• 2 bay leaves
• 150 ml white wine
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• 1 tsp crushed piri-piri or dried chile flakes
• 200 ml water or lard
• Lemon wedges
• Flaky salt

Method

1. Toss the pork cubes with coarse salt, garlic, bay, wine, paprika and chile. Cover and refrigerate at least 4 hours, ideally overnight. Dry the cubes on a towel before cooking, saving the marinade.
2. Put the pork in a wide heavy pan with the water and set it over medium-low. The water steams off, then the fat starts to run. This takes about 40 minutes. Do not rush it and do not stir much.
3. When the pan holds a pool of clear rendered fat and the cubes have shrunk and gone pale gold, they are cooked through. Pork is safe at 145F/63C and these are long past it.
4. Raise the heat until the fat is around 375F/190C and fry the cubes hard for 4 to 6 minutes, turning, until the skin crackles and the edges go dark. Stand back. Rendered fat spits, and the spit reaches.
5. Splash in a spoon of the strained marinade at the very end. It will erupt for a second, then glaze the pork. Do this off the flame if you cook on gas, and keep your face out of the pan.
6. Lift onto a rack, hit with flaky salt, and put lemon wedges on the plate. Eat standing, within five minutes, before the crackling goes soft.

Where you'd actually eat it: Country tascas that moved into the city and never changed the menu, and every bar in town during Santos Populares in June. Red wine in a jug, or the beer already in your hand.

From behind the bar: Two stages or nothing. Low render for forty minutes, then hot fry for four. One-stage torresmos are chewy pork and a wasted kilo of belly.

You need

• 500 g hake roe sacs, intact (cod or gray mullet roe work the same way)
• 1 liter water
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 tbsp salt
• Juice of half a lemon
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 100 g all-purpose flour
• Salt and black pepper
• 250 ml olive oil or neutral oil for shallow frying
• Lemon wedges
• Onion and parsley salad, to serve

Method

1. Handle the sacs gently. The membrane holds them together and once it splits you have scrambled roe. Rinse in cold water and do not pierce them.
2. Poach whole in the water with bay, salt and lemon juice at a bare simmer, never a boil, for 20 minutes. They firm up and go opaque pink. A skewer should meet no soft center.
3. Lift them out with a slotted spoon onto a plate and cool completely, ideally an hour in the fridge. Warm roe collapses under the knife.
4. Slice into coins about 1.5 cm thick. Season the flour with salt and pepper.
5. Heat 1 cm of oil in a skillet to 350F/175C. Dredge each coin in the seasoned flour first, then through the beaten egg, and lay it in the pan away from you. Flour then egg, in that order, the way anything à dourada is done. The reverse slides off in the pan.
6. Fry 2 minutes a side until golden and set. They are already cooked, so this is about the crust, not the interior.
7. Drain on a rack, salt, and serve hot with lemon and a sharp raw onion and parsley salad dressed with vinegar to cut the richness.

Where you'd actually eat it: Fish-market tascas near the Ribeira, before the food hall crowd shows up and doubles the prices. Cold white wine and a plate of pickles nobody asked for.

From behind the bar: Poach whole, cool completely, then slice. Flour first, egg second. Slicing warm roe turns the plate into something that looks like a mistake.

You need

• 800 g cleaned cuttlefish, cut into strips 1.5 cm wide
• 4 garlic cloves, crushed
• 2 bay leaves
• 100 ml white wine
• Juice of 1 lemon
• Salt and black pepper
• 200 g all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• 1 liter neutral oil for frying
• Lemon wedges and piri-piri sauce, to serve

Method

1. Buy cuttlefish, not squid. Cuttlefish is thicker and sweeter and it is the whole identity of the dish. If your fishmonger only has squid, say so out loud, because anyone from Setúbal will know at the first bite.
2. Clean it, pull off the outer membrane, and cut into finger-width strips. Marinate 1 hour in the fridge with garlic, bay, wine, lemon juice, salt and pepper.
3. Drain and dry the strips hard between towels. This is the step that matters. Wet cuttlefish going into 350F/175C oil throws boiling fat across the room and can catch. Dry means dry.
4. Season the flour with paprika, salt and pepper. Toss the strips through it and shake off every loose bit.
5. Heat the oil to 350F/175C and check with a thermometer. Fry in small batches for 3 to 4 minutes, until the coating is deep gold and the edges have curled.
6. Cuttlefish has two windows: under 4 minutes or over 40. Anything in between is a rubber band. Stay in the first one.
7. Drain on a rack, salt while hot, and serve with lemon and piri-piri. Chips and a plain lettuce salad if you are pretending it is dinner.

Where you'd actually eat it: Tascas out past Areeiro and Penha de França, where Lisbon does it properly, and the ferry crowd back from Setúbal who will tell you it is still wrong. Imperial. Never anything but an imperial.

From behind the bar: Dry the cuttlefish until the towel comes away clean. Water in hot oil is the one genuine way to hurt yourself in this recipe.

You need

• 8 small horse mackerel, about 150 g each, gutted (mackerel or sardines work)
• 2 tbsp coarse salt
• 2 liters water
• 1 bay leaf
• 6 tbsp good olive oil
• 3 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 4 garlic cloves, sliced thin
• 1 small onion, sliced paper thin
• Chopped parsley or coriander
• Dried oregano
• Black pepper
• Boiled new potatoes and bread

Method

1. Salt the gutted fish inside and out and leave them in the fridge overnight, uncovered on a rack. This firms the flesh so it survives being handled later.
2. Rinse the salt off. Bring the water to a bare simmer with bay, slide the fish in, and hold it just below a simmer for 8 to 10 minutes, until the flesh at the spine reads 145F/63C and lets go of the bone. It must never boil or the fish falls apart in the pot.
3. Lift them out onto a tray and let them cool until they are warm but handleable, around 5 minutes.
4. Now the work. While still warm, peel the skin off in sheets, lift the top fillet away, pull the spine out from the head end, and take the bottom fillet off whole. Warm fish releases its bones. Cold fish does not.
5. Lay the fillets flat in a shallow dish. Scatter over the sliced garlic and onion, then pour on the olive oil and vinegar and season with oregano, pepper and a little more salt.
6. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours, better overnight. The vinegar and garlic need to get into the fish.
7. Serve cold from the fridge with the oil spooned over, herbs on top, boiled potatoes and bread. Eat within two days.

Where you'd actually eat it: Lisbon tascas keep a tray of it in the fridge all summer, southern in origin and naturalized here decades ago. Ask, and it comes out cold on a chipped plate. Vinho verde or a beer, and bread for the vinegar.

From behind the bar: Bone them warm, dress them warm, eat them cold. Get that order wrong and you have a bowl of expensive fish paste.

You need

• 1.5 kg boneless pork leg or shoulder, skin on
• 6 garlic cloves, crushed
• 2 tbsp coarse salt
• 1 tbsp sweet paprika
• 2 tsp black pepper
• 3 bay leaves
• 250 ml white wine
• 2 tbsp lard or olive oil
• 200 g ripe Queijo Serra da Estrela, at room temperature (Spanish Torta del Casar is the closest substitute)
• 6 soft papo-seco rolls or any soft crusty white roll
• Mustard, optional

Method

1. Rub the pork all over with garlic, salt, paprika and pepper. Refrigerate uncovered overnight. This seasons it and dries the skin.
2. Put it in a roasting dish with the bay, wine and lard, skin side up. Roast at 300F/150C for 3 to 4 hours, basting every 45 minutes with the pan juices.
3. Pork is safe at 145F/63C, but that is not what you want here. Take it to 190F/88C internal, when a fork twists in the meat with no resistance. Go by the fork, not the clock. Under-roasted pernil slices instead of pulling and the sandwich is ruined.
4. Raise the oven to 450F/230C for the last 15 minutes to crisp the skin, then rest the meat 20 minutes before touching it.
5. Pull the meat into rough shreds with two forks, chop some of the crisp skin through it, and moisten it with the skimmed pan juices. Keep it hot.
6. Split the rolls, spoon a thick slab of cheese onto the bottom half, and pile hot pork straight on top so the cheese slumps into it. Lid on, press once, hand it over.
7. Eat standing at a counter over a paper napkin, with a small cold beer. Sitting down is optional and mostly discouraged.

Where you'd actually eat it: The counter at Nova Pombalina in Baixa, standing, no seat and no debate about the menu. Imperial or a glass of red. Lunch, or the last thing eaten before a night ends badly.

From behind the bar: Serra da Estrela is a thistle-rennet sheep cheese, cut open at the top and spooned. Torta del Casar is the same idea. Taleggio at a push. Never cheddar. It has to slump, not stretch.

You need

• 1 beef tongue, 1.2 to 1.5 kg (veal or pork tongue works, cut the simmer by a third)
• 1 onion, halved, plus 2 large onions sliced thin
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 tbsp black peppercorns
• Coarse salt
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 5 garlic cloves, sliced
• 1 tbsp sweet paprika
• 250 ml dry red wine
• 2 ripe tomatoes, grated, or 2 tbsp tomato paste
• 500 ml of the tongue cooking liquid
• 1 tsp red wine vinegar
• Crushed piri-piri, optional
• Chopped parsley, bread, toothpicks

Method

1. Scrub the tongue under cold running water. It looks like exactly what it is. Deal with that now, at the sink, not later in front of people.
2. Cover it with cold water in a deep pot with the halved onion, bay, peppercorns and a heavy hand of salt. Bring to a bare simmer, around 195F/90C, and hold it there 2.5 to 3 hours. Never a hard boil. It is done when a skewer goes into the thickest part with no resistance; this is collagen, so time does the work, not a target temperature.
3. Peel it while it is still hot, because cold tongue will not give up its skin. Hold it in a towel or wear gloves, since this is the one real burn risk in the recipe. Slit the tough outer skin along the top and pull it away in sheets, then trim the gristle and small bones at the throat end and bin them.
4. Let it cool 20 minutes, then slice across the grain about 1 cm thick. Strain the cooking liquid and keep 500 ml.
5. In a wide pan, cook the sliced onion and garlic in the olive oil over medium heat for 15 minutes, until collapsed and just going gold. Stir in the paprika, add the wine, and boil it down by half.
6. Add the tomato and the reserved liquid and simmer 15 minutes into a loose sauce. Season hard, and add piri-piri if you want it.
7. Lay the slices in, cover, and simmer 20 minutes so the sauce gets into the meat. Vinegar off the heat. Serve in a shallow dish with parsley, bread and a jar of toothpicks.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old casas de pasto in Anjos and Alcântara that still keep a hot tray behind the counter. Ordered by men eating with their coats on. House red, at half past two and again at nine.

From behind the bar: Peel it hot. Ten minutes cold and the skin welds itself on, and you end up carving away the meat you paid for.

You need

• 300g salt cod (bacalhau), thick loin
• 400g floury potatoes
• 1 small onion, grated
• 2 eggs
• 3 tbsp chopped flat parsley
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• white pepper
• grated nutmeg
• neutral oil for deep frying

Method

1. Desalt the cod: submerge in cold water in the fridge for 24-36 hours, changing the water three times a day. Thick loin needs the full 36.
2. Poach the cod in barely simmering water for 8-10 minutes. Drain, cool, then strip skin and bones and shred the flesh very fine with your fingers.
3. Boil the potatoes whole in their skins until a knife slides through, about 25 minutes. Peel while hot, rice them, then dry the puree in a dry pan over low heat for 2-3 minutes.
4. Combine equal weights of dry potato and shredded cod. Work in the onion, parsley, olive oil, eggs, white pepper and a scrape of nutmeg. Salt only after tasting; the cod carries plenty.
5. Chill the mix 30 minutes. Shape quenelles between two soup spoons, passing the mix back and forth until the sides are smooth and ridged.
6. Heat oil to 350F/175C. Fry 4-5 at a time for 3-4 minutes until deep gold, keeping the oil above 335F/168C.
7. Drain on a rack, not paper. Salt lightly and eat within five minutes.

Where you'd actually eat it: Eaten standing at any Baixa pastelaria counter, or hot out of the fryer in a Mouraria tasca, imperial in the other hand. Skip the piped rosette-shaped ones.

From behind the bar: Equal weights cooked potato and flaked cod, and dry the potato out before mixing. A wet mix disintegrates in the oil and takes the batch with it.

You need

• 250g salt cod, desalted
• 2 eggs
• 150g plain flour
• 200ml water or light beer
• 1 small onion, finely chopped
• 3 tbsp chopped flat parsley
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• black pepper
• neutral oil for shallow frying

Method

1. Desalt the cod in cold water in the fridge for 24 hours, changing the water three times. Poach 8 minutes, cool, then shred, discarding skin and bone.
2. Whisk eggs with the water or beer, then beat in the flour until you have a batter the thickness of pancake batter. Rest it 20 minutes.
3. Fold in the cod, onion, garlic, parsley and plenty of black pepper. Salt only if it needs it.
4. Heat 1.5cm of oil in a wide pan to 340F/170C.
5. Drop in tablespoons of batter and flatten them slightly. Fry 2-3 minutes per side until the edges are brown and crisp.
6. Drain on a rack. Serve immediately, with lemon if you want it, though most places do not bother.

Where you'd actually eat it: Lunch counters across Alfama and Graça serve them with tomato rice as a plate. As a petisco they come alone, with a copo of house red.

From behind the bar: Thin the batter more than feels right. Thick batter gives you a doughy pancake; thin batter gives the ragged crisp edges that make it a patanisca.

You need

• 500ml water
• 60g butter
• 1 tsp salt
• 350g plain flour
• 250g raw shrimp, peeled and chopped
• 30g butter for the filling
• 30g flour
• 300ml whole milk
• 1 small onion, minced
• 2 tbsp chopped parsley
• nutmeg, white pepper, lemon juice
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 200g fine dry breadcrumbs
• neutral oil for deep frying

Method

1. Filling: sweat the onion in 30g butter, stir in 30g flour and cook 2 minutes. Add the milk in stages, whisking to a very thick béchamel.
2. Stir in the chopped shrimp and cook 3-4 minutes until they turn opaque and firm. Add parsley, nutmeg, white pepper, salt and a squeeze of lemon. Spread on a tray and chill until cold and stiff, about 1 hour.
3. Dough: bring the water, 60g butter and salt to a boil. Off the heat, dump in the flour all at once and beat to a ball. Turn out and knead on an oiled surface until smooth. It will be hot; work fast.
4. Roll the warm dough 2mm thin. Cut 9cm rounds, put a spoon of cold filling on each, fold and seal hard with your fingers or a fork.
5. Chill the shaped rissóis 30 minutes. Pass through beaten egg, then breadcrumbs. A second pass through egg and crumb gives a better shell.
6. Fry at 340F/170C for 3-4 minutes until deep gold, turning once. Drain on a rack.
7. Freeze them raw and breaded, on trays. Fry from frozen at 325F/163C for 6-7 minutes; the filling must come out steaming, not cool in the middle.

Where you'd actually eat it: Every pastelaria case, every christening, every cervejaria. Order two with an imperial while you wait for the shellfish to arrive at Ramiro.

From behind the bar: The filling must be cold and stiff before it goes near the dough. Warm béchamel makes the pastry slip and every rissol bursts in the fryer.

You need

• 1kg small clams (amêijoa, vongole or Manila)
• 100ml good olive oil
• 6 garlic cloves, sliced
• 1 large bunch coriander, roughly chopped
• 120ml dry white wine
• 1 lemon
• black pepper
• coarse salt for purging
• crusty bread

Method

1. Purge the clams: 2 hours in cold water with 35g salt per litre, in the fridge. Discard any with cracked shells, and any that stay open when tapped.
2. Warm the olive oil in a wide pan over medium heat and cook the garlic gently for 2 minutes. Do not let it color past pale gold.
3. Add the wine, bring to a boil, then tip in the clams and cover.
4. Cook 4-6 minutes, shaking the pan, until the shells open. Pull the pan off the heat the moment most are open; the last stragglers will finish in the residual heat.
5. Throw in the coriander, stems included, and a heavy grind of black pepper. Toss once.
6. Serve straight from the pan with lemon wedges and enough bread to finish the broth. Discard any clam that stayed shut.

Where you'd actually eat it: Cervejarias in Cais do Sodré and Intendente, on a metal plate, with a cold vinho verde branco or an imperial. Ordered by weight and shared badly.

From behind the bar: Use more coriander than you think and add it off the heat. Cooked coriander goes flat and grassy; raw coriander hitting hot broth is the whole point.

You need

• 1kg small live snails, purged (or 700g cooked snails, jarred or frozen)
• 2 tbsp dried oregano
• 6 garlic cloves, crushed
• 1 onion, sliced
• 2 bay leaves
• 1-2 dried piri-piri chiles
• 1 tbsp coarse salt
• black pepper
• olive oil

Method

1. If the snails are live, they must be purged: a week in a ventilated box without food, then washed in cold water three separate times until the rinse runs clear. Discard any that are not sealed or moving.
2. Put the live snails in a pot of cold, unseasoned water and set it over the lowest heat. They come out of their shells as it warms. Never start them in hot water; they retract and stay retracted.
3. When the water is hot and the snails are extended, raise the heat, skim the scum, and add the salt, oregano, garlic, onion, bay and piri-piri.
4. Simmer 45 minutes, uncovered, until they are tender all the way through and the broth tastes of oregano. Taste and add salt; the broth should be assertive.
5. Using jarred or frozen cooked snails instead: build the seasoned broth first, simmer it 15 minutes, then add the snails and hold at a bare simmer for 20 minutes to take on flavor. Honest note: they will be softer and less mineral than live ones.
6. Serve warm in bowls with a ladle of broth and a pile of toothpicks. Suck, pick, drink, repeat.

Where you'd actually eat it: May through August only, at kiosks and terrace tascas in Anjos and Alvalade, late afternoon, with an imperial and a paper napkin under the bowl.

From behind the bar: Live snails must be purged before they go near your pot. If you cannot source purged ones, buy them cooked in brine and put your effort into the broth.

You need

• 500g beef sirloin or rump, cut in 2cm cubes
• 4 garlic cloves, sliced
• 150ml dry white wine
• 3 bay leaves
• 30g butter
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp mustard
• 150g pickled vegetables (cornichons, carrot, cauliflower)
• green olives
• 1 dried piri-piri chile, crumbled
• salt, black pepper
• bread

Method

1. Salt the beef and leave it at room temperature 20 minutes. Dry the surface hard with paper towel or it will steam instead of brown.
2. Heat the olive oil in a heavy skillet until it shimmers. Sear the beef in two batches, 90 seconds without moving it, then toss for another minute. Pull it out at medium-rare, around 130-135F/54-57C; take it to 145F/63C if you want the USDA whole-cut standard.
3. Lower the heat, add the butter, garlic, bay and piri-piri. Cook 1 minute until the garlic is fragrant, not brown.
4. Deglaze with the white wine, scraping the pan, and reduce by half, about 3 minutes.
5. Whisk in the mustard, return the beef and any resting juices, and toss for 30 seconds. Do not simmer it; the beef is already cooked.
6. Tip into a shallow dish, scatter pickles and olives over the top, and stab in a handful of toothpicks. Bread to finish the sauce.

Where you'd actually eat it: Bairro Alto and Campo de Ourique tascas, on a metal dish, with a jug of house red. Pork works as well and costs less; cook pork cubes through to 145F/63C.

From behind the bar: Sear the beef, build the sauce, then reunite them for thirty seconds. Beef left to stew in the wine turns gray and chewy.

You need

• 700g chicken gizzards, trimmed of silverskin
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 5 garlic cloves, minced
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 150ml dry white wine
• 400g crushed tomatoes
• 1 tbsp sweet paprika
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 dried piri-piri chile
• 1 tsp massa de pimentão (red pepper paste), optional
• salt, black pepper
• chopped parsley
• bread

Method

1. Trim the gizzards: cut away the tough silver membrane and any yellow lining. Rinse and drain well.
2. Sweat the onion in the olive oil over medium-low heat for 8 minutes until soft, then add the garlic, bay and piri-piri for 1 minute.
3. Stir in the paprika and pepper paste off the heat so the paprika does not scorch. Return to the heat, add the gizzards, and toss to coat.
4. Pour in the wine, raise the heat and let it boil for 2 minutes. Add the tomatoes and 200ml water. Season.
5. Cover and simmer at a bare bubble for 90-120 minutes, checking the liquid. They are done when a gizzard yields to a fork with no bounce and reads at least 165F/74C.
6. Uncover and reduce the sauce until it clings, about 10 minutes. Finish with parsley. Better the next day.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old-guard tascas in Mouraria and Intendente, held hot on the counter, dished out for a couple of euros with a copo of tinto.

From behind the bar: Undercooked gizzards are rubber. There is no shortcut past the two hours. If it still fights the fork, it needs another twenty minutes.

You need

• 1 chouriço de carne or chouriço corrente, about 250g, cured and ready to eat
• 30ml aguardente or bagaço (grape spirit); brandy works
• crusty bread
• clay chouriço roaster (assador de barro), optional

Method

1. Score the sausage diagonally every 1.5cm, cutting through the casing but not to the center.
2. In a clay roaster: sit the sausage on the ridge, pour the aguardente into the well below, and light it with a long match. It burns 6-8 minutes. Turn the sausage once with tongs halfway.
3. No roaster: broil 10cm from the element for 6-8 minutes, turning twice, until the cuts have opened and the fat is bubbling out. It should be sizzling and blistered, not shriveled.
4. Rest 2 minutes, then slice on the diagonal.
5. Serve on the hot dish with bread pressed into the rendered fat.
6. Sourcing: use Portuguese chouriço, not Spanish chorizo. Spanish chorizo is drier and heavier on pimentón and reads as the wrong dish. Make sure it is cured, not a fresh sausage.

Where you'd actually eat it: Arrives flaming at tables in Bairro Alto and Alfama, usually the first thing ordered. Red wine with it. Beer fights the smoke.

From behind the bar: Measure the spirit into the dish before you light it, never pour from the bottle onto a live flame, and keep a lid nearby to smother it.

You need

• 1 farinheira, about 200g
• 6 eggs
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• black pepper
• chopped parsley
• bread or fried potatoes to serve

Method

1. Slit the farinheira lengthwise and squeeze the paste out of the casing. Discard the skin.
2. Warm the olive oil in a nonstick pan over medium heat and add the paste, breaking it up with a spoon.
3. Fry 5-6 minutes, stirring, until it darkens, smells smoky and reaches 160F/71C throughout. It renders a lot of orange fat; pour off half of it.
4. Beat the eggs loosely with black pepper. No salt; the farinheira brings it.
5. Drop the heat to low, pour in the eggs and stir slowly with a spatula for 2-3 minutes until just set and still glossy. Portuguese ovos mexidos are wetter than American scrambled eggs. If you want the eggs fully set at 160F/71C, give them another minute.
6. Slide onto a warm plate, scatter parsley, serve with bread or fried potatoes.
7. Sourcing: farinheira lives in Portuguese and Brazilian grocers. There is no true substitute. A soft cooking chouriço gets you a good dish, but a different one, and you should say so.

Where you'd actually eat it: Lunch-counter tascas across Anjos and Arroios, often with migas or fried potatoes. A copo of tinto, and a bica after.

From behind the bar: Pull the eggs while they still look slightly underdone. The pan finishes them, and overcooked farinheira eggs go grainy and greasy.

You need

• 500g pork loin, sliced 3-4mm thin
• 6 garlic cloves, crushed
• 250ml dry white wine
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• 1 tsp massa de pimentão (red pepper paste), optional
• 1-2 dried piri-piri chiles
• 2 tbsp lard or olive oil
• salt, black pepper
• 4 papo-secos or crusty white rolls
• yellow mustard and piri-piri sauce to serve

Method

1. Pound the pork slices thin between plastic wrap if your butcher cut them thick. Thin is the whole architecture of the sandwich.
2. Marinate the pork with the garlic, wine, bay, paprika, pepper paste, piri-piri, salt and pepper for at least 4 hours, ideally overnight in the fridge.
3. Lift the pork out and pat it dry, keeping the marinade. Sear the slices in hot lard or oil, 45 seconds a side, working in batches so the pan stays hot.
4. Return everything to the pan, pour in the reserved marinade, and simmer 6-8 minutes. The marinade must come to a full boil, and the pork must reach 145F/63C.
5. Split the rolls and press the cut faces into the sauce in the pan for a few seconds.
6. Pile 3-4 slices per roll, spoon over more sauce, add mustard and piri-piri. Eat leaning forward.

Where you'd actually eat it: Counter bars all over the city, standing up, with an imperial at eleven in the morning and nobody judging. The Vendas Novas version, an hour out in the Alentejo, is soupier.

From behind the bar: Sauce goes on the bread before the meat. A dry roll turns a bifana into a sad pork sandwich, and there is no fixing it after the fact.

You need

• 4 thin beef steaks (rump or sirloin), about 100g each, 1cm thick
• 4 garlic cloves
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 tbsp butter
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• 60ml dry white wine, optional
• 4 papo-secos or crusty rolls
• mustard
• salt, black pepper
• 4 eggs, optional

Method

1. Pound the steaks to about 7mm. Cut slits in the meat and push slivers of garlic into them. That is the nail.
2. Salt both sides and leave 15 minutes at room temperature. Dry the surface before it hits the pan.
3. Get a heavy skillet very hot. Add the oil, then the steaks, and sear 60-90 seconds a side for medium-rare, around 130F/54C. Whole cuts hit the USDA standard at 145F/63C if you prefer.
4. Drop the heat, add the butter, bay and remaining crushed garlic, and baste the steaks for 30 seconds. Deglaze with the wine if using and let it bubble down.
5. Rest the steaks 2 minutes. Split the rolls and mop the cut faces through the pan butter.
6. Build: mustard, steak, a spoon of pan juices. A fried egg on top makes it a prego com ovo a cavalo, which is what you order at two in the morning.

Where you'd actually eat it: The closer at the big cervejarias. At Ramiro it is ordered as dessert, after the crab, with the last imperial of the night.

From behind the bar: Thin steak, hot pan, ninety seconds. Anything longer and you are eating a rubber gasket with garlic in it.

You need

• 1 octopus, about 1.2kg, cleaned (frozen is fine and tenderizes it)
• 1 onion, halved, for the pot
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 red onion, diced fine
• 1 green bell pepper, diced fine
• 4 tbsp chopped coriander or flat parsley
• 120ml good olive oil
• 3 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• salt, black pepper

Method

1. Freeze the octopus for at least 48 hours and thaw it before cooking, or buy it frozen. This breaks down the muscle and is the single biggest factor in tenderness.
2. Bring a large pot of unsalted water to a boil with the halved onion and bay. Dip the octopus in and out three times so the tentacles curl, then lower it in.
3. Simmer gently, never at a rolling boil, for 45-60 minutes. It is done when a skewer slides into the thickest part of a tentacle with no resistance. Let it cool in the cooking water for 30 minutes.
4. Drain and cut into 1.5cm pieces, keeping some suckers on for texture.
5. While still slightly warm, dress with olive oil, vinegar, garlic, salt and pepper. Warm octopus absorbs dressing, cold octopus wears it.
6. Fold in the red onion, pepper and coriander. Chill at least 2 hours and keep it refrigerated until it goes on the table. Taste again before serving; it will need more vinegar and salt than you expect.

Where you'd actually eat it: Set down at cervejarias while you read the menu, in a small dish alongside the bread and olives. Cold white wine or a Sagres.

From behind the bar: Never salt the cooking water. Salt tightens the octopus early and you will spend an extra half hour trying to undo it.

You need

• 12 whole fresh sardines, scales on
• coarse sea salt
• thick slices of country bread or broa (corn bread)
• boiled new potatoes, to serve
• roasted pepper salad, to serve
• lemon wedges
• olive oil

Method

1. Rinse the sardines and pat them dry. Bury them in coarse salt, or salt them heavily on both sides, and leave 45-60 minutes in the fridge. Brush the excess off before grilling.
2. Build a charcoal fire and let it burn to gray ash with hot embers. Sardines want fierce, direct, dry heat. A gas grill on maximum is second best.
3. Grill the sardines directly on a clean, hot grate, 3-4 minutes per side. The skin should blister and split and the flesh at the spine should be opaque. Turn once only.
4. Lay a thick slice of bread on a plate and put two or three sardines straight on top so the oil and juices soak in.
5. Serve with boiled potatoes, roasted pepper salad and lemon. Eat with your hands: pull the fillets off the spine, mash the bread into the oil.
6. Honest note: this does not work indoors. Without charcoal you get baked fish and a smoke alarm. Frozen sardines are acceptable in the off-season; they will be softer.

Where you'd actually eat it: Santo António in June turns Alfama and Graça into one long grill, eaten standing with a beer. Otherwise any cervejaria terrace in summer.

From behind the bar: Sardines are worth eating from June to October, when the fat peaks. Outside that window they are thin and dry and no amount of charcoal saves them.

You need

• 2 pig ears, cleaned and shaved
• 1 onion, halved
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 tbsp black peppercorns
• coarse salt
• 6 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 large bunch coriander, chopped
• 100ml olive oil
• 4 tbsp white wine vinegar
• 1 dried piri-piri chile, crumbled
• black pepper

Method

1. Scrub the ears well and check for stubble; singe any remaining hairs over a flame and scrape them off.
2. Cover with cold water in a deep pot with the onion, bay, peppercorns and a heavy hand of salt. Bring to a boil, skim, then simmer 90-120 minutes until a knife goes through the thick part easily.
3. Cool the ears in the liquid for 30 minutes, then lift out and chill fully in the fridge. Cold ear slices far better than warm.
4. Slice into 3-4mm strips across the grain, cartilage and all.
5. Dress with the garlic, coriander, olive oil, vinegar, piri-piri and black pepper. Toss and taste; it should be sharp.
6. Marinate in the fridge at least 4 hours, ideally overnight, stirring twice. Take it out 20 minutes before serving, with bread and toothpicks.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old tascas in Mouraria, Beato and Marvila, in a small dish next to the tremoços. House red, or a beer if the vinegar is aggressive.

From behind the bar: Chill the ears completely before slicing. Warm ear tears into shreds instead of clean strips, and the texture is the entire dish.

You need

• 1.2kg chicken wings, split at the joint
• 8 dried or fresh piri-piri (bird's eye) chiles
• 6 garlic cloves
• 1 tsp coarse salt
• 120ml olive oil
• 4 tbsp white wine vinegar
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• 2 bay leaves, crumbled
• 1 lemon
• black pepper

Method

1. Make the piri-piri: pound the chiles, garlic and salt to a paste, then whisk in the olive oil, vinegar, paprika, crumbled bay and a squeeze of lemon. It should be a loose, sharp, split sauce. Let it sit an hour.
2. Set aside a third of the sauce in a separate covered bowl for finishing. Toss the wings in the rest and marinate 2-4 hours in the fridge.
3. Heat the oven to 425F/220C. Arrange the wings on a rack over a sheet pan, skin up, in one layer.
4. Roast 30-35 minutes, turning once, until the skin is browned and blistered and the thickest part reads 165F/74C on a thermometer.
5. For char, finish 3-4 minutes under the broiler or 5 minutes over hot charcoal.
6. Brush with the reserved sauce off the heat, add another squeeze of lemon, and serve with bread and cold beer.
7. Substitution note: if you cannot find piri-piri chiles, Thai bird chiles are the closest in heat and shape. Cayenne powder is not.

Where you'd actually eat it: Churrasqueiras and beer halls all over the city; Bonjardim off Restauradores is the famous one, for whole birds. Wings are the counter portion, with an imperial and fries.

From behind the bar: Split the sauce before the chicken touches it. Anything that has been near raw chicken does not go on the finished plate.

You need

• 500g jarred or vacuum-packed cooked lupini beans
• 1 litre water
• 30g fine sea salt
• 1 lemon, optional
• (from dried: 500g dried lupini beans, plus a week)

Method

1. From cooked beans: drain and rinse them thoroughly under cold running water, rubbing to wash off the packing brine.
2. Dissolve the salt in the water, submerge the beans, and refrigerate at least 24 hours. Change the brine once. They should taste clean and salty with no bitterness at the back of the throat.
3. Serve very cold in their brine, in a bowl, with a second empty bowl for the skins. A squeeze of lemon is a Lisbon habit, not a rule.
4. From dried, if you insist: soak the beans 24 hours in cold water, then boil 30 minutes.
5. Then soak in fresh cold water in the fridge for 5-7 days, changing the water twice a day, every day. This is not optional and cannot be shortened.
6. From day five, taste one bean each day. Any bitterness at all means the alkaloids are still there and it needs more days. When it tastes neutral like a chickpea, brine as above.

Where you'd actually eat it: Arrives with the first imperial at any tasca or kiosk, alongside the olives. Nobody orders them. The bowl of skins tells the waiter how long you have been there.

From behind the bar: Under-soaked lupini carry quinolizidine alkaloids and will make you genuinely sick. Bitter means not ready. Buy them cooked and skip the argument.

You need

• 400g flat green beans (runner beans), topped and tailed
• 150g plain flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 200ml cold lager (unfined, if you are strict about isinglass)
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tsp salt
• black pepper
• neutral oil for deep frying
• lemon wedges

Method

1. Blanch the beans in well-salted boiling water for 3-4 minutes until bright and just tender. Drop into ice water, then dry them completely on a towel. Wet beans repel batter.
2. Whisk the flour, baking powder, salt and pepper. Beat in the cold beer and the olive oil to a batter slightly thicker than heavy cream. Rest 15 minutes. Do not overmix.
3. Heat the frying oil to 350F/175C.
4. Dip beans one or two at a time, let the excess batter run off, and lower them into the oil. Fry in small batches for 2-3 minutes until pale gold and crisp.
5. Keep the oil above 335F/168C between batches or the batter drinks oil and goes heavy.
6. Drain on a rack, salt immediately, serve with lemon.
7. Honest note: most Portuguese recipes put whole eggs in the polme. This egg-free beer batter is a genuine and common version, and it is the one that is actually vegan. The usual dip alongside is mayonnaise, which is not.

Where you'd actually eat it: Tascas and petisqueiras across Alfama and Príncipe Real, usually with a mayonnaise dip on the side you can wave away. Cold vinho verde branco.

From behind the bar: Cold batter into hot oil is the whole trick. Keep the beer in the fridge until the second you use it and never let the batter sit warm.

You need

• 1kg small waxy potatoes, skin on
• 4 tbsp coarse sea salt
• 120ml good olive oil
• 6 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
• 2 bay leaves
• chopped flat parsley
• black pepper

Method

1. Scrub the potatoes and dry them. Toss with a little olive oil and the coarse salt so the skins are crusted.
2. Bake at 400F/200C for 45-55 minutes, until the skins are wrinkled and a knife meets no resistance.
3. While they bake, warm the olive oil gently with the garlic and bay over low heat for 8-10 minutes. The garlic should go pale gold and no further; burnt garlic ruins the oil.
4. Take the potatoes out and, one at a time, press down with your palm or the flat of a knife until each one cracks open. They should split, not flatten to mush.
5. Return the split potatoes to a dish, pour the hot garlic oil over them so it runs into the cracks, and put them back in the oven for 5-8 minutes.
6. Finish with parsley, black pepper and more coarse salt. Serve hot, straight from the dish.

Where you'd actually eat it: Honestly a side, sent out with grilled fish or bacalhau in every tasca, but it holds its own on a shared table with red wine. Nobody calls it vegan; it just is.

From behind the bar: Use small potatoes, not medium ones cut down. The point is a whole crusted skin holding a split center, and a cut potato has no skin to hold it.

You need

• 4 large red and yellow bell peppers
• 4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
• 100ml good olive oil
• 3 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp coarse salt
• black pepper
• chopped flat parsley, optional
• bread

Method

1. Heat the oven to 425F/220C. Set the whole peppers on a sheet pan and roast 30-40 minutes, turning twice, until the skins are blistered and blackened in patches. Charcoal or a gas flame is better if you have one.
2. Put the hot peppers in a bowl and cover it tightly for 15 minutes. The trapped steam lifts the skins.
3. Peel off the skins with your fingers, pull out the stems and seeds, and tear the flesh into wide strips. Do not rinse them under water; you will wash the flavor down the drain.
4. Save every drop of juice from the bowl and pan; it goes into the dressing.
5. Combine the strips with the garlic, olive oil, vinegar, salt, pepper and reserved juices.
6. Marinate 2 hours at cool room temperature, or overnight in the fridge, and serve at room temperature with bread. Keep it refrigerated if it is going to sit longer than that.

Where you'd actually eat it: On the table next to the sardines every June, and standing in a big glass bowl on every tasca counter. Bread for the bottom of the dish, house red.

From behind the bar: Peel with your fingers, never under running water, and keep the juice in the bowl. Pooled juice plus oil and vinegar is the dressing.

You need

• 800g fresh or frozen broad beans (fava), podded
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
• 5 garlic cloves, minced
• 5 tbsp olive oil
• 150ml dry white wine
• 1 large bunch coriander, chopped, stems included
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• salt, black pepper
• bread

Method

1. If using fresh beans in the pod, pod them. Older, larger beans should also be blanched 2 minutes and slipped out of their gray inner skins; young or frozen beans do not need it.
2. Sweat the onion in the olive oil over medium-low heat for 8-10 minutes until soft and sweet. Add the garlic and bay for 1 minute.
3. Stir in the paprika off the heat, then return to the heat and add the beans, turning to coat them in the oil.
4. Pour in the wine, let it boil hard for 2 minutes, then add 150ml water and the coriander stems. Season.
5. Cover and simmer gently 20-30 minutes until the beans are soft all the way through and the liquid has reduced to a loose, oily sauce. Add water if it tightens too early.
6. Off the heat, stir in the chopped coriander leaves and a final glug of raw olive oil. Serve warm with bread.
7. Honest note: the classic tasca version is cooked with chouriço, entrecosto or bacon. This is the meat-free version, not a disguised one.

Where you'd actually eat it: Spring menus in tascas around Campo de Ourique and Alvalade, in a bowl with bread. A copo of tinto, or vinho verde if it is warm.

From behind the bar: Put the coriander in twice: stems during the simmer, leaves off the heat at the end. Coriander cooked the whole way through tastes of nothing.

You need

• 6 eggs, plus 2 for coating
• 1 large bunch flat parsley, finely chopped
• 1 small onion, grated, optional
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
• salt, white pepper
• plain flour for dredging
• neutral oil for frying

Method

1. Boil 6 eggs for 10 minutes from a rolling boil, then cool them in ice water. Peel and halve lengthwise.
2. Scoop out the yolks and mash them with the parsley, olive oil, vinegar, salt and white pepper, plus the grated onion if using. You want a stiff, vividly green paste.
3. Mound the paste back into the whites, pressing it in and doming the top slightly. Chill 20 minutes so it sets.
4. Beat the 2 remaining eggs. Dredge each stuffed half in flour, tapping off the excess, then coat in beaten egg, filling side included.
5. Fry in 1cm of oil at 340F/170C, filling side down first, for about 1 minute, then turn and give the white side 1 minute more. Handle them with two spoons.
6. Drain on a rack and serve warm, or cool and hold them in the fridge until you eat.
7. Honest note: some versions fold canned tuna into the yolk mixture. Those are not vegetarian. This one is.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old-fashioned tascas and Alentejo-leaning petisqueiras, less common now than it should be. Served cool with a glass of white or a vinho verde.

From behind the bar: Chill the stuffed eggs before breading. Room-temperature filling slides out in the pan and you end up frying a green slick.

You need

• 1 can (397g) sweetened condensed milk, or 400g ready-made doce de leite
• 4 eggs, separated (pasteurized in-shell if you can get them)
• pinch of salt
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• toasted flaked almonds or crushed Maria biscuits, optional

Method

1. Caramelize the milk the safe way: pour it into a heatproof dish, cover with foil, sit the dish in a roasting tin of hot water and bake at 400F/200C for 60-90 minutes, stirring twice, until it is the color of dark honey. Cool completely.
2. The traditional way is boiling the unopened can 2.5-3 hours. If you do that, keep it submerged under at least 5cm of water the entire time and top up as it evaporates. A can that boils dry can burst. Cool it fully in the can before opening.
3. Beat the yolks into the cooled caramel until completely smooth. Cold caramel only; warm caramel scrambles the yolks.
4. Whip the whites with the salt and lemon juice to firm peaks.
5. Fold the whites into the caramel in three additions, cutting through and turning rather than stirring. Keep the air in.
6. Chill at least 4 hours, covered. Serve cold in glasses with almonds or crushed biscuit on top.
7. Safety note: the eggs stay raw. Use pasteurized eggs, keep it refrigerated, eat it within two days, and skip it entirely for pregnant, elderly, very young or immunocompromised eaters. Folding in 200ml whipped cream instead of the whites gives a denser, safer version, and it is not the real thing.

Where you'd actually eat it: The default tasca dessert, after the moelas and before the bica. A shot of bagaço with it, or a glass of moscatel de Setúbal.

From behind the bar: Cool the caramel to room temperature before the yolks go anywhere near it. Warm caramel scrambles them and no amount of whisking brings it back.

You need

• 1.5 lb fresh eel, skinned, gutted and cut into 1-inch rounds (ask the fishmonger; frozen eel works, fresh sets better)
• 3 cups water
• 1/2 cup malt vinegar
• 1 onion, sliced
• 2 bay leaves
• 10 black peppercorns
• 3 allspice berries
• 2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp powdered gelatin, only if needed
• Chili vinegar and white pepper, to serve
• Cheap white bread and butter

Method

1. Have the fishmonger skin, gut and cut the eel into 1-inch rounds. Raw eel blood is toxic and stings cuts and eyes, so wash hands, board and knife properly and never taste anything raw. Cooking destroys it completely.
2. Put the rounds in a pan with the water, malt vinegar, onion, bay, peppercorns, allspice and salt.
3. Bring to 195F/90C, a bare shiver and never a rolling boil, and cook 20 to 25 minutes until the flesh pulls off the bone with no argument.
4. Lift the eel into a bowl or small dishes and strain the hot liquid over it through a fine sieve.
5. Cool 30 minutes on the counter, then refrigerate at 40F/4C for at least 4 hours until fully set.
6. If it refuses to set, remelt the liquid, whisk in 1 tsp gelatin per cup, pour it back and chill again.
7. Serve cold from the fridge with chili vinegar, white pepper, and bread and butter to blot it up.

Where you'd actually eat it: Eel and pie shops from Bermondsey to Hackney, and the cockle stall outside the pub on a Sunday night. Goes with a light bitter or a mug of tea, nothing that fights the vinegar.

From behind the bar: Ask the fishmonger for skinned eel in rounds. If the stock will not set on its own, bloom a teaspoon of gelatin per cup and never mention it again.

You need

• 1 lb ground beef
• 1 onion, diced
• 1 tbsp flour, plus 2 tbsp for the liquor
• 1 cup beef stock
• Salt and plenty of black pepper
• 1 lb shortcrust pastry (a suet pastry base is traditional)
• 2 lb floury potatoes
• 4 tbsp butter, plus 2 tbsp for the liquor
• 1/2 cup hot milk
• 2 cups hot fish or vegetable stock
• 1 large handful flat parsley, chopped fine
• Malt or chili vinegar, to serve

Method

1. Brown the ground beef hard in a dry pan, then add the onion, 1 tbsp flour, the beef stock, salt and pepper. Simmer 25 minutes until thick and dark, then cool completely.
2. Line small pie tins with pastry, fill with the cold beef, put a lid on, seal and trim.
3. Bake at 400F/200C for 30 to 35 minutes until the tops are set and pale gold. Pie shops do not take them dark.
4. Boil the potatoes until collapsing, drain them dry, then mash with butter and hot milk until smooth enough to spread with a knife.
5. Liquor: melt 2 tbsp butter, stir in 2 tbsp flour, cook 2 minutes, then whisk in the hot stock and simmer 5 minutes.
6. Off the heat, stir in the parsley, a splash of vinegar and salt. It should stay thin and grass-green, not thick.
7. Plate it: pie on one side, mash smeared beside it, liquor poured over both. Vinegar on the table.

Where you'd actually eat it: Manze's, Cooke's, the Noted, and the other surviving eel and pie houses of Peckham, Hoxton and Leytonstone. Lunchtime and early evening trade. Tea in the shop, then a pint of bitter next door.

From behind the bar: The liquor should coat a spoon, not stand up on it. If it stiffens as it cools, slacken it with hot stock before it hits the plate.

You need

• 4 saveloys (British butcher or online; a skinless frankfurter or knackwurst is the closest substitute, the red is only dye)
• 2 lb potatoes, cut into thick chips
• Neutral oil or beef dripping for deep frying
• 1 cup flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 cup cold lager
• 1 onion, grated
• 1 tbsp mild curry powder
• 1 tsp flour
• 1 cup chicken or vegetable stock
• 1 tsp sugar
• Malt vinegar and salt

Method

1. Rinse the cut chips and dry them hard on a towel. Wet potatoes and hot oil are a genuinely dangerous combination.
2. Fry the chips at 275F/135C for 6 to 8 minutes until soft and still pale. Drain and rest 10 minutes.
3. Whisk the flour, baking powder, a pinch of salt and the cold lager to a thin cream.
4. Simmer the saveloys 8 minutes to heat through, then dry them completely. Wet sausage sheds its batter in the fryer.
5. Bring the oil to 350F/175C. Dip a saveloy, lower it in away from you, and fry 3 to 4 minutes until the batter is deep gold and hard.
6. Take the oil up to 375F/190C and fry the chips a second time, 2 to 3 minutes, until brown.
7. Curry sauce: soften the grated onion in oil, stir in the curry powder and 1 tsp flour, add the stock and sugar, simmer 10 minutes.
8. Salt everything, drown it in malt vinegar, eat standing up.

Where you'd actually eat it: Any chippy from Deptford to Dagenham, ordered after last orders. The curry sauce is a chip shop invention and it is not Indian food. Drink: whatever is left in the can on the walk home.

From behind the bar: Fry the chips twice: 275F/135C to cook them, 375F/190C to color them. One fry gives you limp chips and a sad walk home.

You need

• 2 lb ground lamb, around 20% fat
• 1 onion, grated and squeezed dry
• 4 garlic cloves, grated
• 2 tsp ground cumin
• 2 tsp dried oregano
• 2 tsp paprika
• 2 tsp salt, plenty of black pepper
• 2 roasted red peppers
• 2 red chilies
• 2 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 1 tsp tomato paste
• Garlic mayonnaise
• 4 pitta breads
• Shredded white cabbage, lettuce, red onion, tomato

Method

1. Blitz the lamb in a food processor with the onion, garlic, cumin, oregano, paprika, salt and pepper until it turns into a smooth paste. This is what makes it slice like the real thing.
2. Pack the paste hard into a loaf tin with no air pockets and smooth the top.
3. Bake at 325F/160C for 50 to 60 minutes, until the center reads 160F/71C. Ground meat gets no shortcuts.
4. Pour off the fat, cool, then refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight until firm.
5. Chili sauce: blend the roasted peppers, chilies, a garlic clove, the vinegar, tomato paste and salt.
6. Slice the cold loaf as thin as you can manage and crisp the slices in a dry hot pan for 1 to 2 minutes until the edges frizzle.
7. Warm the pitta, open it up and load it with cabbage, lettuce, onion, tomato, the meat, chili sauce and garlic mayo.
8. Wrap it in foil so it holds together long enough to get down the road.

Where you'd actually eat it: Turkish shops on Green Lanes and on every high street after midnight. The ocakbasi charcoal grills are the good version, the spinning elephant leg is the honest one. Drink: Efes, or the lager you already had.

From behind the bar: Chill the cooked loaf hard before slicing, because warm it just tears. Cut it thin as paper and crisp it in a dry pan, no oil.

You need

• 8 lamb kidneys, bought the day you cook them
• 2 tbsp flour, seasoned
• 3 tbsp butter
• 1 tbsp English mustard
• 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 tsp cayenne, plus more to finish
• 1 tsp tomato paste
• 1/4 cup beef or chicken stock
• 4 slices white bread
• Chopped parsley, salt, black pepper

Method

1. Buy them fresh and cook them the same day. Kidneys go off faster than any other cut and you will smell it before you taste it.
2. Halve the kidneys through the middle and snip out every scrap of the white core with scissors. Leave it in and it stays chewy and tastes of ammonia. Rinse and dry hard.
3. Mix the devil: English mustard, Worcestershire, cayenne, tomato paste and stock.
4. Toss the kidneys in seasoned flour. Get a heavy pan very hot with the butter until it foams and just starts to brown.
5. Lay the kidneys cut side down and fry 90 seconds without touching them, then 60 seconds on the other side.
6. Pour in the devil mixture and swirl 30 to 60 seconds until it clings. Whole cuts of lamb are safe at 145F/63C, and these should still be faintly pink inside. Cooked through, they turn to erasers.
7. Fry the bread in the same pan, or use hot buttered toast if you want to pretend to be sensible.
8. Spoon the kidneys and sauce over, add parsley and more cayenne, eat immediately.

Where you'd actually eat it: Old City chophouses and the offal-minded pubs around Clerkenwell, served on fried bread at the bar. Cuts straight through beer. Drink: dark mild, rough claret, or a large sherry if you are being honest.

From behind the bar: Do not crowd the pan and do not cook them past pink. Kidneys go from tender to rubber in about thirty seconds and there is no way back.

You need

• 2 pig's ears (butcher or Asian supermarket, usually a couple of dollars each)
• 1 onion, 1 carrot, 2 bay leaves
• 2 tbsp vinegar
• 1/2 cup cornstarch
• 1 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp white pepper
• Neutral oil for frying
• Malt vinegar
• Mustard mayonnaise, to serve

Method

1. Check the ears for stubble and singe any hairs off over a gas flame, then rinse them well and scrub the folds.
2. Simmer the ears with the onion, carrot, bay and vinegar at 195F/90C for 3 hours, until a knife slides through the thick part with no resistance.
3. Lift them out, pat dry, stack flat between two trays with a weight on top and refrigerate 4 hours at 40F/4C.
4. Cut the pressed ears into strips about the width of a pencil, then dry them on paper towels for 10 minutes.
5. Toss the strips in cornstarch seasoned with salt and white pepper and shake off the excess.
6. Heat 2 inches of neutral oil to 350F/175C and fry in small batches for 2 to 3 minutes. They spit hard at first, so stand back and keep a lid within reach.
7. Drain, salt, hit with malt vinegar and serve hot with mustard mayonnaise.

Where you'd actually eat it: The offal-minded bars around Columbia Road, Bermondsey and Soho put these out by the bowl. Drink: dry cider, fino sherry, or a cold lager. Anything that resets your mouth for the next handful.

From behind the bar: Dry the strips on paper for ten full minutes before frying. Wet cartilage dropped in hot oil spits like a firework and it will find your forearm.

You need

• 1 ring British black pudding, Bury or Stornoway style (substitute Spanish morcilla or French boudin noir, both softer and sweeter, so fry them gentler)
• 1 tbsp beef dripping or neutral oil
• English mustard
• Pickled onions
• White bread, if you are pretending it is a meal

Method

1. Chill the pudding first. It slices clean cold and crumbles apart warm.
2. Cut into slices about 1/2 inch thick and peel off the plastic skin if there is one. Natural casing stays on.
3. Heat a heavy pan over medium-high with the dripping until it shimmers.
4. Fry 3 minutes without touching it, until a dark crust forms and the slice releases from the pan on its own.
5. Flip once and give it 2 to 3 minutes more. It is sold cooked, so you are only crisping it and getting it hot right through, 165F/74C at the center.
6. Drain briefly on paper and serve with English mustard and a pickled onion.

Where you'd actually eat it: Butchers' shops and pub kitchens across the city. Northern by origin, eaten everywhere in London by the lunchtime drinkers. Drink: a pint of bitter, or a stout if it is raining, which it is.

From behind the bar: Wait for a dry crust before you flip. Poking it apart halfway through frying gives you black pudding gravel and a pan you will hate.

You need

• 12 eggs
• 3 cups malt vinegar, at least 5% acidity
• 1 tbsp pickling spice
• 1 tbsp salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• A bag of ready salted crisps, per egg

Method

1. Boil the eggs 9 minutes, then straight into ice water. Peel them clean, because torn whites go slimy in the jar.
2. Prick each peeled egg several times with a skewer so the vinegar can get inside.
3. Bring the vinegar, pickling spice, salt and sugar to a boil and simmer 5 minutes.
4. Pack the eggs into a clean jar and pour the hot vinegar over until they are completely covered. Undiluted vinegar is your safety margin, so do not water it down.
5. Cool, seal and refrigerate at 40F/4C. Home-pickled eggs have caused botulism when stored warm or under-acidified. The fridge is not optional and neither is the vinegar strength.
6. Leave them 2 weeks before you touch one. Eat within 3 months.
7. To serve properly: tip one into an open bag of crisps, crush it with the flat of your hand, eat straight from the bag.

Where you'd actually eat it: Any pub that still keeps a jar, which means carpet, no menu and a dartboard. Late afternoon, one pint in. Drink: bitter or a cheap lager. Not wine, obviously.

From behind the bar: Prick every egg with a skewer or the middles stay bland and rubbery. Keep the jar in the fridge, not on a warm shelf behind the bar.

You need

• 2 slices cheap white sliced bread
• Cold salted butter
• 1 bag crisps, cheese and onion or salt and vinegar
• Nothing else

Method

1. Take two slices of cheap white sliced bread. Do not toast them. Do not use sourdough.
2. Butter both slices with cold salted butter, right to the edges, thicker than feels sensible.
3. Empty most of the bag onto one slice in an even layer.
4. Top with the second slice and press down with your palm until you hear the crisps break.
5. Cut in half diagonally and eat within a minute, while the crisps still have their nerve.

Where you'd actually eat it: Made in the kitchen at 1am when the kebab shop is too far, or handed over the bar in a lock-in. Cheese and onion is standard, salt and vinegar is for people who want to feel something. Drink: whatever you carried home.

From behind the bar: Butter to the edges and press with your palm, not a plate. You want the crisps broken into shards, not crushed into powder.

You need

• 2 oz salt-packed anchovies, rinsed (oil-packed work, drained hard)
• 4 oz soft unsalted butter
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1/4 tsp ground mace
• A scrape of nutmeg
• A pinch of cinnamon
• Plenty of black pepper
• White bread, for toast

Method

1. Rinse the salted anchovies well, or drain the oil-packed ones properly, and pat them dry.
2. Pound or blitz the anchovies with the soft butter until completely smooth.
3. Beat in the cayenne, mace, nutmeg, cinnamon and black pepper. Add no salt, there is already a great deal.
4. Pack into a small jar, smooth the top and refrigerate at 40F/4C for at least 4 hours. It keeps 2 weeks cold.
5. Toast white bread, cut off the crusts and butter it while it is still hot.
6. Scrape the relish on thin, a knife's whisper rather than a layer. Too much is genuinely inedible.
7. For Scotch woodcock, spread it on the toast and pile soft scrambled egg on top.

Where you'd actually eat it: Club rooms, old hotel bars and any pub with a cheese board and a sherry list. Served as a savoury at the end, when the eating has stopped but the drinking has not. Drink: dry sherry, or a martini.

From behind the bar: Salt-packed anchovies rinsed well beat oil-packed every time. If you use oil-packed, drain them properly or the butter splits into a grey mess.

You need

• 3 hot-smoked mackerel fillets
• 5 oz cream cheese or crème fraîche
• 2 tbsp grated horseradish
• Juice of half a lemon
• Black pepper
• A pinch of cayenne
• Cornichons and hot toast, to serve

Method

1. Skin the mackerel fillets and run your fingers over them for pin bones. Pull out the dark bloodline if you want it milder.
2. Flake the fish into a bowl with a fork.
3. Add the cream cheese, horseradish, lemon juice, black pepper and cayenne.
4. Mash it with the fork until it is coarse and streaky, never smooth.
5. Taste for salt and acid. Smoked fish varies wildly, and it always wants more lemon than you think.
6. Chill 30 minutes at 40F/4C, then serve with hot toast, cornichons and a spoon stuck in the bowl. Take it off the bar after two hours.

Where you'd actually eat it: Riverside pubs and the good back-street ones, chalked up between the scotch egg and the soup. Early evening, in a bowl for the table. Drink: cold cider, a dry white, or a pale ale.

From behind the bar: Mash it with a fork, never a blender. Pâté made in a machine goes gluey and ends up tasting of absolutely nothing.

You need

• 8 lamb rib chops
• 2 inches ginger
• 6 garlic cloves
• 3 green chilies
• 1/2 cup whole-milk yogurt
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp ground coriander
• 1 tsp chili powder
• 1 tsp garam masala
• 1/2 tsp turmeric
• Juice of 1 lemon
• Salt
• Chaat masala, red onion rings, mint chutney to serve

Method

1. Blend the ginger, garlic, green chilies and a teaspoon of salt to a paste with a splash of water.
2. Mix the paste with the yogurt, cumin, coriander, chili powder, garam masala, turmeric and lemon juice.
3. Coat the chops, cover and refrigerate 2 hours or overnight. Take them out 30 minutes before cooking.
4. Get charcoal screaming hot or a cast-iron pan smoking. Wipe the excess marinade off the chops so they char instead of steaming.
5. Grill 2 to 3 minutes a side until the outside is properly blackened in patches. The safe line for a whole cut of lamb is 145F/63C with a 3-minute rest, which lands medium and just pink.
6. The grill houses pull them a good deal pinker than that. Your chops, your call, but 145F/63C is the number that is actually safe.
7. Rest 3 minutes, squeeze lemon over and dust with chaat masala if you have it.
8. Serve with raw onion rings, mint chutney and something very cold.

Where you'd actually eat it: The Punjabi grill houses of Whitechapel, Tayyabs and its neighbors, bring your own, queue down the pavement, tables loud enough to shout across. Drink: cans of lager carried in from the offie.

From behind the bar: Hotter than you think and shorter than you think. If your grill will not roar, use cast iron on full heat and open every window in the flat.

You need

• 1 lb beef sirloin or flank
• 1/2 cup roasted unsalted peanuts (kuli-kuli, the defatted peanut cake, is the real thing and hard to find here, so blot the oil out of plain peanuts)
• 2 tbsp cayenne
• 1 tbsp ground ginger
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• 1 tbsp onion powder
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 2 tsp salt or 1 crumbled bouillon cube
• 1 tbsp neutral oil
• Red onion and tomato, sliced

Method

1. Blitz the peanuts to a coarse powder, then blot the powder on paper towels to pull out the oil.
2. Mix with the cayenne, ginger, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika and salt to make the yaji. It contains peanuts, so say so out loud before you hand it round.
3. Slice the beef against the grain as thin as you can, about 1/8 inch. Half-freezing the meat for 30 minutes makes this possible.
4. Toss the slices with the oil and half the yaji and rest 20 minutes.
5. Thread onto skewers in loose folds and grill over the hottest charcoal you can build, 1 to 2 minutes a side, until the edges char.
6. Dust hard with the remaining yaji straight off the fire, while the meat is still wet enough to hold it.
7. Serve with raw red onion, sliced tomato and more yaji on the side for the brave.

Where you'd actually eat it: The suya spots along Rye Lane in Peckham and the Old Kent Road, busiest late and loudest later. Wrapped with raw onion and a fistful of extra yaji. Drink: Star, Gulder, or a cold Guinness Foreign Extra.

From behind the bar: Blot the ground peanuts on paper before mixing the rub. Oily yaji clumps into paste and will not dust properly over the meat.

You need

• 8 oz salt cod
• 1 cup flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 3/4 cup water
• 3 scallions, chopped
• 1 tsp fresh thyme leaves
• 1 tomato, diced
• 1/2 scotch bonnet, minced
• Black pepper
• Neutral oil for frying
• Hot pepper sauce, to serve

Method

1. Soak the salt cod in cold water for 24 hours in the fridge at 40F/4C, changing the water 3 or 4 times. Taste a flake, it should read as seasoned, not brutal.
2. Simmer the cod 10 minutes, drain, cool, then flake it finely and pick out every bone and scrap of skin.
3. Whisk the flour, baking powder and water into a thick, spoonable batter.
4. Stir in the fish, scallions, thyme, tomato and scotch bonnet. Wear gloves for the bonnet and keep your hands away from your face.
5. Season with black pepper and only add salt after tasting the batter.
6. Heat 1 inch of oil to 350F/175C. Drop in heaped tablespoons, no more than 4 at a time so the temperature holds, and fry 3 to 4 minutes, turning once, until deep gold.
7. Drain on a rack rather than paper so the bottoms stay crisp. Eat hot with pepper sauce.

Where you'd actually eat it: Caribbean counters and takeaway hatches around Brixton and Peckham, sold in threes in a paper bag. Drink: Red Stripe, or a rum and Ting if the night is clearly going somewhere.

From behind the bar: Taste the soaked cod before it goes anywhere near the batter. Still aggressive means another few hours in fresh water, no arguing.

You need

• 2 lb chicken wings, split into flats and drums
• 1 tbsp Shaoxing wine
• 1 tbsp light soy sauce
• 1 tsp ground white pepper, plus 1 tsp for the seasoning
• 1 inch ginger, grated
• 4 garlic cloves, 2 grated and 2 sliced
• 1 cup cornstarch
• 2 red chilies, chopped
• 2 spring onions, white and green separated
• 1 tsp salt
• A pinch of five-spice
• Neutral oil for frying

Method

1. Split the wings and dry them thoroughly with paper towels. Wet chicken in hot oil throws fat across the kitchen.
2. Marinate 1 hour in the fridge with the Shaoxing wine, soy, 1 tsp white pepper, grated ginger and grated garlic.
3. Dredge the wings in cornstarch until chalky, rest 5 minutes, then dredge a second time.
4. Heat 2 inches of oil to 325F/165C and fry in batches for 7 to 8 minutes, until pale gold and 165F/74C at the bone.
5. Rest the wings 5 minutes, bring the oil to 375F/190C and fry again for 1 to 2 minutes until hard and brown.
6. In a dry wok over high heat, fry the sliced garlic, chilies and spring onion whites in a teaspoon of oil for 30 seconds.
7. Add the wings with 1 tsp salt mixed with 1 tsp white pepper and the five-spice. Toss 30 seconds, throw in the green onion tops, off the heat.

Where you'd actually eat it: Chinatown's late kitchens off Gerrard Street, the ones still cooking when Soho has given up. Shared over a pot of tea and warm lager. Drink: Tsingtao, or the tea, or both at once.

From behind the bar: Dredge, rest five minutes, dredge again. The second coat is what makes the wings sound right when you bite into one.

You need

• 4 eggs, plus 2 for breading
• 1 lb (450 g) coarse pork sausage meat
• 1 tsp ground mace
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tbsp chopped sage
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 cups panko or dried breadcrumbs
• Neutral oil for deep frying
• English mustard, to serve

Method

1. Boil 4 eggs 6 minutes 30 seconds from a rolling boil, then straight into ice water. Peel carefully — jammy yolks tear.
2. Mix sausage meat with mace, black pepper and sage. Divide into 4 and flatten each between plastic wrap into a 5-inch disc.
3. Dust the peeled eggs with flour, wrap each in meat, seal the seams by hand. Any gap becomes a blowout in the fryer.
4. Roll through flour, beaten egg, then crumbs. Do the egg-and-crumb step twice. One coat is not enough.
5. Fry at 340F/170C for 7-8 minutes, turning, until deep brown and the sausage layer reads 160F/71C at its thickest point.
6. Drain, rest 5 minutes, halve. English mustard. Not ketchup.

Where you'd actually eat it: Fortnum & Mason claim it, 1738. You eat it standing at the bar with a pint of bitter, cut in half, mustard on the side. Half of London's better pubs make their own now.

From behind the bar: The second breading coat is not optional. One coat splits in the oil and you lose the yolk to the fryer.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) pork skin, fat attached — ask a butcher
• 2 tbsp coarse sea salt
• Extra fine salt for finishing

Method

1. Scrape the underside of the skin clean of soft fat with a spoon. Fat left behind goes chewy instead of crisp.
2. Cut into 1/2-inch strips. Salt heavily and leave uncovered on a rack in the fridge overnight to dry out.
3. Pat bone dry. Lay on a rack over a sheet pan. Roast at 300F/150C for 1 hour, pouring off rendered fat twice.
4. Raise the oven to 425F/220C for 8-12 minutes until the strips puff and blister. Stand there and watch — gold to burned is under a minute.
5. Salt again while hot, cool completely on the rack. They finish crisping as they cool.

Where you'd actually eat it: Black Country by birth, London by distribution. Comes in a blue bag off the clip behind the bar, eaten with a dark mild or a bitter, dentistry at your own risk.

From behind the bar: Overnight drying does all the real work. Wet skin steams in the oven and you end up with pork chews.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) coarse pork sausage meat
• 1 small onion, grated
• 1 tbsp butter
• 1 tsp fresh thyme leaves
• 1 tsp ground mace
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 sheet all-butter puff pastry, thawed
• 1 egg, beaten
• Flaky sea salt and fennel seeds, to finish

Method

1. Cook the grated onion in butter until soft, then cool completely. Warm onion melts the pastry butter.
2. Mix the onion into the sausage meat with thyme, mace and plenty of black pepper.
3. Roll the pastry to a 10 x 12 inch rectangle and cut in half lengthwise. Pipe or shape a log of meat down each strip.
4. Egg-wash one long edge, roll over, seal seam-side down, crimp with a fork. Chill 30 minutes.
5. Cut into 3-inch lengths, egg-wash, score the tops, scatter with salt and fennel seed.
6. Bake at 400F/200C for 25-30 minutes, until deep gold and the filling reads 160F/71C.

Where you'd actually eat it: Any pub with a warming cabinet, and the good ones at butchers like the Ginger Pig. Bought at the counter, eaten off a napkin, washed down with a bitter or a cold lager.

From behind the bar: Chill before it goes in the oven. Warm pastry gives you a flat greasy tube instead of layers.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700 g) pork shoulder, hand-chopped
• 4 oz (110 g) pork belly or unsmoked bacon, chopped
• 1 tsp ground mace
• 1/2 tsp white pepper
• 1 tsp dried sage
• 2 tsp salt
• 4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup lard
• 1 cup water
• 1 tsp salt (for the pastry)
• 1 cup strong pork stock
• 2 tsp powdered gelatin
• 1 egg, beaten
• Piccalilli, to serve

Method

1. Chop the pork by hand into rough 1/4-inch dice. Ground meat gives you a burger in pastry. Season hard with mace, white pepper, sage and salt.
2. Boil the lard, water and salt together, pour into the flour and mix to a hot dough. Work it while warm — it stiffens fast as it cools.
3. Hold back a third for lids. Mold the rest into two 5-inch tins, or hand-raise it around a floured jar. Pack the pork in firm.
4. Fit the lids, crimp, cut a steam hole dead center, egg-wash.
5. Bake at 350F/180C for 1 hour 45 minutes, egg-washing again at the hour mark. The center of the meat must read 160F/71C.
6. Cool 2 hours. Dissolve the gelatin in warm stock and pour it through the hole until the pie stops taking it. Chill overnight and keep it refrigerated.
7. Eat cold, straight from the fridge, with a heap of piccalilli.

Where you'd actually eat it: Melton Mowbray makes the famous one, London eats it. On a ploughman's plate or quartered on the bar with a pot of piccalilli. Pale ale, cold pie, no debate.

From behind the bar: The jelly is not decoration. It fills the gap the meat leaves as it shrinks and stops the pie drying to sand.

You need

• 6 oz (170 g) mature cheddar
• 4 oz (110 g) thick-carved ham, or a wedge of pork pie
• Crusty white bloomer or a bap
• Salted butter, in the block
• Branston pickle
• 2 pickled onions
• 1/2 apple
• 1 celery stalk
• Watercress

Method

1. Take the cheddar out of the fridge an hour early. Cold cheddar tastes of nothing.
2. Cut it in a thick wedge — no slices, no cubes. Carve the ham thick as well.
3. Butter the bread properly, or put the block on the plate with a knife stuck in it and let people sort themselves out.
4. Plate the pickle in a heap, the onions whole, the apple sliced, the celery raw and cold.
5. Serve with a pint of cask ale. Assembly happens on the plate, not in the kitchen.

Where you'd actually eat it: Cheese Bureau marketing from the fifties and sixties that stuck; the phrase itself is older. Ordered at lunchtime in a proper boozer, over a pint of cask bitter and most of an afternoon.

From behind the bar: Branston or nothing. Keep the pickled onions whole — halved, they go limp and weep vinegar into the cheese.

You need

• 16 pitted prunes
• 8 rashers thin streaky bacon, halved
• 3 oz (85 g) Stilton, or mango chutney
• Black pepper
• 16 cocktail sticks, soaked in water

Method

1. Stuff each prune with a little Stilton or a quarter teaspoon of mango chutney. Pick one and stay with it.
2. Stretch each bacon piece thin with the back of a knife — thin bacon crisps, thick bacon flops.
3. Wrap one prune per piece and pin with a soaked cocktail stick.
4. Roast on a rack at 400F/200C for 15-18 minutes, turning once, until the bacon is crisp and the fat has rendered out.
5. Grind black pepper over and rest 3 minutes. Straight out of the oven they will take the roof of your mouth off.

Where you'd actually eat it: A Victorian savory course that came back with the bar-snack revival. Handed round with dry sherry or a dark ale, standing, before dinner is a real plan.

From behind the bar: Use a rack over a tray. Sitting in their own rendered fat, the undersides never crisp and you get bacon-flavored steam.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) whitebait — small smelt or silversides work, frozen is fine
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 tbsp fine cornmeal
• 1 tsp cayenne, plus extra
• 2 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup milk
• Neutral oil for deep frying
• Lemon wedges
• Brown bread and salted butter

Method

1. Thaw if frozen and dry the fish hard on paper towels. Wet fish steams and spits.
2. Mix flour, cornmeal, cayenne and salt in a bowl.
3. Dip the fish briefly in milk, drop into the flour, toss, then shake off the excess hard in a sieve.
4. Fry in small batches at 350F/175C for 2-3 minutes, until pale gold and rigid. Crowding the pan drops the oil and you get grease.
5. Salt the second they come out, dust with more cayenne, hit with lemon.
6. Eat them whole with brown bread and butter. Picking at them is not an option.

Where you'd actually eat it: The Greenwich whitebait dinners ran into the 1890s and the Trafalgar Tavern still serves the fish. Riverside, brown bread and butter, something cold and white in the glass.

From behind the bar: Sieve off the loose flour before frying. Otherwise you're deep-frying flour, and the oil is sludge by the second batch.

You need

• 8 oz (225 g) cooked peeled brown shrimp
• 6 oz (170 g) butter
• 1/4 tsp ground mace
• Pinch cayenne
• Pinch grated nutmeg
• Squeeze of lemon
• Salt
• 4 thick slices sourdough or brown bread

Method

1. Melt the butter gently, skim the foam, pour off the clear fat and leave the milky solids behind. That is your clarified butter.
2. Warm two-thirds of it with the mace, cayenne, nutmeg and a pinch of salt for 2 minutes. Do not let it brown.
3. Off the heat, fold in the shrimp with a squeeze of lemon. You are coating them, not cooking them — they are already cooked.
4. Pack into ramekins, pressing down, and pour the remaining butter over to seal. Chill at least 4 hours, overnight is better.
5. Keep them refrigerated and eat within 3 days. The butter seal is a texture trick, not a preservative.
6. Take them out 20 minutes before eating. Serve with very hot toast and scrape the whole pot onto it.

Where you'd actually eat it: Sweetings, Bentley's, and any pub that thinks about its menu. Ordered first, with a glass of Chablis or a very cold lager, before the table has agreed on anything else.

From behind the bar: Morecambe Bay brown shrimp are hard to find outside the UK. Small cooked cold-water shrimp are the honest substitute. Tiger prawns are not — wrong texture, wrong sweetness.

You need

• 1 lb (450 g) langoustine tails, peeled
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp cayenne
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 2 cups panko or dried breadcrumbs
• Salt
• Neutral oil for deep frying
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1 tbsp capers, chopped
• 2 tbsp cornichons, chopped
• 1 shallot, minced
• 2 tbsp parsley, chopped
• Lemon

Method

1. Pat the tails properly dry. Season the flour with salt and cayenne.
2. Flour, egg, then breadcrumb each one. Chill 20 minutes so the coating sets and stays on.
3. Tartare: mix mayonnaise with capers, cornichons, shallot, parsley and lemon juice. Salt to taste.
4. Fry at 350F/175C for 3 minutes until gold and opaque through. Langoustine cooks fast and turns to rubber if you push it.
5. Drain, salt immediately, serve with the tartare and a lemon wedge. Chips are optional and everyone expects them anyway.

Where you'd actually eat it: Basket scampi is a carpeted-pub institution; the serious version turns up in the old-guard rooms around St James's. Lager, malt vinegar, absolutely no ceremony.

From behind the bar: Most pub scampi is reformed minced whitefish. Real langoustine costs more and tastes like it; monkfish is the best cheap stand-in — firm, sweet, holds the crumb.

You need

• 2 lb (900 g) live cockles, or a jar of cooked cockles in brine
• Malt vinegar
• Ground white pepper
• Brown bread and salted butter
• Cocktail sticks

Method

1. Soak live cockles in cold salted water for 2 hours, changing the water twice, so they spit out the grit.
2. Discard any that stay open when you tap them — they are dead and you do not want them.
3. Steam in a covered pan with a splash of water over high heat for 3-4 minutes until they open. Throw out any that don't.
4. Cool, pick the meat out of the shells, and chill it.
5. Serve in a small pot with malt vinegar poured over and a heavy dusting of white pepper.
6. Cocktail stick in hand, brown bread and butter on the side.

Where you'd actually eat it: Sellers worked pub to pub on a Sunday, and Tubby Isaacs' stall at Aldgate lasted until 2013. What's left is Borough Market and the odd stall. Take the pot back to your stout.

From behind the bar: Jarred cockles in brine are what most stalls actually use. Rinse them, drain hard, and dress with fresh vinegar at the last minute or they go slack.

You need

• 4 thick slices white bloomer
• 4 oz (110 g) mature cheddar, grated
• 4 oz (110 g) thick-cut ham
• English mustard
• Softened salted butter
• 1 tbsp grated onion (optional)

Method

1. Butter the outside of every slice, edge to edge. Butter goes on the bread, never in the pan.
2. Mustard the inside faces. Pile on cheddar, then ham, then more cheddar — cheese against both slices glues the thing shut.
3. Press together and set into a cold skillet. Cook over medium-low, 4-5 minutes a side, weighted with another pan on top.
4. Keep it low. Hot and fast burns the bread while the middle is still a cold brick.
5. Rest 2 minutes before cutting, or the cheese runs out and you're holding hot bread.

Where you'd actually eat it: Every pub with a press does one; the good ones use proper mature cheddar and carved ham. Ordered at 11pm with a Guinness, when nobody wants to commit to dinner.

From behind the bar: Grate the cheddar. A sliced slab leaks out the sides; grated melts evenly and stays where you put it.

You need

• 3 lb (1.4 kg) beef brisket, trimmed under 2 inches thick
• 1 gal water
• 1.5 cups kosher salt
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 5 tsp (1 oz) pink curing salt #1
• 3 tbsp pickling spice
• 6 garlic cloves
• 1 onion
• 6 beigels or bagels
• English mustard
• Dill pickles, sliced

Method

1. Make the brine: dissolve salt, sugar and curing salt in the water with half the pickling spice and the garlic, and cool it completely to fridge temperature before the meat goes in.
2. Submerge the brisket and refrigerate 5-7 days, turning daily. Weigh the curing salt, don't eyeball it, and keep the meat under 2 inches thick so the cure reaches the middle.
3. Rinse the brisket well, cover with fresh water, add the rest of the pickling spice and the onion.
4. Simmer at a bare tremble, never a boil, for 3 to 3.5 hours until a fork twists in it freely — around 200F/93C internal, well past done and into tender.
5. Rest 30 minutes in the liquid, then carve thick across the grain while hot.
6. Split a beigel, load it past sensible, smear English mustard, two slices of pickle. Eat standing over the wrapper.

Where you'd actually eat it: Beigel Bake, 159 Brick Lane, open 24 hours since the seventies. The correct time is 3am, the correct company is whoever you were drinking with, the correct posture is standing.

From behind the bar: Buy ready-corned brisket and skip the week of brining. Rinse it before simmering or the finished beef is too salty to get through.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700 g) chipolatas or small pork sausages
• Black pepper
• English mustard
• Cocktail sticks

Method

1. Separate the chipolatas. Don't prick them — piercing lets the fat out and you get dry sausage.
2. Roast on a rack at 400F/200C for 20-25 minutes, turning once, until browned all over and 160F/71C at the center.
3. In the last 3 minutes, brush with a spoonful of the pan fat and grind black pepper over.
4. Serve hot, one cocktail stick each, with a bowl of English mustard in the middle.
5. Refill the mustard before it runs low. Somebody is always double-dipping.

Where you'd actually eat it: Christmas-party food that never left the bar snack list. A couple of quid, a stick, a pot of mustard — something salty that keeps everybody standing there for one more.

From behind the bar: Chipolatas, not breakfast links with maple in them. Butcher pork sausage, thin gauge, plain seasoning, nothing sweet.

You need

• 1.5 lb (700 g) cooked shell-on cold-water prawns, heads on if you can get them
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1 lemon
• Pinch cayenne
• Sea salt
• Brown bread and salted butter

Method

1. Keep the prawns properly cold right up to the moment they hit the table. Warm prawns are grim.
2. Mix mayonnaise with lemon juice, a pinch of cayenne and salt. That is the entire sauce.
3. Fill a pint glass with prawns, shells on, and set the sauce beside it.
4. Peel your own. Heads, legs and shells go into a second empty glass, not on the table.
5. Brown bread and butter alongside. Napkins, plural.

Where you'd actually eat it: An old fish-pub and seaside move that came back with the bar-snack revival. A pint of prawns, a pint of lager, a heap of shells and no plans.

From behind the bar: Cold-water prawns from the North Atlantic or Greenland. Warm-water tigers are bigger, cheaper and taste of almost nothing.

You need

• 2 lb (900 g) boneless chicken thigh
• 1/2 cup whole-milk yogurt
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 onion, grated
• 2 garlic cloves, crushed
• 1 tsp pul biber (Turkish red pepper flakes)
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 2 tsp salt
• Black pepper
• Lavash or pide bread
• 1 onion, sliced thin, tossed with sumac and parsley
• Chili sauce and pickled chilies

Method

1. Cut the thigh into 1.5-inch pieces. Breast dries out on a grill; thigh is what the ocakbaşı uses.
2. Grate the onion and squeeze the juice through a sieve. Use the juice, discard the pulp — pulp burns and turns bitter.
3. Marinate the chicken in yogurt, oil, onion juice, garlic, pul biber, oregano, salt and pepper. Four hours minimum, overnight better, in the fridge.
4. Thread onto flat metal skewers, snug but not crushed together.
5. Grill over hot coals 4-5 minutes a side, turning, until charred at the edges and 165F/74C at the center.
6. Rest 3 minutes directly on the flatbread so the juices soak in. Serve with sumac onions, parsley and chili sauce.

Where you'd actually eat it: Green Lanes and Dalston ocakbaşıs run late and fill up the moment the pubs empty. Efes or şalgam, real charcoal in the window, fluorescent light, no atmosphere required.

From behind the bar: Flat skewers, not round. Round ones spin in your hand and the meat cooks on one face while you swear at it.

You need

• 8 oz (225 g) mature cheddar made with microbial rennet, grated
• 2 tbsp butter
• 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup stout or brown ale, not fined with isinglass
• 1 tbsp English mustard
• 1 tsp vegetarian Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 tsp cayenne
• Black pepper
• 4 thick slices sourdough

Method

1. Melt the butter, stir in the flour and cook 2 minutes to a blond roux. No color on it.
2. Add the stout slowly, whisking, until you have a smooth thick paste.
3. Off the heat, stir in the cheddar a handful at a time until melted. Do not boil it after the cheese goes in — it splits and turns oily.
4. Beat in the mustard, vegetarian Worcestershire, cayenne and pepper. Spread on a plate and cool until firm; it spreads far better cold.
5. Toast the bread on both sides. Spread the mixture thick and right to the edges, or the exposed crust burns.
6. Broil 3-4 inches from the element for 2-3 minutes until blistered brown and bubbling.

Where you'd actually eat it: St John serves a proper one and the flat version is on half the bar menus in town. Eaten with a glass of claret or a dark ale, always about forty degrees too hot.

From behind the bar: Worcestershire hides anchovy and some cask stout is fined with isinglass, which is fish. Check both bottles, and use microbial-rennet cheddar.

You need

• 12 eggs
• 3 cups malt vinegar (5% acidity)
• 1 tbsp pickling spice
• 1 tsp black peppercorns
• 2 dried chilies (optional)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 bay leaf

Method

1. Boil the eggs 10 minutes hard, cool in ice water, peel completely. One fragment of shell ruins the jar.
2. Bring vinegar, pickling spice, peppercorns, chilies, salt and bay to a boil, then cool to room temperature.
3. Pack the eggs into a sterilized jar and cover completely with the cold vinegar. Nothing sticking up above the surface.
4. Seal and refrigerate at least 7 days before eating. Two weeks is better.
5. Keep them refrigerated the entire time and eat within a month. A warm jar of under-acidified pickled eggs on a bar counter is a genuine botulism risk, whatever the tradition says.
6. Eat whole out of the jar, or crumble one into a bag of salt and vinegar crisps.

Where you'd actually eat it: The jar on the counter of an old boozer, next to the scratchings. One egg, a bag of crisps, a pint of mild. Nobody in the history of London has ordered two.

From behind the bar: Cold brine over cold eggs. Hot vinegar turns the whites rubbery and gray at the edges within a day.

You need

• 2 lb (900 g) pickling or silverskin onions
• 1/2 cup salt
• 4 cups malt vinegar
• 2 tbsp sugar
• 2 tbsp pickling spice
• 2 dried chilies